Who is to blame for infidelity—the husband or the wife? Or both?
Ah, the delicate topic of adultery. If one spouse decides to cheat, can the other be considered unharmed? So many questions and so few answers.
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Why are women blamed for everything?
When it became known that Brad Pitt had cheated on Angelina Jolie with his wife Jennifer Aniston, the global public reacted in a very typical way — they blamed his wife and mistress.
Rumors circulated that Jennifer wasn”t sexy enough, and that Jolie had sparked the movie star”s passion. The result: Pitt emerged from the situation virtually unscathed, Aniston was accused of being too cold, and Jolie was called a shameless housewife. Classic.
It seems that society shifts all responsibility for the quality of relationships onto women. Similarly, when a crisis occurs in a couple, the woman doesn”t try hard enough. Why?
Sex therapist Georgia Nickles explains: There was a division of labor. Men were expected to focus on providing the family with food and shelter, while women were expected to maintain the relationship and provide comfort, care, and Men”s sexual satisfaction. They also looked after the home and children. These stereotypes are deeply ingrained in our thinking. And this is despite the fact that in the modern world, everything is beginning to change.”
But things are indeed changing. Today, women work and raise their children alone. They make every effort to be considered “equal” to men. But if something goes wrong in a relationship, they are still unfairly blamed.
No one tries to pinpoint the cause of betrayal. It”s easy to immediately place the blame on the woman, even if it”s wrong and unfair.
When it comes to a relationship between two people, you can”t blame one or the other. Often, the cause of misconduct is the withdrawal of both partners from each other and from the relationship itself. And this is a sign of a more serious problem,” says sexologist Christopher K. Bellows.
According to Christopher, since many believe that women are obligated to make their men happy, a man”s infidelity indicates that she has done something wrong. “That”s wrong. Women aren”t solely responsible for relationships, sex, and emotional connections,” he says.
What are women blamed for?
It”s no exaggeration to say that when a man cheats, he does so of his own free will. His wife or girlfriend doesn”t force him to do it. But when he does, his partner is perceived as if she”s to blame. The public wants to know what she did and how she “broke” him. They don”t want to know what changed in the man himself. After all, there must have been some changes within him that led him down this slippery slope.
“Women are often blamed for men”s choices. People say the wife probably didn”t give her husband enough sex.
“In other words, women are blamed for not having enough sex, not paying enough attention to their men, or being too concerned with their children. But when it comes to infidelity in marriage, we must consider not only women who have cheated, but also men who have cheated,” says sexologist Hilary Phillips.
Read also: When is it justified to forgive a wife”s infidelity?
They lived a trouble-free life: home life, children, annual vacations at the seaside, Sunday trips to their parents” country house. And here”s the news you won”t expect—it”s mine.
She adds: “If infidelity has already occurred, both partners need to examine the dynamics of their relationship, personality styles, and behavior. The betrayer may have issues, for example, with narcissism or social disorders. Such people are more likely to cheat once and then do it again.”
Why do men cheat?
Besides an uncontrollable attraction to certain women, there are many other reasons why married men might cheat. And often, it”s not about their spouse”s physical fitness, but about feelings and the lack thereof.
“There are so many reasons why people turn to relationships! From my own experience, cheating very rarely happens for just one reason. Often, it”s due to a lack of communication between partners and a feeling of emotional and physical disconnection.
People who cheat often admit that they decided to take this step out of a sense of hopelessness. “There will never be anything exciting in their relationship,” says Phillips. “People can change because of their unrealistic expectations and the disappointment that comes with them. Men lack communication skills and can”t discuss relationship issues. They often confuse sex with intimacy. And when they face disappointment, they turn to exploring women on the side as a solution,” adds Nickles.
What do cheated wives usually do?
What do betrayed wives usually do?
Late wives tend to blame themselves. They start thinking about how things would be different if they behaved differently. Is this the right approach?
But women blame not only themselves, but also all their sins. It also causes their rivals to cheat on their spouses.
On television, it is filled with TV programs. There, legal wives and mistresses attack each other when the indecent truth about their common lover is revealed. Instead of taking out her anger on the betrayer, the deceived woman is attacked by another. But why pursue a woman who stood with you at the altar and promised you something?
Betrayal is destructive. They deprive us of solid ground under our feet. They make us doubt ourselves, our partners, and everything we know about life with him.
“It”s so unusual that defense mechanisms come into play. We blame external factors for what happened. But over time, many people come back and realize they were wrong and begin to really understand why the cheating happened,” Phillips explains.
What should deceived wives do?
How should cheated wives act?
“When they start pointing fingers at a deceived woman, she should think that she needs people around her,” Whitebeard asks.
It is also important to understand that in our time marriage itself and our attitude towards it have changed. We expect our partners to help us build our life together and support us in everything, while playing the role of best friend and passionate lover. That’s a lot for one person,” Phillips says.
Phillips adds. We can only manage these high expectations through open and honest communication between partners. This approach reduces the degree of pressure on the couple, which, in turn, reduces the risk that partners will decide to deceive and betray.”
Is it possible to restore a relationship after cheating? Should a betrayed partner forgive the person who deceived him? The correct” answers to these questions do not suit the couple in 100% of cases. It is clear that the final “verdict” should be made by the partners themselves, and not by an outside observer.
Who is to blame for the betrayal? husband or lover?
