What is unconditional love for a man and what is its danger?
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No matter where you are, unconditional love and partner adoption are advertised. What is available on social networks are various thematic forums dedicated to personal and spiritual development. Society seems to have forgotten that only military registration and enlistment offices can accept a person as he is. Well, women. With women, you don”t know what to expect — so the whole question of adopting a relationship remains open.
Contents of the article:
- Selfish people are all around us
- The Harm of Unlimited Acceptance
- Where did the concept of unconditional love come from?
- Religious views
- The view of psychologists
- What about philosophy?
- Does unconditional love really exist?
- A sexually mature person or an infant in the guise of an adult
- Disappointing conclusions due to errors
- In BDSM, unconditional love becomes violence
- Conditions are a friend, not an enemy
Selfish people are all around us
Proponents of the idea of unconditional love believe that it only protects selfish and manipulative people for the benefit of others. Unconditional love is considered a kind of standard, a symbol of progress. Do you meet an alcoholic who alternates dates with you on your weekly shipwreck? Does your girlfriend wear thin straps instead of a skirt that attracts the attention of every man? Nonsense, if you do not accept your partner with all his desires and character traits, then you do not have the ability to give unconditional love. This is how proponents of this concept talk about it.
The Harm of Unlimited Acceptance
On the one hand, such an attitude can be very useful — for example, in relation to the bond between mother and child. However, in the romantic realm, unconditional love can lead to unhealthy situations. Sexy men and adult women are not babies who cannot change themselves to develop quality relationships in society.
And unconditional love in BDSM partnerships can be especially dangerous. In such couples, everything rests on the exchange of power, clear boundaries and devotion to their owner (mistress).
Where did the concept of unconditional love come from?
It”s all about the cultural characteristics of our society. Many forms of Christianity are based on the idea that God loves everyone equally — dedicated monks to a serial killer and his life. At the very least, each of us has the opportunity to repent and find forgiveness.
Religious views
As for Buddhism, its founder, Gautama Buddha, is considered the pure embodiment of unconditional love. He taught people to love everyone without exception, like a mother loves her children.
In the Islamic tradition there is also the concept of unconditional love, expressed in mercy. Allah is sometimes angry, but still shows compassion towards his followers.
The view of psychologists
The founder of the concept of unconditional love in psychological science was Carl Rogers. He proposed the idea of unconditional customer acceptance.
This was one of the main techniques Rogers used in psychotherapy. He showed his clients full support and acceptance, no matter what they said or did. Rogers believed that all psychologists should treat their clients this way.
What about philosophy?
Philosophical knowledge is considered one of the most important foundations that gave impetus to the development of modern psychology. And even here, the concept of unconditional love is not absent. The term was mentioned in the texts of philosophers such as Aristotle and Plato. They wrote about seven forms of love, including stoge (love between parents, relatives, loved ones) and agap (sacrificial, altruistic form of love). Philosophers did not have much respect for romantic affection, considering it a form of madness.
Does unconditional love really exist?
Science confirms that a version of unconditional love does exist. According to one study, the activation of a specific network of neurons in the brain causes the subjectively felt emotion of unconditional love.
Read also: What is love like and do men and women need relationships?
A couple”s love relationship is what most of our contemporaries dream about. Successful career growth and home comfort are not enough for people. Soul.
In this study, this type of attachment was identified mainly between mothers and children. The same feelings we perceive as romantic love are caused and maintained by the motivation and reward center of the brain. In this case, an ensemble of neurons that is activated when mother-child attachment remains inactive. In other words, we are absolutely as connected to our partners as we are to ourselves. At least as far as psychologically healthy people are concerned.
A sexually mature person or an infant in the guise of an adult
Typically, it”s at this point that all fans experience hesitation, leading to acceptance. Angelic patience, boundless devotion, and admiration for the “perfect” qualities of a partner—isn”t this the ideal we should all strive for? No, it”s not. If your partner is an adult, competent person having sex with you, it”s foolish to treat them as if they were an unintentional child.
The psyche of a mature person should live in an adult body. If not, then it”s worth considering. Should you continue building a relationship with a great degenerator? Perhaps this person needs a second mother (a different father)?
Disappointing conclusions due to errors
When is unconditional love really possible? sadhguru
Adults don”t live under the protection of their parents. They are constantly forced to deal with the external environment and its changing conditions. People are programmed to survive and succeed—whether it”s finding food, shelter, or a quality relationship with a sexual partner.
Are you obsessed with unconditional love? Be honest with yourself and answer this question: how would your feelings change if your partner cheated on you? Are you genuinely happy that they”re spending time with another member of the opposite sex and encourage them to continue this path? If not, then there can be no talk of “unconditional love” in the relationship.
In BDSM, unconditional love becomes violence
Sexual violence (like other forms of violence) occurs in a state of power imbalance, when people forget about spiritual unity. Unfortunately, BDSM practitioners are no different in this regard. Some fans of this style have made completely unrealistic demands on partners. For example, on one dating site, you can see the following ad.
“I”m looking for a true submissive who can fulfill absolutely all my desires.”
For anyone who loves BDSM, this “100% humility” should send an amazing message. If a “true subordinate” claims to do absolutely everything, this speaks of his truly inflated self-interest.
Such arrogance can develop into real fetishism, which manifests itself in various fields of art, such as fiction and cinema. For example, the film “The Story of O” has long been positioned by the BDSM community as a masterpiece of BDSM erotica. However, there are many plot instances where the heroine becomes the object of bullying and coercion. All of this is not only sexually offensive, but also makes her completely miserable.
Of course, sexual fantasies about brutality and rape are very common. However, this is fantasy. Inconsistent behavior has no place in true BDSM. A dominant person in his right mind knows how to maintain stability in a couple. This is impossible if the subordinate does not enjoy the process. It is also very important that the one who is in any position “above” or “below” decides what boundaries are acceptable for him and informs his partner about them.
Conditions are a friend, not an enemy
First, each submissive must define these boundaries in their own mind. Consider what types of dominant behavior are acceptable and what types of behavior should not be tolerated under any circumstances. For example, “I will never build a relationship with a person who raises his voice at me” or “I do not need a person who lowers my self-esteem.”
Then, depending on the situation, you should inform your partner of these boundaries. Do this confidently but respectfully. And just follow the agreed conditions. If a partner intentionally crosses the line, we may respond first with a warning and then end the relationship or take other actions. Our conditions are ineffective as long as the rule-breaker avoids them.
Don”t feel guilty about setting conditions. After all, they are part of a healthy relationship between two adults, and the same applies to BDSM.
