Friends with Benefits: Reasons to Avoid It
Can friends become lovers? Researchers in the United States looked into this question. They found that two out of three university students have had at least one sexual relationship with a friend. More than a third of respondents (36%) are currently dating a friend.
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In general, friendship is a great idea if you”re just looking for fun without further commitment. However, before entering into a relationship with a friend, it”s worth pausing and considering whether social interaction is possible. Surprisingly, however, our friends are not the best choice for long-term romantic relationships.
Expert Psychologist”s Opinion
The aforementioned study also yielded some interesting results. Only 10% of friendships developed into romantic relationships. Scott Johnson, one of the lead researchers, believes that if you want to have sex with them, why not just once or twice? However, when it comes to relationships, a friend”s infidelity simply means the end of the friendship. You may feel sexual attraction to your friend. However, in reality, it may simply be deep compassion for them. If you don”t feel you have the strength to end a sexual relationship in time, think three times before engaging in it. After all, there”s a high risk of losing a good friend. Is it worth risking a friendship for sex? I don”t think so.”
What Are the Pros?
The main advantage of such relationships is that friends have very similar personalities. Friends who become lovers can be easygoing and good people. The benefits of sex itself are also undeniable. If a person is forced to abstain for a long time, it”s not surprising that they are ready to enter into a relationship with a friend. Regular orgasms are undoubtedly beneficial to health. However, psychologists still advise relying on self-stimulation and waiting for the right partner for a romantic relationship, rather than ruining the friendship.
Main Cons
Besides the risk of losing the friendship, there are two other obvious risks associated with such closeness. Namely: pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Even close friends can contract sexually transmitted diseases and become pregnant, just like anyone else. If you don”t feel comfortable negotiating about contraception or disease prevention, don”t do it, Johnson advises. Don”t let the moment fool you. Less than 10% of students who took part in the survey reported that they did not think about the risk of sexually transmitted diseases at all.
Read also: Real reasons why a girl doesn”t want sex this question plagues many men. Some seek advice from friends, others turn to psychological forums, where they turn out to be not the most competent.
Yes, ending a sexual relationship is never easy. People are obsessed with the belief that they can take a friendship to the next level,” Johnson emphasizes. But no matter how difficult it may be, sexual relations with a friend should be interrupted. If it has not yet developed into something and is not associated with strong feelings, do it as soon as possible.
If You Still Want Romance: What to Do
Love remains a special relationship, even with a best friend you”ve known for years. And no one can guarantee that everything will work out. However, if you do decide to have a romantic relationship with a friend, psychologists offer the following recommendations:
- Go on a real date. Unfortunately, all concerts, movies and sporting events attended together do not count as dates. So give each other a real candy bouquet.
- Then plan longer activities together. For example, weekend trips. This will allow you to see each other as partners rather than friends.
- Don”t jump into bed on the first date. Postpone sex until you have made a reasonable decision about starting an intimate relationship.
- Consult a psychologist. Of course you are good friends. But friendship does not necessarily mean shared views on sexual compatibility, finances, holidays, or family priorities. It is best to learn about each other”s beliefs with the help of a specially trained person — a psychological consultant.
- Stay together, without intimacy, to understand each other”s shortcomings. Perhaps all it takes is a weekend together. Then, after the first weekend, you”ll realize that you don”t want a messy girl who leaves her dirty dishes everywhere, even if she”s your best friend.
Before you become emotionally invested in a person, see if you can live with someone like him/her. Maybe your friend is spending money left and right? Or maybe you don”t like sleeping at home on weekends? Perhaps you need sex three times a week, but this “sticker” can please yourself and others at most once a month?
Or one of your friend”s lovers may dream of children day and night, while the other may not need them at all. Think about all these points. Talk about them with each other or in the presence of a competent psychologist,” Johnson advises at the end of the interview.
Friendship and friendship between men and women. Psychologist Larisa Bandura
