Confession of a wife: “I don’t want sex with my husband, but divorce is not an option”
People seem to love each other but sleep in different rooms. Paradox. She still has to be different. This is the confession of a wife who has not been in the same bed with her husband for a long time. She explains the main reasons why she doesn”t like sleeping with her husband and details the benefits of being alone in bed. Perhaps this story will help someone.
Contents of the article:
Most importantly, they will know and understand that this is not the case at all. The rest of the story is told in first person.
I don”t sleep with my husband: what”s wrong?
My man and I don”t sleep together. Each of us has our own room, our own bed. He falls asleep in the master bedroom and I fall asleep in the children”s room. It was difficult at first, but very convenient. But a little later about the convenience of separate sleeping.
Someone will ask the question: if you are not old, if you are not 80 years old to think about late peaceful sleep, how can you sleep separately? What about sex and daily lessons? And these questions are very logical, sensible and correct.
Let”s go back a few years.
Long before my husband and I came to the idea of sleeping separately
Of course, we didn”t always sleep separately. When we started living together after our wedding, we literally didn”t get out of bed because we couldn”t get enough of each other. These are the most sincere and genuine feelings that were between us.
Five years after our wedding, our first child was born. He and I have always been of the opinion that a child in bed with two spouses is wrong. My son needs his own bed. He will be very comfortable.
From childhood, you need to instill in your child a love of personal space. And if not in one situation from the past, then everything will be fine. My baby fell asleep on my chest in our shared bedroom. From that moment on, there were no longer two of us in the room, but three. And it shouldn’t be this way, despite the fact that this is our beloved and long-awaited son, and we love him very much (note to all couples!). From this we have identified two negative aspects associated with the presence of children in the parents’ room
- Now there are always three people in this bedroom. These are all children.
- Sex as a pleasure faded into the background because children became a priority.
As a result of a mistake that my husband and I made: our son began to constantly be in our bedroom: in the morning, feeding, playing, falling asleep. Our bedroom and our bed became the special world in which he wanted to be.
There was no point in depriving my son of this pleasure to which he was accustomed. That”s why we got used to sleeping together. There were even times when neither of us could sleep, even if we were in bed with our spouse. It seems that this is the same option when we could have sex and enjoy each other, but this did not happen either. I wanted a son nearby who would give us pleasure and security.
So we lived there for two years until we showed up. Second child. Do you understand how difficult the situation is? We are having a hard time getting used to the fact that we will no longer be able to fall asleep with our husbands, because there are already three of us, and now there are four. Any hope that we could stay together was gone forever. We have even weaned ourselves off loneliness. We prioritized, it was difficult what to do. And what they stood for in the first place: for
Read also: My wife doesn”t want sex — how to get the desire back
“she says she”s always tired”; “She always accuses me of only touching her when I want to have sex with her.”; — Typical.
Everything has changed
Due to the fact that we did not sleep with our husband and were constantly near the children, each of us began to “break down”, our characters began to change, we began to quarrel more often. What intimate things can you talk about if you don’t understand each other? The child fell asleep in our room, my husband stayed with him, and I went to the nursery, recovered and went to bed myself. This way of life has become a routine.
Over time, I began to come to the conclusion that I did not want to sleep with my husband. Children filled the whole space so much that sex became just a word, but not an action. In this case, what should I do if I don’t want to share a bed with my man? Why did I become unwanted? Maybe there”s something wrong with me? Most importantly, do not blame everything; self-flagellation does not lead to good. Having two children who take up all our precious time, I have discovered several main reasons. Why did I suddenly fall asleep with my husband?
- Daily stress. Daily multifunctionality and busyness do not even allow you to think about sex, let alone such behavior. It”s all up to the kids and they can only go away for an hour or two. Yes, but having sex and then locking your child in another room does not give you the opportunity to relax. All thoughts are only about having a son or daughter.
No more children are planned. The risk of pregnancy is reduced. Everything seems to be going well. You can sleep together and not think about unexpected surprises. However, in practice, such pills significantly reduce the level of female libido. As a result, not only do they not want to sleep with their husbands, but they also generate intense enthusiasm, abstracting themselves from the second person in the other room. Tablets often behave inappropriately.
We have sex, but not as often as before. We do this without condoms because we are not small people. The only method of protection is contraception. However, they have a negative effect on the body. That”s why I don”t want a man as often as I used to.
- Character change. When people are young they behave one way, when they get older and start having children, people change internally. The same thing happened to us. We are different.
For example, my husband is no longer romantic, he is no longer as kind and loving as he was five to ten years ago. They were replaced by seriousness, responsibility, and sometimes even poor hygiene due to constant work and, as a rule, lack of sleep. By the way, another reason for separate bedrooms: everyone should have their own space and relaxation. Accordingly, I stopped wanting people because affection and touching are not the same thing, but if sex arises, I have to tell the person what to do and tell him what to do.
- Hormones. The biggest reason why I didn”t want intimacy with my husband for a certain period of time was the restructuring of my body”s hormones after the birth of our two children. I was so immersed in motherhood and the desire to spend time with children that intimate life became a completely inactive factor for me.
I can say that as a mother, my children have become the meaning of my life. In this regard, hormones are capricious, and your condition can be compared to hell, because you are happy and ready to flap your wings to the skies. Such emotional fluctuations are very shaky. Against the backdrop of such hormonal imbalances, depression appears; you want to see as often as possible that men are not lazy to help you with your children.
- Complexity. And the last point I want to touch on is the figure. No young, toned hips, butt and breasts that my husband once fell in love with. This must be accepted and experienced. I still cannot accept that I will no longer be the same; I”m not the same person I was before.
Because of my own chubby figure complex, I don”t want my husband. Because I think I look terrible in his eyes. However, they love beautiful girls with juicy curves. I once had the same tension. But with the advent of children everything changed.
What to do if you are a family, but you don’t want sex?
- Discussion. Not everyone succeeds the first time. Many people don”t listen to each other and refuse to please and stay in touch. Share your thoughts about why you don”t want to sleep with each other. Come to a common conclusion and find a compromise.
- Warm up the relationship. Even though you have children, it is important to find a common thread with your husband. Look for interesting contacts. This is either going to the gym, or correcting your figure through more sports activities and going to a sex shop for a more varied life (unless, of course, there is time for this).
So we came to the conclusion that we sleep separately much more often than together. And sex in our once hectic lives has been reduced to once or twice every two weeks. And although I would love to change all this and want my husband again, there are several factors that prevent me from doing this. I try to understand everything, read smart books, change my mind, but it’s very difficult for me. We are simply going through a healing process. From now on, you have a lot to discuss in order to enter a new phase of intimate relationships. Good luck!
