Polyamory — what kind of relationship is this?
All fairy tales about true love are always about two people destined for each other, and no one talks about the fact that there are forms of love when romantic and sexual relationships can be built with more than one person. One of these forms is polymorphism. How such relationships work, why it is not considered cheating, and much more — this is discussed in our article.
Contents of the article:
What is polyamory?
Polymory means that a person is open to romantic and intimate relationships with multiple people at the same time. Of course, this openness applies to all partners in such alliances.
However, it is fundamentally wrong to think that polyamory is synonymous with rebellion. These concepts have completely different foundations, but many people just do it. But what is treason? Cheating, betrayal, breaking a promise not to date another person or have sex. Polymory implies that partners have reached a certain agreement on the topic of sex and relationships with other people. And this agreement is based on trust.
Another misconception about polymory is that Polymurians don”t like to just be in relationships. Not at all. In fact, according to research in this area, the satisfaction that people get from being in a monogamous relationship is no different from the satisfaction in a polyamorous relationship. The only difference is that in polyamorous relationships there are additional general contracts that are not recognized and require separate discussion. However, the love, attention, trust and mutual respect are exactly the same as in a monogamous couple.
When it comes to sex, polyamory is not a gangbang. Of course, there are polyamorous relationships in which three or more participants enjoy having sex with more than one partner at the same time. But most people still find such relationships boring. And even if they are in a relationship with two or three people, they prefer to have sex with only one of them at a time.
The main principles of polyamory
Despite the absence of monogamy and identical, multifaceted relationships, healthy relationships still adhere to the following principles.
As in other relationships, trust plays a vital role in building strong relationships. Fundamentally, trust is built on mutual communication and discussing the possibility of introducing new partners into the relationship. Among other things, trust includes understanding the need to practice safe sex and honor the commitments partners have made to each other.
Many people believe that polyamory is primarily a gender issue. However, polyamorous people themselves like to joke that polyamory is a conversation. And they are almost always right. Maintaining healthy and strong relationships between multiple people requires constant dialogue, discussing the feelings and emotions of all participants in order to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings.
Consent is another important aspect. Polyamory does not mean a person can have sex with anyone and do whatever they want. And if one member of the polyamorous coalition is against sex, that is their right. In healthy relationships, there is no place for coercion. Everything happens by mutual consent of the participants, whether it”s trying new sexual practices or adding a new arrangement to a partner”s life.
- Mutual respect.
Abandonment of a partner”s feelings is also a bad sign in monogamous relationships, even if it”s something that”s said about polyamory. Moreover, it implies mutual respect for all participants in the process, not just the feelings of one partner.
How do people know they are polyamorous?
Usually, answering a few key questions is enough to understand your polyamory. For example:
- How do you cope with JE?
First and foremost, it”s important to understand how your partner feels when interacting with another person. What if they meet someone else? Or if they have sex with someone other than you? We”re not saying that polyamory implies the absence of JE, but it does mean that a person is open to discussing and revealing their feelings on this topic. Therefore, if you”re willing to talk about JE out loud, you may be predisposed to polyamory. Read also:
10 Signs Your Relationship Is Ending Could you wake up one day and see your partner packing up and moving to the ends of the earth? Forever? Not the best scenario
Monogamous couples can also add variety to their sex lives. There are many ways to do this, ranging from new sex positions to various toys. However, for some this is not enough. Therefore, you can safely think about a polyamorous relationship if you prefer variety not only in actions, but also in partners.
Are you ready for a deep emotional connection with more than one person?
- Emotional connections are complex and sometimes even one person has to deal with it. However, if you feel the strength and interest in establishing such connections with several people at once, this is definitely another hint of a predisposition to polymory.
Why are you interested in polyamory?
- Different people have different reasons for being interested in polyamory. The main thing to remember is that polyamory is not a way to solve the problems of an existing relationship and is not a reason for rebellion. A polyamorous relationship is an endeavor that requires mutual respect and a willingness to build a fulfilling relationship with another person. And this readiness is required from both partners.
When you feel ready for all this, you can try a new type of relationship. There”s nothing wrong with trying to decide that polyamory isn”t for you yet.
You and your partner can have an honest and open dialogue, but acknowledging your true wants and needs shouldn”t be a problem.
How to suggest trying a polyamorous relationship
How to suggest trying a polyamorous relationship
The initial conversation may not go very smoothly and will likely require some open conversation, including discussing your feelings on the topic, before any agreement is reached.
Either way, the key to dialogue is to be honest and open about why you want to try polyamory. If you want to have sex with more than one person, you must be honest with your partner. If a monogamous relationship isn”t helping you emotionally, admit that too. Tell your partner what you want from polyamory and what your partner can get from it.
The one thing you shouldn”t do is try to resolve your partner”s dissatisfaction with polyamory — if he did something wrong, the issue should be resolved individually, without the interference of others.
How to Decide on Ground Rules for a Polyamorous Relationship
How to Decide on Ground Rules for a Polyamorous Relationship
Polyamory vs monogamy. Is Polyamory a Way to Avoid Responsibility? / hate you?
So first of all, what are your expectations? This understanding will help you set new boundaries in your relationship. For example, if you”re excited to go on a first date again, but your partner doesn”t want to hear any more about it.
Also remember that the rules you initially set don”t have to stay the same. In fact, the more often you discuss your relationship, the easier it will be for both of you to understand if something has gone wrong in the relationship and intervention is needed. Or revise the rules.
Emotional boundaries in relationships
Emotional boundaries in relationships
Are you ready for your partner to have a serious relationship with someone other than you? What would he say “I love you” to someone else? Or are you hoping that this relationship doesn”t develop into something more long-term and sustainable?
Do they share information with each other?
- Would you like to know the details of your partner”s dates with other people or even details of his gender? Are you ready to share such details yourself?
How often would you like to see the other person?
- This means which holidays you would like to spend with and with which partners, as well as one-off dates. Do you want to see each other only on weekends or during the week as well?
Physical boundaries in relationships
Physical boundaries in relationships
Kissing, hugging and other non-sexual things.
- You may have nothing against sex, but kissing is already private and you don”t want to share it with anyone else.
Do you want to avoid being in the same place as your partner, or are you okay with not making up right in front of them? Or would you even mind going on a triple date?
Sexual activity and safe sex
- What type of sex do you prefer? Vaginal, oral or anal? Do you want sex to be just between you and your partner? And should sex with others be safe?
Setting appropriate boundaries for all partners in a relationship is just as important as trust and open dialogue about your feelings and desires.
Polyamory — relationships with several partners at once?
