How to divorce your husband and avoid fatal mistakes: 10 useful tips
So, you’ve firmly decided that you’ve had enough of this — it’s time to get a divorce. Or not? Is your decision not so clear? And if so, how do you do it? Sometimes marital relationships present a real dilemma — a real sword of Damocles that can take years to sort out. Divorce can turn into a real melting pot in which all the values in life are burned — health, finances, good social connections, etc. How to get a divorce with minimal losses? Our conversation today will be about this.
Contents of the article:
Make a final decision
The first problem for many people who are unhappy in their current relationship is perceived instability. Today everything is going badly and you can”t stay another minute because of this fool. The next day the situation seems less tragic and even gives hope for improvement.
Many people don”t even think about how to properly prepare for divorce; they”re not even sure how to prepare for it. It seems to people that the sooner they get out of a stressful situation, that is, divorce, the better it will be for them. Especially if this opinion is encouraged by a parental relative or friend. However, unfortunately, the opposite often happens. People who make hasty decisions do not have time to sort through their feelings and consider possible alternatives. As a result, their post-divorce life turns into an emotional roller coaster nightmare. Instead of improving the situation, they simply exchange one problem for another.
Readiness for divorce: self-test questions
Be as honest as possible in your answers to the following questions:
- Do you still have feelings for him?
Many people beat their chests, claiming that they are ready for divorce. But in reality they don”t need a divorce, they need a professional psychotherapist. This is due to the decision that divorce is an option because both partners in the marriage feel strong affection for each other while facing difficulties in the relationship. After breaking up, they feel much worse and experience the loss of their partner.
- Were you really husband and wife?
In reality, marriage works differently. People can educate their children and live under one roof. However, their relationship leaves much to be desired — there is no real “we”, everyone has their own life. In this case, divorce is probably the best option.
- Are you really ready for a divorce or do you want to shake his nerves a little?
A classic of the genre: spouses, separated by a family dispute, threaten each other. The reasons are usually feelings of anger or frustration, a desire for power, or changes in the partner”s behavior.
Apart from divorce, any desire proves the irrationality of divorce. After breaking up, there is a desire to change, stop drinking, smoking, give him a bouquet of roses every day, get the moon from the sky. But these are all suitable motives. The only possible purpose of divorce is to end the marriage and make way for someone new.
- Can you really handle the consequences?
Remember that divorce always involves change. Do you have enough resources to cope with the changes in your life? Do you have enough money? Do you have a roof over your head? Will you be able to cope with your emotions or will you become depressed without marriage? In many ways, deciding to divorce requires you to remain practical and not act rashly.
How to divorce your husband painlessly? Some good advice
Thus, the final decision has been made, and you are already planning what, when and how. What can you tell your husband once you have worked out all the details and how the divorce is divided? At this stage, the following advice from a psychologist may be useful:
- Don”t be confrontational. Yes, emotions can light a lot of fire. And you will regret it. So if you have a choice, whether you argue or not, stick to your strength and don”t make yourself look bad. In the end, divorce can be accompanied by scandal, trips to court and interference from parental relatives. It is much better to resolve everything amicably.
- Be prepared for a long process. Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. No matter how quickly you complete this process, you don”t have to wait 99% of the time. Don”t worry; in a sense, use the flow to let go of the reins.
- Pre-close your speech to others. Telling a friend or family member about your divorce can be difficult. Tell your colleagues about this — it”s painful. So, “How are you?”, “How is your innocence?” and think in advance about how to accurately answer the question “How are you?” or “What”s new?”
- Be prepared to lose some friends. Yes, it”s terrible. Yes, it”s not fair. But some people will avoid you like the plague — as if the same bell is ringing around your neck. Others will feel lost in your presence and not know what to say. Or talk complete nonsense. In any case, after a divorce you will undoubtedly find out who is who.
- Take care of expensive things that you remember. You don”t have to love your ex—you just have to be willing to let him know it. And many recommend getting rid of all reminders of the past as soon as possible. However, some things do have value. For example, a photograph of your mother no longer lives. You may want to show this painting to your children for many years to come. Or, for example, the ring that your ex-husband gave you during your first trip to your favorite country. You don”t need to destroy everything left and right. Just isolate these things for a while. Forget about them forever. Over the years, you will leave all these questions far in the past.
Read also: “Eternal” mistakes of men in relationships with women
Although men should not miss out on life, no one is immune from mistakes. And since women are part of a man”s life, he confesses.
How to quickly normalize your psycho-emotional state
This is one of the most important aspects. After divorce, women feel broken and unattractive. Persistent depression may occur, and psychosomatic disorders become more active. To prevent this, you should follow useful recommendations.
How to properly divorce? terms, stages of divorce. divorce lawyer
- Believe in the best and worry as little as possible. Yes, this period of life is very difficult. But this will end soon. You will definitely find your love. It is important that you will never be able to get back the time spent worrying, suffering and pain. In some cases, we can talk about loss of health. So remember: divorce is a period of time in which you need to focus and gather yourself. No matter how difficult it may be, focus on the positive; Divorce is not the end of life, but a return to new happiness.
- Try changing your place of residence. The house or apartment you lived in always reminds you of your past. It may be difficult for you to leave these walls right now. But your days together are over. Living with memories is much more difficult than taking one decisive step and stopping torturing yourself. Besides, when you meet a new man, he doesn”t want to see this house. The walls themselves are imbued with the spirit of the past.
- Organize a support group. This is one or two friends (girlfriends) who support you with kind words and simply by their presence. Important: Don”t spend a lot of time hanging out with married friends. Most likely, they will not understand you and will inadvertently make things worse for themselves. The ideal option is to communicate with a person who is divorced.
- Attend events that improve your self-esteem. You can run a half marathon, go on a trip. Sign up for interesting courses, such as photography, mountaineering, dance. Do these things even if you don”t feel like it. Sooner or later it will still bear fruit.
- Focus on the big picture. Decide what is most important to you in the long term. And don”t waste your energy on things that seem important only now.
“I am free, like a bird in the sky.” What next?
The first thing you need to agree on with yourself in advance is these limits that cannot be violated. The fact is that the temptation to go all out after a breakup is very great. And in many cases, this leads to even more disappointment. Think in advance about what you will allow yourself to do and what not to do under any circumstances, so that breaking “all the rules” does not lead to devastation or depression.
Another important point. Don”t surround yourself with weak-willed pusher friends who, after a breakup, push you back into the network of past relationships. Some women are accustomed to living with tyrants and manipulators. Listening to them is like death.
Also, exclude from your social circle those reckless girls who accuse you of a string of adventures and nightclubbing. Their influence is also unhealthy.
If you adhere to pre-established rules, you won”t lose yourself after a divorce. On the contrary, you”ll start a completely new life.
Changing yourself means changing your future
It”s worth remembering that like always attracts like. This principle is suggested by psychologists and confirmed by practice. We”ve observed this situation repeatedly. A woman divorces an amenist or alcoholic. Then, six months later, we find an identical copy—if not worse.
What does this mean? Psychologists are convinced that we meet partners with mirror images of ourselves. So the folk wisdom about two pairs of boots is not at all fictitious. But at the same time, it”s not enough to see your contribution to the relationship (for many women, this is the Zen of relationships). It”s also important to recognize your shortcomings and work on transforming yourself into strengths, if you haven”t done so in your relationship with your (previous) husband. Otherwise, according to the law of similarity, you”ll attract the very same monster with whom you fought a very long and bloody battle.
Divorce should be an expression of wisdom, inner harmony, and balance in your life. If a breakup occurs on a negative note, it”s unlikely you”ll be able to create an understanding and loving relationship.
