How to create love in a relationship
Many of us want more love in our lives, whether we have a partner or other people close to us or not.
Sometimes we may have close people, but we still do not feel that Love is flowing between us.
And sometimes we may believe in some Higher Power and therefore know that we are inherently worthy of love, but still have trouble feeling connected and deeply loved in a way that we care about.
Whether we realize it or not, much of our suffering and feeling that something is wrong with our lives has to do with love—how much we love and accept ourselves and how connected, loved, and loved we feel by other people.
If we lack love, we may feel out of place, as if we don”t belong, or we may suffer from even more serious mental, emotional and physical problems such as depression, anxiety, addictions and other illnesses. So what could be the solution?
Love is an inside job
We tend to think that love is something that comes from outside because when we were tiny babies, we picked up all kinds of subtle energies, especially the energy of love — or we picked up the lack of it.
When we were very small and completely helpless, whether we received love from the adults around us had a huge impact on how we felt about ourselves and about life in general.
We didn”t have much control over it back then, and so we still tend to believe that we can”t control how much love we have in our lives, even as adults. We tend to think that the amount of love we experience in our lives depends on whether we are lucky enough to “find” it, like in romantic movies, or on what other people do or don”t do.
But that”s not true. We can learn to love and increase the energy of love in our lives from now on. Instead of being something we passively “receive” from other people, we actually have the power to create love ourselves and therefore increase its presence in our lives.
And — the amount of love we can receive from other people largely depends on how much love we can feel and create for ourselves; this is why we must practice both types of love — for others and for situations in our lives, but also, most importantly, for ourselves.
The Art and Magic of Making Love
Imagine yourself as an Artist and Magician who is studying a new Art and a new Magic — the Art and Magic of Creating Love!
It takes some practice, but I am confident that if you dedicate even a few minutes of your time and focus on it every day, you will see some results very quickly.
It is true that we often need a multi-layered approach to help us heal when we are suffering from deep issues related to a lack of love, and it is important to learn to reach out and ask for help when we are in great pain.
We can heal by changing how we feel inside and taking action on the “outside,” such as getting professional help and talking to other people who can help us understand what”s going on, learning new ways to care for ourselves through exercise and diet, etc.
And we can also do some very simple things on our own that can help us start to feel better and more empowered in our quest for a happier, more fulfilling and love-filled life.
I call these little “games” and exercises “Love Magic” and I’m so excited to share them with you here at Wedding. com!
The first option I”ll show you may seem very simple and you may wonder how it can help, but I insist that you try it and just see what happens!
It does take a little “work” and if you are in a lot of pain, I also recommend that you get all the professional help you may need to aid your desire to heal and feel better.
But the simple “games” I”ll share here can really help too, and since they don”t require anything other than a little of your time and concentration, you can play them anywhere, anytime, and they”re completely free!
So let”s get to the first one, which I know you”ll love!
“Game “Make-Love-Grow””
Grab a pen and a piece of paper (or better yet, find a special notebook that you can dedicate to your Love Magic exercises).
Make a list of the relationships or situations that cause you the most pain and frustration, where you feel a lack of love, and where you wish there was more of it.
Once you”ve made your list, decide who or what you want to focus on first.
Choose no more than one or two people or situations each time you sit down to “play” this game.
When you are ready and choose a person or situation into which you would like to bring more Love.
Make a list of 10 things you like about this person or situation.
They don”t have to be “big”.
If you think about a person, you may even think about little things like:
I love the way Joe smiles when he”s happy.
Or
I love Louise”s hair color.
If you are writing about a situation, such as where you live or your stressful job, you might write:
I like the way the sun shines through the window.
Or
I appreciate that my current job allows me to support myself.
It”s important to write down what you REALLY like or appreciate about the person or situation you choose to focus on.
You can”t fake this “game”. and part of the value of this is that it will help you figure out what you really like and don”t like!
Many of us don’t even know what we like in life, what our values are, what we strive for….
This little game is a powerful way to figure out what we really think is important to us, and it”s a fundamental first step.
As you write down what you value, imagine the person or situation and what you value.
Try to feel the sensations in your body as you focus on an aspect that you enjoy and value.
Do you feel a sense of “appreciation” or perhaps love?
Where do you feel it in your body?? Cold or warm?? Does it make you feel empty or full?? Perhaps you don”t feel anything at all, but certain thoughts or pictures appear in your head?
Try not to judge what you feel or “see”, just pay attention to it. I suggest you write down how you feel, or at least make a mental note, so you can start experimenting with “creating” those sensations throughout the day.
When you feel these pleasant sensations, see if you can increase them even a little. Put a little more energy into them and see if they expand. Notice how it feels too!
It may seem a little strange at first, and you may wonder, “What difference does THAT make?!?!” But I want you to take my word for it and just try it.
When you finish doing this for another person or situation, I want you to do the same for 10 aspects of yourself.
Make a list of at least 10 things you like about yourself.
And “feel” your way into them and strengthen them.
You may find it even more difficult to find things about yourself that you like and appreciate, and that”s okay. Just acknowledge this and do the best you can.
After you”re done, put the notebook aside and get on with your day.
Return to this the next day and do it every day for the next two to four weeks. If you miss a day, or even two or three, don”t worry about it. Just pick it up and do it again.
Ideally, this will become a habit that you begin to apply to all aspects of your life, especially when something is bothering you, including yourself.
During the day, when you find yourself dwelling on negative aspects of yourself, someone else, or a situation, try to remember what you appreciate and bring that feeling of love back into your body and expand it. As you practice this simple game, pay attention to what”s happening both within you and around you.
You may begin to notice very subtle shifts in how you relate to yourself, to life in general, and to the people around you! You”ll begin to see that you truly have the power to change the way you think and feel, and therefore, how you live your life on a daily level.
Journal small and large things that may arise for you—because as you grow in your ability to feel love and appreciation for yourself and others, you”ll find yourself attracting more and more situations that bring you more of this good feeling!
What we focus on expands.
I look forward to hearing from you about your experiences, and come back here soon to learn about some next steps in creating love magic for yourself and others!
How to Create Love in a Relationship
