I hate sex, how can I find a “likely partner”?
“?
The world literally revolves around sex. You”re advertised certain sexual products, people express their love through sex. But what if you”re not interested in sex? Or even disgusted by it? But you still want a romantic relationship? Let”s figure this out.
Contents of the article:
What”s that even like?
- Not experiencing sexual attraction.
- This happens, but not often (for example, not only with fictional characters in movies, TV series, and cartoons, but also with real people).
- You consent to sex, but for the sake of your partner (or for the pleasure of hugs and kisses, for the concept of children, but not for sexual pleasure), and you personally don”t care, and your life wouldn”t be any worse without it.
- You experience sexual desire, but don”t want partner sex; masturbation is sufficient for you.
Then you fall on the asexual spectrum.
Asexuals are people who, for whatever reason, experience no sexual desire or experience it very rarely.
In most cases, this term is considered part of a spectrum of orientations, including homosexuality, bisexuality, heterosexuality, pansexuality, and asexuality. Asexuality can be understood simply as a low (or absent) libido.
Why are people asexual?
Asexuality can arise for a number of reasons. For example:
- Physiology. Your hormonal balance is such that your body doesn”t feel the need for sexual intimacy, and the needs it does have are met by masturbation or “night orgasms.” When your body needs to relieve sexual stress but has no reason to, it can force you to orgasm without you even realizing it.
- Painful sexual experience. For example, women experience vaginismus—a condition in which the vaginal muscles are tightly contracted, preventing penetration. Vaginalismus is usually caused by psychological factors, such as a fear of pain.
- Libido may decrease due to age, changes and age-related processes in the body. For example, during menopause, sex drive often decreases due to decreased estrogen production. Indeed, many couples who have lived together for many years live without sex. This happens because at this stage of life they do not feel much need for it.
- Principle. For example, a woman has radical and feminist views and wants to take as much as possible from a man, but at the same time she is not a lesbian and does not want a relationship with a woman. In addition, celibacy may be observed for religious reasons.
- The reasons may be psychological. For example, a girl is heterosexual, but sometimes she does not trust and is afraid of men, but she is not attracted to women. Alternatively, sexual reluctance, especially acute avoidance, may be related to sexual trauma.
However, the latter is completely optional. Having an injury that makes you not want to have sex is completely optional. The assumption that “your body is your business” works both ways. If a person can fall in love with a partner in the amount and with the partner he wants, he may not have sex at all. This is absolutely normal.
Is asexuality bad?
No, that”s definitely not a bad idea. This is the usual option. If you are comfortable without sex, there is absolutely no need to change anything about yourself. Discomfort can only manifest itself externally. Focus on your feelings and desires first. If you feel good — what is the problem for others, what do you do or don”t do in bed?
Read also: Where to find a girl for a threesome?
“really, approaching a stranger with such a proposal is not on the street! And how is this usually done? Calm down, we will tell you everything. A.
The only thing: if you experience severe emotional discomfort (fear, your own sense of inferiority, a sense of rejection) or physical pain, or other physiological symptoms, it makes sense to consult a psychologist, sexologist, endocrinologist (possibly a hypolibidologist (possibly low libido due to hormonal imbalance) or a urologist to rule out variants of the disease or improve your psychological state.
Asexual people don”t want relationships?
In addition to asexual narratives, there are allomantics — people who do not experience romantic attraction and do not want to enter into a romantic relationship.
But in principle, no, asexuals are not against romantic relationships in most cases. Asexuality means that a person does not want sex. But he may also love romantically, desire emotional intimacy, want dates, hugs, kisses and touches. This is because such gestures are a way of expressing affection, love and tenderness. Hugs don”t always have to lead to a horizontal transition.
Asexual people may want to have children. And for this, of course, you can do it for the sake of a goal — not for sexual pleasure.
How can you find a relationship if you”re asexual?
Let”s be honest, in the Russian-speaking space of the “progressive internet” “I don”t want sex” is a little easier than “you”re more than that?” In English-speaking countries it”s a little easier, more people are aware of the spectrum of sexual orientation, and there is even a community of people who consider themselves representatives of a certain orientation.
Why does a narcissist have difficulty finding a suitable partner? traumatic connection
However, despite the “geographical” difficulties, there are some recommendations that you can give.
First, you need to decide what you want from the relationship.
- Consider whether you want a relationship in which there is no sex at all, or if you don”t mind having sexual intimacy from time to time — for example, meeting your partner can give you pleasure (and you can get it yourself, through touching and hugging), or sometimes you also feel sexual desire. You may also experience sexual desire.
- Think about your orientation. Do you want a relationship with someone of the same sex or do you disagree?
- What do you think about an open relationship where your partner develops a romantic relationship with you and has sex with someone else?
- Are you considering the option of a long-distance relationship or are living together, live communication and physical contact important to you?
- Are you considering a relationship with a person from another country?
As for where to look, the most convenient option is online. Find the Quire community on social media. There are communities focused specifically on dating. Alternatively, just talk about interests — this will make it easier to find an understanding partner. Since Quir Tema is currently gaining popularity, related communities can be found on any social network where you spend time. Be sure to indicate that you are asexual or queer.
In addition, there are sites and apps for dating people with axial orientation. Unfortunately, they acquired English:
- AsexualCupid.
- asexual. net is a dating site.
However, you can specify your country in the settings to find your compatriots.
You can also use apps that are not asexual. For example, on OkCupid, you can insert a link to asexuality directly into your profile. You can also tell Tinder, Bumble or Lex about it in the bio field to immediately cut off unnecessary questions and save yourself from conversations. With everyone else.
And, of course, you can try to meet someone offline. For example, go to a sports club or start getting acquainted with a dear person who walks his dog at the same time as you.
Unfortunately, statistically it is not so easy to find asexual people. Only 5% of people in the world are asexual, so consider dating someone who is sexually interested but accepts your boundaries in that regard. However, he must be open about himself to keep your relationship honest.
