What are the causes of divorce in Russia?
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Is it true that the main reason for divorce is not infidelity, but lack of support from a partner? Psychotherapists talk about the most common causes of divorce.
Contents of the article:
Divorce is the result of the emptiness caused by SC, where the relationship between two people effectively ends, and this can have consequences in the form of a lack of support. People stop being interested in each other and don’t see friends nearby. They stop believing that others can still do something for them. Because maybe it doesn”t matter to him anymore. Betrayal can occur due to lack of support.
According to experts, the position “I do everything myself” is to some extent the same as “I don’t need you.” This is what leads to people moving away from each other — a direct path to betrayal. Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn”t want them.
Why do Russians get divorced?
Why do people get divorced? Here are the results of a study that analyzed the causes of divorce among Russian couples. Sexual and financial difficulties in most cases are the reason for separation in the first few years of marriage.
Over the course of 10-14 years, the risk of infidelity increases sharply, and it is the “left trip” that is the cause of more than a fifth of divorces. In addition, in family life there is no violation of character and a lack of understanding of the background of financial problems.
There is an importance of “obviously” important and specific causes of separation—alcohol abuse and long-term separation.
In recent years, the proportion of corrupt marriages with a relatively long (more than 15 years) experience has been constantly increasing. In many cases where children have been the main bonding force in less successful relationships, the independence of the offspring becomes a reason for divorce. Then the partners already understand that this does not harm anyone.
Compared to Western European countries, there are more divorces in Russia — 80% of family relationships end in this way. Of course, there are more divorces in large cities than in rural areas.
Of course, this is not only due to isolated cases of highly religious families, but also to the enormous degree of anonymity. First of all, in connection with the family breakdown in 2006, experts wondered why a record number of relationships had broken up. Typically, women initiate divorce. The more children they have, the fewer divorces.
As a result of the high divorce rate, it is to be expected that the remarriage rate will be higher—likely due to several years of growth.
The reasons for divorce are ranked by the most common: adultery, alcohol abuse, a blameworthy attitude toward the family, housing difficulties, financial misunderstandings, personality conflicts, sexual problems, distance, and appearance.
Example
For example, a man who took his daughter to a sports club regularly met with the mother of the child who was involved. They discussed the child”s development. Over time, this woman began to share personal problems with her new boyfriend. She confided in him about many things. Most of the time, her husband showed no interest in her; he worked long hours and was often away from home. He was the only person she discussed important things with, and she felt abandoned and alone.
She reached out for support and suddenly found herself in a dangerous situation. This man had also experienced a marital crisis of sorts, which, interestingly, led to his new acquaintance becoming much more aware of the areas he disliked in his own relationship. Previously, he had done something many men don”t do—he confided in a friend that he was on the brink of betrayal. He felt awkward, but only after talking about it and asking his friend for help did he understand the psychological mechanics of the situation. He really liked her, but he decided to cut off contact with this woman. In doing so, he saved his family. Of course, this event alone triggered a change in attitude.
He felt important to this woman because she shared it with him. A woman talking to a man about her impressions of him is like sending a message, even if she”s not talking about her best role. “I see you.” I”m trying to let you know my life, see what I”m going through.” This focus was on the person in this story.
What support do women need and what support do men need?
The attitude of many men is that they focus not on voicing their problems, but on trying to cope with them. And when something important happens in their lives, their partners often know little about it. When asked why they don”t tell their wives, they say they don”t want to burden their wives.
But in reality we are talking about something else. Men just want to avoid the trap. Of course, this is not the norm, but often people are brave enough to express their problems and come to their partners. So what”s going on? The woman who initially states that she wants to know the truth about you suddenly flinches. She is frightened by the problems with which he comes to her. She no longer feels safe around him. What does a man do? He begins to calm her down. We”ll figure it out somehow.”
Read also: A man doesn”t want to get married? What are the reasons and what to do?
Among our parents” acquaintances and relatives, each of us has couples who have been dating for a long time, but are in no hurry to get married. From their side they are happy.
But you can understand the woman; you can understand the man. For example, she has the right to panic because she found out that he took out a loan that he cannot repay. However, if you have already encountered this fact, you may want to support it. Perhaps this couple doesn”t know how to communicate with each other? Yes and no.
Many women lack “real” people — people who have access to all their emotions, can experience and express them. Women who previously considered men to be “filled in concrete” and not expressive of their emotions, subconsciously begin to look for a place where their needs can be met.
A common situation is the loss of a job by one of the partners. Efforts to find something new do not yield results. From one successful person he turns into another who has no job and no prospects. His family”s standard of living is declining. He feels powerless. He lost access to his power. And for peace of mind, he does not seek support from his partner. It”s a slippery slope.
Another example: a successful person from a large company quit his job. Then he became depressed. Because he could no longer afford everything and could not create anything. His partner, a very smart woman, let him go. She did not leave, but only respectfully responded to the fact that he needed to leave.
Gender problems
Many reasons for family breakdown stem from the seizure of control over other people. And sometimes you need a break from each other, from the emptiness that”s overwhelming you. What do you think?” A woman asks a man lying in front of the TV with the remote control. “Nothing.” “But why can”t you think of anything?” And here we have a projection of how women function with men. This is truly important—men don”t have a particular need to express their feelings verbally.
Men sometimes like to talk. But that”s a completely different matter. It”s more of an introduction than an exchange of opinions. An emptiness in his head? This is a disaster for women! “How can he be empty in his head?” “How can he go through the motions?! And what upsets women most? A man who does nothing.
Shocking statistics of divorces in Russia!
In terms of roles, they are as follows. Women come home and say, “You know, I have a problem, my boss told me today.” She says, “I have a problem.” And what do nine out of ten men do? They give advice. How do women respond to that? I like it. Not that they want it.
Her question is that she needs to express it in a way that makes her appear different in this situation, but the male brain doesn”t work that way. If there”s a hole in the wall, you must be tired and shouldn”t talk about it.
Women have more fears than men. Rather, they are more accessible and have better rapport with them.
Perhaps women don”t really like to listen to advice, but sometimes she waits for that male retort. “Sorry. Sorry for your energy.” This persists. Women like it when men rise a little higher, but more often than not, they say, “You don”t understand me at all.” “You”re not listening to me,” because he interrupted her.
Research
For nearly 40 years, John Gottman, a professor of psychology at the University of Washington, has studied divorce. Over the years, he has studied thousands of couples and analyzed thousands of profiles. Today, thanks to his in-depth analysis, he has identified two phenomena that virtually guarantee a family”s breakup. And it”s not betrayal, nor even a financial conflict.
We can still resolve these issues. But, according to the professor, these two things combined portend the inevitable end of life.
Listen
People stop listening to their partner and lose interest in their problems. At least this follows from the results of experiments studying the causes of divorce. Thus, if a person stops being interested in a person whose other half can tell how their partner”s day was or how she announced her plans for the near future, this is a sign that divorce is already in the air. This is because there is nothing worse than indifference or lack of interest in a relationship.
Another thing that leads to quick divorce is learning disability, lack of development. Instead of trying to mitigate conflict, if people create it, they actually drive nails into their relationships. During arguments, they say things that would never be said under normal circumstances.
Such findings may not convince everyone. Many people believe that the most important thing in a relationship is sex, and inconsistency in bed is one of the worst things seen among lovers. Conversely, some people never tolerate betrayal. Whatever may be true, the fact remains: at least according to research by American scientists, couples in which the two above phenomena occur have a 94% chance of divorce.
Which couple has a chance?
In order for a marriage to survive better, it is necessary to minimize problems while maintaining the basic principles of so-called social cohabitation. Family relationships should be based on respect, tolerance and acceptance of individual family members.
Family members of the wife and husband should accept the choice of relatives and respect the characteristics of their spouses without delving into their relationships, lifestyles and decisions. On the other hand, the new person in the family must also abide by the rules prevailing in his half of the family. Both parties are obliged to avoid controversial issues and conflict situations and maintain good relations. Much depends on who stands between family and partner. He must ensure that both the family and the spouse are satisfied with the relationship and that any problems that arise are resolved either privately with the family or face to face with the partner. Therefore, it is very important to communicate and express your feelings.
Family members may have an unfortunate tendency to interfere or manipulate others” marriages, or to pressure certain decisions or behavior. Especially often, relatives cannot find the “golden mean” between good advice, help and interference in the new life of two adults who want to build this life in their own way. The skills needed to build healthy relationships are the ability to build and protect boundaries, and to notice other people”s boundaries.
Misunderstandings often arise when the spouse whose family is experiencing problems does not know how to draw clear boundaries between his personal life and relationships with relatives. The other spouse may even think that their partner does not respect them. An even worse situation arises when partners perceive family relationships differently. Then difficulties arise that are very difficult to cope with.
