The psychology of communicating with an ex: should you continue to communicate with him?
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Unfortunately, in life it often happens that close people become each other. Breakups are rarely easy and painless, in at least one aspect, and they are never lost. Even if love passes, habits and attachments remain that are not so easy to get rid of. Love and affection have brought you together, as you understand?
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After a breakup, there is usually a feeling of emptiness and, of course, loneliness. How to get rid of such a depressing state and leave relationships in the past? But what if you still need to maintain communication with your ex, for example, at work or in a common group of friends?
How to leave a relationship in the past?
If there is no future in a relationship, it means that love has passed or there are other reasons. You must clearly understand that you need to get out of such a relationship as soon as possible. The sooner you understand this, the faster and less painful the period after separation will pass.
So that you understand what feelings you experience for a person when separation is necessary, but there is no love, only attachment and habit, and nothing more, the answer is obvious.
To quickly realize the importance of this step — parting — you need to openly answer the following questions: Why do you need to say goodbye, what will happen, how your life will change, what horizons will open. Indeed, you need to map out your life plan, set goals and objectives, plan to achieve them, and evaluate the actions and methods you will use.
They can move towards career building, self-education and personal development. They can find additional income, find or improve their hobby. A girl has many options that she can choose from. Alternatively, you can take some time for yourself, tighten up and tone up by doing sports or dancing. You can also make new acquaintances, expand your circle of friends, or at least meet a relative of your parents or meet a friend.
If you initiated the breakup, you need to clearly and concisely explain to your ex-boyfriend that you”re not on the same page. You should do this clearly and succinctly, but not cruelly. To avoid crushing her, he needs to understand that this isn”t a whim or weakness.
First of all, explain that your love has cooled. Without this, there can be no relationship. For example, offer him some alternatives. For example, he has time to work more. He appreciates or is learning a new sport.
Try telling him that he wouldn”t be bored without you if he redirected his energy elsewhere. At the very least, try to redirect his thoughts.
If your lover is the one initiating the breakup, try to think rationally. You”re not being obsessively naive. You need to survive. You have no other choice. After all, he”s not the last person on earth, and you still have your whole life ahead of you. You”ll find a worthy partner. In the meantime, try to fill the new void with something useful and interesting in your daily routine. This way, you won”t feel sorry for yourself, and the post-breakup period will pass more quickly and be less pronounced.
What should you do if he doesn”t leave you alone?
What if he doesn”t keep up?
A very persistent admirer might appear, ready to literally spend the night outside your door. If such an admirer decides he”s not the one for you, he”ll have to show firmness. In any case, if you decide to leave, don”t give in to feelings of pity. Otherwise, everything will start to spiral. Besides, next time, the man won”t react so seriously to your intentions. He”ll just start going around in circles, and you”ll have to strike while the iron is hot. Talk to him and explain that he won”t get back together, and make empty promises that you”ll never change your mind. Also, don”t give him false hope or deceive him. Also, consider whether you could hurt someone who loves you so passionately. He”s disgusted.
If you are annoyed by such a man, block him everywhere, constantly telling him the same thing that you can no longer be with him. Stop communication completely. Try to avoid places where you might meet, at least for a while. Limit communication with friends and acquaintances in general. Don”t discuss your suspicions or likes with your friends, as rumors and gossip are terrible. As a result, they will say that you will suffer without him.
Read also:
How to build communication with your ex-girlfriend if you still have feelings
All relationships in which couples do not care about each other will eventually come to an end. This is why psychologists have written a lot Don”t doubt yourself and your decisions, think about what will happen when you come to your senses. The love and passion you once had will never come back, soon you will be fed up with this person again. You need to forgive each other rather than hurt each other because you respect each other and your past together. To enhance the effect, you can list your shortcomings and those moments or situations associated with you that he does not like
If the situation is completely stalemate and the young man in front of you is completely blinded by love, you can slightly understate your advantages in his eyes and inflate your shortcomings. You can even tell him that you are not worthy of him, and he will definitely find a girl who will be better than you.
Remember that this is for your benefit. Because the sooner you leave the relationship that is dragging you down, the sooner you will feel inspired and free in all directions. Freedom not only in terms of love relationships, but also in terms of thoughts, actions and impulses of the soul.
How to behave if you have to cross paths often?
Unfortunately, it also happens that life does not allow us to intersect with people whom we do not want to see in our lives. This also applies to the first option — what to do if you work together or have a common circle of friends. For example, you are both creative people who visit exhibitions or the theater. In this case, how to build communication with the first?
How to behave if you have to cross paths often?
Say hello, find out how you are doing, and hope for pleasant entertainment. Well, or if you broke up very badly, you cannot communicate at all. Try not to evoke unpleasant memories or negative thoughts, just don’t ruin your mood.
It is much worse if a person wants to relax in an interesting establishment, i. e. in the club. Of course, even here you can say hello and exchange a few phrases or not communicate at all. But what happens if you drink too much? Don”t you think that under the influence of alcohol serious confrontations and unexpected and completely unnecessary reconciliations occur?
To avoid this, it is better not to drink, although in your clubs and in various companies it is better not to relax and not drink too much. But if you don”t drink, if you try to control yourself. This doesn”t mean your ex will do the same. Therefore, it is better to find another place to stay.
If you and your ex have a mutual circle of friends and acquaintances, you may want to avoid attending the AGM for a while if you find it too difficult, or at least find out if your ex is attending. If your friends are smart people, they will probably try to negotiate to cross paths with as few people as possible.
If the meeting does take place in the general circle of your friend, try not to be rude. Try to get over yourself and relax. Communicate on abstract topics and try not to let relationship problems or even strangers influence you. Try to remain confident and steadfast.
If you have a very good imagination, you can try imagining others instead. The main thing is not to avoid communicating with your ex; he may think that you are being gentle with the breakup.
The worst of all options is if you work together, and no matter how badly you broke up, perhaps even no matter how badly you treat each other, you will still have to contact. First of all, you need to agree with this idea and convince yourself that only work will bring you closer together.
Over time, when you clearly distinguish between your personal and professional lives, the awkwardness will pass. It’s enough just not to touch the shared memories and not make contact anymore. Do not provoke conflicts, no matter how difficult your separation may be. Observe the business style of communication.
In any case, if you often cross paths, sooner or later you should talk in private and try to build a normal dialogue for further communication without awkwardness and embarrassment. The sooner this dialogue takes place, the faster the adaptation period will pass.
How not to compare all men with your ex and stop trusting men?
Girls often face the fact that if the first relationship was unsuccessful and the man was less captivated, this leaves certain traces. They then begin to suspect that all men are the same and are afraid to trust anyone. However, everyone needs family and loved ones. Moreover, the maternal instinct is so well developed in women that sooner or later every girl wants to become a mother. And without people it is impossible to create a full-fledged family.
So how can we get rid of this persistent idea that all men are equally bad? Yes, of course, there are worthless men, but there are also worthy, good men. First of all, you must understand that everyone is different and that you cannot compare yourself to someone else.
As a child, probably every child was told, because, unlike you, I didn’t like any of my friends’ sons or daughters, etc. Let”s look at this from the male side. You don”t have to tell them that you always compare yourself to your ex-boyfriend, but that”s not fair to them. We cannot lump everyone with the same brush.
To maintain faith in all people, you need to trust them, no matter how strange it may sound and no matter how scary it may be. In short, you need to choose the right people who respect and value you. Learn to look at people and see their positive qualities. To see how people live, you need to be able to communicate with them.
Even if at first glance it seems that a person has only the best intentions towards you, do not rush to open up to him; know how to wait. Give a man a chance to tame you, prove that he is worthy of your trust, look at him and wait. Learn to observe and wait for others.
If you feel that you cannot cope on your own, do not hesitate to contact a psychologist. Perhaps only a psychologist can find the true cause of mistrust. Only qualified help can help you get rid of some problems in relationships with other people.
If you work for a large company and have a psychologist on your staff, ask him for advice on how to communicate with your ex. If he is truly an expert in his field, he will certainly help you avoid conflicts and awkward situations. But if the former do not see each other, what does this mean? Please read the article at the link carefully.
Communication with exes. How not to become a naive Cheburashka?
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