Polyamory — is it realistic to live long in such a relationship?
The topic of polyamorous relationships evokes mixed reactions from most people. Can such unions be called healthy and happy? What is the “shelf life” of such a relationship? Today we will try to find answers to these and many other questions.
Contents of the article:
What is polyamory?
This is very called “coordinated insubordination.” That is, this is a form of relationship in which each partner has the right to meet several people at the same time. There is no talk of betrayal and lies simply because in such unions “meeting and sex with other people” are discussed and agreed upon. People who enter into such relationships are called polyamorous.
The number of partners on the side is practically unlimited. Moreover, Polyiamore may consider one of its partners as the main one (primary), and the other as a secondary one.
Very often, Polyamor faces criticism from others and prefers not to advertise their relationship. However, when they get into a discussion, they have a very rational argument, showing that the need for love and sexual relationships is different for all people. And maintaining a polyamorous relationship is simply about mutual respect and trust.
Important: Do not conflate polyandry with monogamy. While monogamy focuses on the composition and structure of family ties, polyamory focuses on love.
Historical background: polygamy and polygamy
Moralists shouting at every corner that polyamory is a new invention of the modern generation are completely wrong. The fashion for polyamory began many years ago.
In 1998, the University of Wisconsin conducted a large-scale study and studied more than 1, 000 different societies. Only 186 of them were considered monogamous. Polygyny (polygamy) occurred occasionally in 453 and was very common in 588. Polyandry (plural), of interest, occurs in only four. Some anthropologists even believe that polygamy has been the norm throughout human history.
In 2003, New Scientist magazine suggested that even 10, 000 years ago, most children were conceived by a relatively small number of men. The researchers came to this conclusion by analyzing DNA and the distribution of the X chromosome, and it turned out that some individual males contribute more to the gene pool than others. However, the contribution of women was almost equal. Ultimately, the researchers concluded that, like the ancestors of people of that time, they were “a little more multi-species.”
Polygamy is also very common in animist and Muslim communities in West Africa. In Senegal, about 47% of marriages involve more than one woman (polygamy). Rates of polygamy are relatively high in many Arab countries. And among the Bedouin population of Israel it is about 30%. In 2005, 10, 000 fundamentalist Mormons lived in polygamous households, according to the Salt Lake Tribune.
It is difficult to say where polygamy originally came from. However, scientists have several assumptions. To begin with, polygamy is most common where pre-colonial economic activity was concentrated in labor-intensive subsistence farming. Africa is a prime example of this. Another possible factor is the high infant mortality rate. When many children do not live past the age of five, families need more members to be economically viable.
Unfortunately, there is a war. When many men die, having multiple wives causes the population to increase rapidly. The more wives, the more military and political alliances he can enter into. Even a man”s wealth and status depended on the number of women he had. Over time, large families became a source of pride, while small families were considered a symbol of failure and shame.
Read also: Real reviews from people about BDSM: “I like the feeling of freedom”
Many believe that BDSM is a sexual perversion, and its adherents are people with an unhealthy psyche who enjoy pain and torture. Is it true?.
In a society where there are very few resources, there are many. Polygamy (reproduction) is the best method. The number of children in a family depends on the woman rather than the number of husbands she has, which helps limit population growth.
At the same time, marrying a widow was a social strategy to ensure the care of orphans. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was monogamously married for 25 years until the death of his first wife, who remarried because they were widows in war. The Quran states that a Muslim can have a maximum of four wives, but only if he can treat them all equally. Many traditional African societies followed a similar practice. This was done to preserve large families and their property.
Political leaders around the world also saw many advantages in this approach. For example, in Germany in 1650, the Nuremberg Parliament decreed that each man was allowed to have no more than 10 wives, as that many men had been killed over a 30-year period. Then, in 2001, Sudanese President Bashir encouraged men to take more than one wife to increase the population. He argued that it was the huge populations of China and India that led to their rapid economic development. Myths vs. Reality
Myths vs reality _vs
Cheating on a partner is a desire to satisfy one”s own needs, ignoring the fact that it may hurt at least one person. It is primarily self-serving, and results in a loss of trust and security.
Polyamory requires complete transparency and constant, honest communication between all participants in the relationship.
Myth: Polyamory hasn”t yet met the one.
- Polyamory insists that all your needs and desires can”t and shouldn”t be met. It”s too much of a burden for one person.
In monogamous relationships, people often experience simple boredom. They can”t accept that their partner isn”t willing to share all their interests and beliefs. They ask each other to “be better,” to start thinking and acting. This often leads to a crisis in the relationship and subsequent breakup.
Through polyamory, different partners can meet different needs, leading to true satisfaction.
It is generally accepted that polyamorous people are young people who indulge in bold experiments or who are familiar with the crises of the Middle Ages. However, polyamorous people come in all ages. Many of them were previously only in monogamous relationships, but then realized that they were in polyamory, realizing their needs and resolving jealousy and insecurities.
Myth: Polyamorous people are unhappy people.
- Polyamory//lots of love or little morality?//open relationships
Polyamory//lots of love or little morality?//open relationships
- Of course, sexual variety is attractive even to those in structured monogamous relationships. However, for most polyamorous people, the main attraction of polyamory lies elsewhere.
When I first started my polyamory journey, I had a lot of sex. So many. But besides sex, I also received friendship, support and family. Many of my relationships have not had a sexual component at all, but they have given me a lot of love and mutual respect,” says Dirty Laura, a sexually educated polyamorous woman.
In addition, among polyamorous people there are many asexuals. Polyamory gives them the opportunity to enjoy emotional and romantic intimacy with a partner who does not force them to have sex.
Myth: This type of relationship will not last
- Of course, people are sometimes greedy and envious. It is very difficult to share what is especially dear to the heart. But at the same time, polyamorous people are not superior beings who have achieved enlightenment and never experience je. They just learn to react differently.
Many people are convinced that the ideal polyamorous person should be someone who never experiences feelings of jealousy and calmly accepts their partner”s behavior. This is unrealistic. Humans are messy creatures with emotions. Feeling “je” does not mean that you are doing anything wrong or “bad” with your polymory. Sex therapist Liz Powell explains that:
Myth: Polyamory lives for promiscuity.
- Polyamory isn”t always about sex. Moreover, this is not a group.
Of course, group sex does happen. in specific relationships under specific circumstances. But many polyamorous people don”t do this at all. And even those who love group sex don”t do it 24/7,” says Paige Turner, a polyamorous relationship coach.
Myth: Polymora is not attached to anyone.
- The more love you have, the more likely it is to break your heart. Polyamorous people can also suffer and experience frustration. The only difference, as a rule, is their attitude towards love.
Polyamory and author Charyn Pfeffer argue that Polyamory, with the consent of all participants, allows me to love on my own terms—who I want, how I want, and for how long.”
Polyamory and monogamy. pros and cons / podcast 69
