3 simple steps to bring sex back into your relationship
This happens even with ideal couples who never quarrel or argue during a long-term relationship. At first they can’t tear themselves away from each other, they always want to hold their partner’s hand, they fall asleep and wake up together, but what happens after a while?
Contents of the article:
The spark fades and gradually disappears, but instead of leaving the relationship as it is, try to revive old feelings at least once. Yes, it”s mostly about sex. For many people, proximity is the deciding factor. If sex is a no, then that”s a good reason.
Causes of stress due to lack of sex in a relationship
- False expectations.
Libido plays an important role. In a long-term relationship, it”s natural to expect that sexual desire will change over time. However, movies, books and TV shows present a completely different situation. On-screen couples never separate from each other for a minute and have nothing to do with real life.
In the first months of a sweet, pleasant relationship, there is undoubtedly a constant desire. It is during this period that emotions run high, and partners explore their bodies and preferences as if it were an exciting quest. Sexologists often remind us that these are love tricks or otherwise chemical reactions in the body. When dopamine (the happy hormone) explodes, people are more likely to return to bed, but this powerful response also dies down again. It is being replaced by a period of stagnation.
Love may last a lifetime, but the chemical formula only works for a short time — 18 to 36 months. Depressed moods and lack of desire are not surprising as lovers begin to return to previous levels of hormone production. Expectations that everything would be like in a romantic film were dispelled. Partners who enjoyed sex feel abandoned. They feel like the relationship is disappearing, something is wrong, or something inside is suddenly destroyed and cannot be restored.
- Lack of established dialogue
Nothing ruins sex more than mediocrity and sometimes the same missionary status. The longer the conversation is delayed, the heavier the burden. Try to collect your thoughts and bring the discussion of sex into the relationship. There are many aspects to consider: favorite positions, pace, long-hidden fantasies, duration, frequency, etc.
Also remember that absolutely every couple has problems. The forgotten ones will definitely appear, but not at the most opportune moments. Start the conversation yourself!
- Negative thoughts.
How to put a clear end to a relationship without the possibility of returning everything? Of course, at first you are setting yourself up for failure. So don”t follow this bad advice while thinking about your upcoming breakup or sad speech. On the contrary, the more positive you think, the more likely it is that the dark streak in your relationship will end.
This is how the human brain works. Our thoughts unconsciously motivate us to action. While you”re telling yourself, “This is the end” or “We”re not compatible,” the breakup is really creeping into your quiet corner. Why do you say “why”?
Steps to solving the problem
Find out why sex disappeared
- Psychological factors.
Often problems in the sexual sphere are determined by the mental state of the partner. The other half, experiencing constant tension and stress, will, not surprisingly, dream of a soft bed, but will soon fall asleep, which is not very fun.
Read also: How important is sex for a relationship and is it possible without it?
Relationships without sex — is this normal? We look at this aspect of relationships from the point of view of a man and a woman. Is sex a necessity? We are all different.
It is important to determine the cause of the problem as soon as possible and minimize or even eliminate its impact. To do this, you should return to the previous point and understand that you need to discuss everything related to the relationship.
Discuss with your loved one how you can avoid worry and pressure, or suggest taking at least one day off completely. Just because you are doing it together, the changes are already noticeable.
- Relationship problems.
The second most common problem in sex is the point about arguing. Think about upcoming conflicts and conflicts with your partner. Perhaps you were overwhelmed by intense jealousy or your communication slipped away?
In this case, sex can become a kind of outlet, an opportunity to throw out all your feelings, but in a positive way. Introduce this experiment to your partner. Perhaps the passion will flare up again and will not disappear in the future.
❤️ HOW TO BRING SEX BACK INTO A RELATIONSHIP ❤️ Anna Komlova
- Indirect factors
Diagnosing the problem is not always easy. This is due to the fact that they can be aggravated by additional factors, mainly family ones.
For example, the birth of a child. After the workload endured and significantly increased responsibilities, even short intimate relationships are out of the question. And this is the main mistake! New parents need to maintain a level of intimacy. It is also important to understand that life cannot be divided into “before” and “after” the birth of a child. This is just a small member of your close-knit family and is not the cause of all problems. First of all, reconsider your attitude towards the problem. If the issue is related to physical inconvenience, simply inform your partner about it, and the problem will gradually resolve itself.
Psychologists also call situations such as work emergencies, moving, or financial difficulties high-stress. Try to stabilize the situation and not drown your loved one in a cauldron of problems. Take responsibility for your loved one”s daily routine and other aspects of life so you don”t let them down.
Discuss with your partner
It”s finally time to sit down and discuss things like adults. But never rush — the conversation must be planned.
First of all, remember the wonderful word “tact” and do not deviate one step from its meaning during a conversation. Disobedience can lead to big fights! You must be polite: use soft words (“I want / let”s talk”), show concern for your partner”s feelings and show that you are willing to listen and change something.
Secondly, wait for the right moment. It would be ridiculous to start a conversation after a busy day at work. Usually, after a long journey home from the office, you just want to lie down and not only not wake up again, but also not solve complex problems that require your attention. The best option is to directly ask your partner about free time. Create an environment where you will not be disturbed by calls or unexpected arrivals in the room.
Finally, don”t blame. It is absurd to blame your partner for all your mistakes. Relationships always involve two people. This means that the conflict begins on both sides. Let your lover know right away that you are on one side of the boxing ring, not on both ends.
Take joint action to correct the situation:
This advice doesn”t involve seeing a couples therapist, which isn”t suitable for everyone, as “bringing someone out of a drinking binge” isn”t common practice. But who, if not a specialist, can more accurately determine the root of the problem and eliminate its negative impact?
If this idea has been haunting you for a while, don”t wait. Gently let your partner know that you”d like to schedule an interesting session and try working with a psychologist. Your partner is unlikely to refuse such delicate requests, as you”re committed to saving the relationship.
- Change your approach to sex.
The last, and therefore less important, signal is that it”s time to change your attitude toward sex as a chore. When you mentally marry yourself off: “We definitely need to have sex today; we haven”t been doing this for long,” it”s time to sound the alarm and move on to the next thing. Change your attitude toward sex and make it your top priority. As we all know, appetite comes with eating, so why not apply this rule to sex?
If you”ve reached the final stage, congratulations! The first steps to rekindling the spark in your relationship have already been taken. Your ability to bring back vivid emotions and passion in bed is in your hands alone!
