How to keep sex if you”ve been married for a long time?
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Yes, you no longer feel like a teenager in love or confused by passion. But does this mean that now you cannot enjoy a normal married life?
Contents of the article:
It”s not just your problem
Sarah Kubrick is a psychotherapist. When Sarah posted a Q& A on Instagram again, she noticed an interesting pattern. Most of her subscribers were worried about only one question: “How to get rid of boredom in bed if I’ve been married for a long time?” They were worried about only one question.
“Do all couples experience boring sex?” Or is it just me?” I asked some of my followers. “This is actually a pretty common problem. There are no problems with this. There are many reasons why this happens,” Kubrick reassures.
The reasons, by the way, are as follows:
- We got used to each other.
The most obvious reason for sexual “boredom” is that the mystery and mystery between you has disappeared. You”ve gotten to know each other, are used to each other, and are familiar with each other”s daily routine. At some point, you came to the conclusion that sex begins to contain elements of surprise, pleasant anticipation and anticipation.
However, one should not assume that surprise and novelty are no longer out of the question. Many couples in this situation complain that there is no more room to explore. But I don’t think that’s really the case,” says Sarah.
In long-term relationships, partners grow and change over time. It”s important to remain open and curious about who your partner is becoming. The same applies to his sexual needs and desires.
Perhaps your loved one”s tastes have long changed. Or perhaps he wants to try something new. Many spouses do not try even half of what they dream of. This is where regular experimentation and open conversations about your sexual fantasies can help. For example, try a new position every week or month. In other words, it”s important to give your relationship the opportunity to surprise each other.
- It”s not just about sex.
Problems in sex may not be associated with the sexual act itself, but with unresolved conflicts, resentments, fears and self-doubt. For many couples, the quality of sex is inextricably linked to the quality of their emotional connection. If they feel distanced from each other, this may move into the bedroom.
Sex with a new partner is exciting simply because everything is new. This is a special time for all couples. Sex is good this time of year.
And the partner relaxes. Compliments, surprises and other signs of attention are becoming increasingly rare. Partners no longer try to win each other — they do not carefully monitor their appearance and do not listen carefully to each other. Under such circumstances, the desire to have sex often disappears.
Read also: Harmony in sex: how to achieve and maintain?
All healthy adults need sex. But not only do you have someone on hand, you can indulge in an eruption at any time. It”s important to be with him.
Thoughts can also have a significant impact on your sex life. Do you feel marital sex is an obligation? The notorious “marital obligation”? Why are you having sex with each other?
It can be very difficult to get rid of boredom and a sense of routine in the bedroom when the main motivation is that you “should” be doing it in order to do “all the usual couples things.”
- You have no personal space
You need personal space to feel sexual desire and interest. When couples are in long-term monogamous relationships, problems often start in this space.
Some partners spend literally all their time together. They go to the toilet together (the second one celebrates while the second one takes a shower), have the same social circle, etc. After some time, saturation occurs with each other.
It is very important that partners are able to separate themselves and understand that they are independent and separate individuals. Setting boundaries is the key to success. Have your own personal interests, your social circle, personal experiences and share them with each other. This will help maintain the spark in your relationship and rekindle the passion.
Personal experience: real stories
How to keep sex in the family and save relationships
“Believe it or not, we both decided to have sex in public. Every time we go on vacation. Yes, it”s like a tradition. The location doesn”t matter — even a swimming pool in Bali, even a forest in one of the American states.”
- Remove witness.
“Whenever we wanted to just spend time with each other, we”d go for walks with the kids or to the shops. It”s really hard to have sex when kids are running around the house because they”re not very good at sex, they”re very small and they”re not very good at having sex with each other. And now that they”re all grown up and spend a lot of time outside the house, we have even more opportunities to have fun!”
- Change of scenery.
We”ve been married for eight years. At first it was great when we had the whole house to ourselves and could have sex anywhere. But over time, we still felt that the intensity of our passion was decreasing. It became tiresome.
Then my husband decided to arrange a date for me and rented a room in a fashionable hotel outside the city. There were rose petals and champagne on the bed! Oh, what a great night! From time to time we spoil each other with such surprises. There”s never a dull moment!”
- Peace agreement.
Every time we fight, we agree to have sex that same night. Even when we”re angry at each other, letting off some steam in the bedroom can be a great idea. We have come to terms with this. Of course, communication helps.”
“We decided to buy the Kama Sutra, and it was a very profitable investment in our intimate life. We also started doing yoga together. This helped us learn more poses.
“You can”t be too old for beautiful lingerie. If you think differently, you can actually grow old. Feel like you”re over 20 again. Surprise each other with sexy outfits and decorate the bedroom with scented candles. It always works.”
- Communication is power!
I give you some good old advice: learn to talk to each other. I always tell my wife what I like and what I don”t. Both in the bedroom and outside it. Once we became more honest with each other, our sex got better. Communication is vital!”
