How to get rid of the feeling of “being used” after sex?
The terrible and humiliating feeling that you are just a man”s toy and he is using you for his own pleasure is not such a rare occurrence. Women can admit that this is one of the most uncomfortable moments in their intimate life. Can this be avoided? And what follows from this?
Contents of the article:
Who most often feels used
Women of any age and any status can find themselves in such a situation. In this case, it does not matter whether they are married or in an open relationship. A husband may amaze his wife in bed, but a chance meeting that ends in bed leaves tender memories for a lifetime. There is no guarantee that you will meet a man who thinks only of himself and is not interested in the well-being of his partner. Another thing is that such an attitude towards a woman hardly applies only to intimate relationships. Representatives of the fairer sex can deliberately turn a blind eye to some behavioral characteristics of the chosen one — they want to correspond to a pre-conceived positive image. This approach is dangerous because both shape perceptions of female victimization. Victimization in this case manifests itself in submission and sometimes in behavior towards those who cause serious psychological distress (mental disorder). Weaknesses play a major role in this case. And also the belief that her love will sooner or later cure him. If a woman first takes the position of a victim, then sooner or later she herself will become a victim. How depends on how far the person goes. If your lover initiates sex without asking you if you want it, it is no different from rape, provided you are willing.
Who owes what to whom?
Psychologists say that feeling effectively used means a woman didn”t get what she expected in an intimate relationship. At the same time, men may not realize they owe their partners anything (it doesn”t matter what they do, give, or say—the important thing is that they don”t). So decide what exactly you expect from intimacy. At the same time, a man is willing to do this. Reservations aren”t random. There”s another category of women (let”s call them “Turgenev-like”).
- They don”t know what they ultimately want from a man.
- They”ve set the bar too high.
To clarify this group, when a man is about to have sex with a woman, he wants sex first and foremost. He has no idea what he”ll give her afterward—he doesn”t even know what he”ll say before, after, or even during! He can”t cope—that”s just the way the male body works. A man focuses on his main goal—having a child (albeit usually only nominally), and everything else is unimportant. At least, that”s often how it works in nature: seduced and impregnated, she fulfills her highest destiny and then becomes free.
Also read: How to overcome the fear of sex? the intense anticipation and some fear of first sexual contact is familiar to both boys and girls. It”s a completely natural phenomenon.
Another thing is that humans are the only mammals with abstract thinking: we can think very abstractly. And since we can plan pregnancy, we are already different from animals and can empathize (sympathize) and show kindness in bed, regardless of what happens next. But to expect a man to propose after sex is to be very naive these days. Only “unlucky” Larisa Ogdalova could believe and wish that her lover will inevitably marry her because she shared his bed.
The rich cry too
This relationship pattern is established when relationships begin between people who are initially in different financial weight categories. This refers to the type of mistress that used to be called ketter. This term is disrespectful, but it accurately conveys the meaning of what is happening. Rich people use women”s bodies. An apartment, a car, money, furs, jewelry — but not love. And he has a family. But even family members often believe that the latter is used when a billionaire marries a young girl. The husband treats her like an expensive purchase that can be used, shown and shown off — and again closes her with a golden cage.
Excessive impressionability and ignorance of male psychology
A man turns on his side and falls asleep after sex. This is because he was indifferent to it and needed your body as a tool for pleasure.
For some reason, some women believe that after intercourse their partner feels as inspired as she does. Never. It is believed that this man takes possession of the woman, but from an energy point of view she is the donor to whom he gives his strength. Many men describe sensations such as post-ejaculation bliss and complete emptiness. “I spilled it on him.” If a woman after this wants gentle words, loving touches and other pleasant afterwords, then a man most of all wants to relax. It”s best to sleep in the evening. Especially if it’s a hard day at work. Therefore, you should not get upset in a hurry, this is not the case.
What to do if you are being taken advantage of
He doesn’t know how to do it differently — where does this confidence come from? Or is this behavior okay with you? Sorry, but please don”t complain. Otherwise, it is like playing several roles: the executioner and his victim. If this doesn”t suit you, talk to him. If something prevents you from doing this, it means that not everything is so good in your relationship. The main thing is to understand that everything depends on you. If you remain silent, nothing will change. You cannot cause such a situation with your first message: you cannot live without me — at the same time, you make his life as possible as possible with your care, sometimes even financial assistance. When a man “slides” you are satisfied: he is mine. But then he will enjoy the use of sex, which includes all this, including not thinking that he is obliged to respond to anything. Why not? “But she likes it herself, she was the first.”
Calmly evaluate his attitude towards you and the prospect of your connection, and not his fantasy system. If you understand that he does not love you, intimacy occurs only because he feels sorry for you — do not accept this handout (call a shovel a shovel). If he is driven by some selfish purpose, reject him immediately. Finally, return to where the conversation started. You will never be able to have sex:
- When I don”t want it;
- In a form unacceptable to you.
- With a person who has already shown violence (including in bed).
You need to be able to break up with a man who is using you; you need to be able to break up with a man who is using you. This is the whole secret. Yes, it will hurt, but it will pass. But there is also self-respect.
