Why is it so difficult for us to talk about painful sex?
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Discussing intimate issues can be difficult even for those closest to you. But if sex brings pain instead of pleasure, it is impossible to endure it silently. Even “for the sake of your partner.”
Contents of the article:
Dyspareunia and men
Pain during intercourse syndrome is a term that refers to pain that occurs in the genital or pelvic area during sexual intercourse. The pain can be very sharp and intense. This can happen before, during or after the act. It is more common in women than in men.
Pain during sex in men can be caused by:
- Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
For example, herpes and gonorrhea. These conditions can cause itching or burning, sores, lumps or blisters on the penis or anus.
If you are in doubt, you should consult a specialist. The earlier the disease is detected, the easier it is to treat.
- Problems with the foreskin.
Men who are not circumcised may develop a foreskin problem, a condition in which the foreskin becomes narrow. It may become inflamed and bleed. This problem can be solved with the help of special ointments or surgery.
- Abnormal curvature of the penis
Abnormal penile curvature can also cause pain during erection. Curvature can occur over time if scar tissue forms on the penis as a result of injury or infection. Here we can already talk about Peyronie”s disease. They are treated both conservatively and surgically.
They can be benign (cysts) or malignant. Except for those associated with sexually transmitted diseases.
A condition in which an erection is not accompanied by sexual arousal, but lasts a long time and causes pain.
Some men have allergic reactions to chemicals found in vaginal secretions or contraceptives. A specialist can help identify the cause of the allergy.
- Hypersensitivity.
After orgasm and ejaculation, the penis becomes very sensitive and continued sexual intercourse becomes painful. In this case, you should take a time out or find another way to please your other half.
- Skin diseases.
For example, balanitis is an inflammation of the skin on the head of the penis. It can develop as a complication of a sexually transmitted infection or in the presence of diseases such as diabetes or psoriasis. It is characterized by swelling, redness of the foreskin, discharge and inflammation of the lymph nodes in the groin.
Dyspareunia and women
As mentioned above, pain during sexual intercourse is more common in women. According to statistics compiled by medical experts in the United States, three out of four women report experiencing pain during sex at least once in their lives.
Pain can occur in and around the vulva, inside the vagina, at the opening of the vagina, and in the area between the vagina and anus. Some women also report pain in the lower back, pelvis, uterus and even bladder.
Possible causes of pain during sexual intercourse in women include:
- Contact dermatitis.
Often occurs as a result of an allergic reaction to scented soaps, lubricants, or condoms. May cause cracks and tears in the delicate skin of the vulva.
- Endometriosis.
This occurs when the tissue that normally lines the inside of the uterus grows outside the uterus, often in the pelvis. Symptoms of endometriosis include indigestion, diarrhea, constipation, polyuria and stabbing pain. However, this set of symptoms is often mistaken for appendicitis, irritable bowel syndrome, or mental disorders.
Chronic vulvar pain that lasts more than three months and is not associated with infection or other diseases. The sensation experienced by patients with vulvodynia is often described as a burning sensation.
This is an inflammation of the vaginal mucosa. This may be caused by a bacterial or yeast infection. Some women develop vaginitis as a result of menopause or other skin conditions.
Read also: 7 things during sex that show he respects you
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Painful, involuntary contraction of the vaginal muscles. This makes it difficult or impossible for the penis or adult toys to penetrate. Causes can be physical and psychological, including hormonal changes, fear of sex and trauma. Many women with vaginal spasms find it very difficult to use tampons or undergo internal examinations.
They may be caused by other conditions, such as endometriosis, or may develop during pregnancy. Sometimes cysts can rupture and leak fluid.
- Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)
These include inflammation of the fallopian tubes, ovaries and uterus. This can make penetration during sex very painful. These conditions may indicate more serious problems caused by infection.
Gynecologists have not found any of the above problems, but sex continues to hurt? There are many other reasons why sex can be painful for women. Namely.
- Vaginal dryness;
- Chronic fatigue;
- Problems in relationships with a partner.
- Shame, guilt, fear and anxiety caused by sex.
- Daily stress due to financial problems or problems at work.
- Changes in estrogen levels (including during and just before menopause);
- Allergic reactions to hygiene products;
- Side effects of medications that affect libido and lubrication (including oral contraceptives).
Consequences of dyspareunia
Why it can be difficult to talk about sex
- The disease is getting worse.
If pain during sex is caused by any disease, do not delay visiting a doctor. The sooner a diagnosis is made, the faster the problem will be solved. And we are talking not only about sex, but also about health.
- Stress takes its toll.
Not being able to have and enjoy sex can be a serious blow to your mental health, damaging your self-esteem and leading to depression and anxiety disorders. Constant stress has never helped improve your health or make you happier.
- Destruction of relationships.
No, the point is not that your loved one will leave you immediately after he finds out about your problems. Hiding your condition and simply refusing sex or taking your anger out on your partner does not benefit the relationship.
How can I discuss this topic with my partner? We are only now approaching this.
Dialogue on a “forbidden” topic
Let”s be honest: No one likes having awkward conversations about sex. And it’s even more unpleasant to admit that you have “wounds.” But it”s still necessary.
Relationship expert and psychotherapist Neil Wilkie and relationship and sexuality expert from Uberkinky sex toy company Ruby Payne will tell you how to have difficult conversations with your partner. They have prepared a list of recommendations for you:
- If you experience pain during sex, ask your partner to stop. Tell them how you feel and when exactly the pain occurs — perhaps the problem is related to a certain movement or posture.
- If your partner addresses you in an open conversation, listen calmly. Don”t blame everything in advance — you may not be the point.
- If your partner is in pain, ask what you can do to help. Discuss possible visits to a doctor or psychologist.
- Come up with a “plan B”. Sex is not limited to penetration of the penis into the vagina. You can always try other ways to please each other.
- Ask each other two simple questions: “What do you like about our sex? What would be even better?”
Diagnosis and treatment
Don”t do two things. Close your eyes to the problem and allow yourself to be diagnosed. Even if the symptoms are the same. Even if there are no symptoms at all. Leave it to a specialist. Don”t delay your visit to him. But when you face it, don”t hide anything and don”t be ashamed of your condition.
Your problem is not “weird” or “shameful.” Millions of people around the world face this. It is your duty to yourself to consult a doctor promptly and monitor your health.
Liana, 30 years old, suffered from pain during sex. “Shouldn”t sex make me feel good?” She asked her question. She suffered from sexual discomfort and painful menstruation for years before being treated by a doctor who told Liana she had endometriosis. After undergoing a course of treatment and surgery, the woman eventually learned what it was like when sex did not bring pain.
Jen, 30, did everything she could to make sex happen as quickly as possible. She did not focus on her problems and did not discuss them with anyone. When she saw her gynecologist (for other reasons), he noticed her muscle tension and diagnosed Jen with pelvic floor muscle spasms. Now Jen and her husband spend more time on foreplay — thanks to this approach, she experiences less discomfort during sex.
Tara Langdahl-Schmidt is 32 years old and has a Vulva. She and her husband use a vaginal dilator just before sex to reduce pain. We tried many creams, but nothing helped. And using the dilator 20 minutes before ACT solved the problem — the muscles relax and blood flows to this area. It helps with fat loss,” says Tara.
These stories with happy endings prove that painful sex is a problem solved. You need to be determined, first to have a frank conversation with your partner, and then to visit a doctor. Your couple deserves a happy ending too.
