Thinking about another man — is this cheating?
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It is impossible to argue with the fact that betrayal is always painful and bad. No matter what corner of the love ring you are in. But what is cheating, and how can you recognize it before something irreversible happens? Affiliation of the soul, fleeting interest or a simple and banal “my husband returned from a business trip, and we are to blame”? Can thoughts about other men be considered betrayal?
Contents of the article:
Myths about monogamy
Regular thoughts about other men do not make you an insidious cheater, because you are ready to pay attention to them on the street and join in the discussion of a new attractive colleague. You will always see other people, and that”s completely normal. The most common myth about monogamy is that there will always be effort in the relationship, you will never be bored with each other, your partner will never let you down, and other people will automatically become less attractive and interesting.
Even if you love your man very much, this does not mean that your colleagues, friends or random passers-by — asexual beings — are to blame for this. And one day you will want to imagine what it would be like to be next to someone else who never forgets to take out the trash, who doesn’t need to be reminded a hundred times to dry clean your coat, and who can financially take you to the Maldives twice a year.
Cheating is not an obviously unattainable fact of life divided into two parts. Apart from overtly bad behavior such as having sex on the side, interest in another person may go beyond the desire for physical intimacy. For example, various emotional and spiritual attachments are gray areas. This means that they can cause serious problems, but mainly because they do not disagree and it is unclear with whom and when to claim them.
Why are thoughts about another man dangerous if you have never touched each other and you have no plans for reconciliation? It”s very simple: it”s confusing. Women spend more energy on maintaining emotional connections than men. Even if you are not committed, you can still consider it a “virtual” relationship.
Desire attracts opportunity. If your situation changes unexpectedly, you can never be 100% sure you can find a way out. What if you”re unhappy and using thoughts of something else as a shield from reality?
How to Know When Your Thoughts Have Gone Too Far
Ask yourself a few questions to clarify the situation. The more positive the answer, the more serious the problem.
- Do you look around too often?
Human nature dictates: make sure you have the most handsome and strong man by your side. There”s nothing wrong with noticing unusual hairstyles or bulging biceps. However, if you find yourself looking favorably at members of the opposite sex even in the presence of your lover, this may indicate that your relationship isn”t right for you.
Read also: Are there faithful men and can cheating strengthen a relationship?
All women want to be loved. Therefore, betrayal always brings pain, betrayal, and a search for something better. It”s hard to accept, and in some cases.
No, thinking about someone else isn”t betrayal, but incessant fantasies are a wake-up call. Waking up in the middle of the night to have an erotic dream where the main character isn”t your partner, but a new friend—that”s one thing. You can”t control your subconscious. And when you go to bed, you eagerly anticipate meeting for coffee tomorrow.
- Should you hide your communication from your partner?
It could be a childhood friend or a new trainer at the gym, but you understand that your conversation will be more intimate and extend far beyond friendship or professional interests. You feel guilty and pretend nothing is happening, putting your phone down just in case.
- Are you flirting?
Several times, mentally replaying a colleague”s offer to have lunch together, you mentally “go” to the meeting, and if you accept, you begin to feel like nothing will happen. You start to act more casually, leaving him your personal number and responding flirtatiously to his message.
- Do you spend your free time fantasizing about your partner?
Some people don”t understand what”s causing this: difficult times in the relationship or the feeling that they”re not living the life they want.
Why does a woman think about another man or cheat? And why does a man look at other women or cheat?
Imagine that you and your loved one decide to go to another city for the weekend. The road is your two times for shared jokes, plans and secrets. If instead you”re buried in your phone and remembering the details of the last office party, it”s no longer a bell, but a bell. It”s time to understand this.
How to fix the situation
I believe you understand that things have gone too far, but you have the strength and desire to correct the situation. What can you do?
- Look at your relationship from the outside.
Are you truly happy or are you following the path of least resistance? What don”t you like? What do you think about the other man? If you don”t have enough sex in your relationship, you can hardly imagine going to the theater arm in arm with a new acquaintance. These thoughts will be your litmus test for what you both need to work on.
- Think about what caught your attention.
Don”t think about neighbors with dyed jumpers or system administrators from neighboring departments. I mean why? Do you feel safe around him or is he showing you how important you are? Maybe in these “virtual” relationships you make up for what was determined by turning to a psychotherapist?
If your loved one has been acting indifferent lately and sitting at the computer until late at night, it is only natural that you would take the opportunity to communicate with someone who has shown interest in your problems. And now he occupies your thoughts. The more you immerse yourself in your fantasies, the further away you become from real life. It”s time to discuss with your partner what you can do to save your relationship.
Monogamy is a choice you make every day. The human spirit is wired to notice those around you and those who meet your needs. If you”re eating, you silently walk past the window with sweets, and if you forgot to have lunch, you smell smells everywhere. Similar things happen in relationships. You think about a person and distinguish him from others.
Think about someone else, if you are not free normally, this happens at least once in the strongest relationships. The point is to decide how far your thoughts will go so as not to let them destroy your union. Take them not as a betrayal, but as a warning.
