How to stop worrying before sex?
What we call sexual insecurity affects both men and women. This can start from anything — from unreasonable fears of intimacy (fear of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases) to psychological reasons (dissatisfaction with oneself or criticism of one”s abilities).
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Any of these worries can trigger the release of stress hormones. This affects arousal and sexual activity itself. This further increases the excitement, and the unhappy person ends up in a vicious circle.
How can you break this circle?
Advice for men
Remember that it is normal to be naturally aroused before having sex with a new partner for the first time. But don”t let these feelings make you panic. And if even the thought of future intimacy is accompanied by anxiety, you urgently need to work on yourself.
- Take care of yourself.
Your body is unique. And you need to take care of yourself if you want to be confident in your sexual power. Eat right, don”t neglect healthy sleep and always add physical activity. Then health and confidence will be guaranteed to you.
The functioning of the body and brain is greatly affected by alcohol and other harmful substances. Avoid them, and any lingering anxiety will go away.
If you have erectile dysfunction, it may be due to poor circulation. Follow a diet that strengthens blood vessels, and everything will be fine.
- Don”t be too hard on yourself.
Putting too much pressure on yourself won”t help. If you”re afraid that you won”t be able to meet your partner”s needs, you need to reframe your thinking.
Men are used to competing in life. But sex is not a competition. Focusing on so-called “winning” will only increase stress. Focus on feeling good together and having fun.
Don”t judge yourself. Your self-worth shouldn”t be based on how you have sex. You are an independent person with many positive qualities, and one of your “talents” should not define your character.
- Improve your emotional state.
We often get upset because we don”t know how we feel. We are afraid of saying the wrong thing or distorting our feelings. You can still work on it.
Start by explaining your feelings. Write a letter that will help structure your thoughts. This message doesn”t have to be perfect. The main goal is to evoke your feelings.
If you need to say something to someone, rehearse it in advance. Imagine that you are meeting and talking in a relaxed atmosphere. And you don”t have to describe your feelings in a few words. Just leave everything as it is.
Advice for women
A warm, relaxing bath, a haircut or a glass of wine can help you unwind and tone up, but if your anxiety is chronic, you don”t always have that option. Therefore, you should look at the problem in more detail.
Your main goal is to feel comfortable and safe during sexual intercourse. Yes, security issues are a joint responsibility of the partners. But for your own peace of mind, you should take care of this yourself.
Read also: How to Stop Worrying and Start Having Sex in Quarantine
According to one study conducted by the Kinsey Institute in Indiana, 24% of married respondents reported having more sex.
Alcohol and drugs are best avoided because you have to control your body. Make sure you know the person you are going on a date with well. It is also advisable to have at least someone know your whereabouts when you go on a date.
Always carry birth control with you. Even if your partner is not ready, prepare yourself. This will give you peace of mind.
- Don”t compare yourself to others.
Your sexual experience is just that, your experience. And you don’t need to think about what your partner will be like in bed, much less compete with him. There is also no need to distort your thoughts about what kind of women he had before you.
If you”ve started talking to someone you like but not enough to have sex with yet, and the person is moving quickly in that direction so you can maintain your boundaries. Feel free to tell your partner that you are not ready yet and suggest that he wait or start dating someone else.
- Assert your right to refuse.
Sex should only occur with the consent of both parties. Any other interaction is tantamount to violence. You can stop having sex at any time if you have problems. Always remember that “no” should mean “no” and “stop” should mean “stop”.
Always trust your intuition. When in doubt, don”t be afraid to change your plans. Don”t feel guilty if you cancel a date. You must trust this person completely. This will make any decision easier.
General Tips
There are also some general tips that apply to both men and women to help relieve anxiety.
How can a man relax during first sex?
- Face your fears.
Understand what you”re afraid of and challenge it. When it comes to sex, it”s important to understand what makes you nervous. Identifying these fears will help you find solutions to get rid of them.
Sit down and make a list of what you are afraid of. Offer options on how to eradicate these fears. Solutions can be the most non-standard. From simulating the situation in your head to watching romantic films.
- Study human physiology.
Not only about the opposite sex, but also about yourself. The structure of the genitals and characteristics of the genital organs are studied. It would also be a good idea to understand the mechanisms of female and male orgasm. Practical study of your own body is also useful. If you know how to please yourself, you will have no problems with your partner.
- Plan your actions.
Understand what you are afraid of. For example, you are afraid to even invite people on dates because you are afraid of sex. However, nothing will happen if you just talk about it. So start there.
Talking isn”t the only way to have sex. In addition, by creating an action plan, you will feel more confident in your abilities. And step by step you will get closer to your goal.
- Practice more.
Unfortunately, if you don”t have sex, you won”t get the experience. And you have to go through this process to overcome your fears. It is important to know how to please yourself. By learning more about your body, you will be able to guide your partner more easily.
You also need to make sure that as a direct second party, you experiment with everything. Or discuss it with your partner in advance, maybe he will like it.
- Be open to feelings.
Sex is, first of all, an emotional experience and experience. So don”t be shy about opening up to your partner. If you feel uncomfortable or offended, please let us know. Don”t rush into sexual activity if you”re not ready yet.
- Don”t forget to have fun.
Having sex should bring you physical and emotional pleasure. Relax and forget about worries. Focus on feelings of fun and pleasure.
If you and your partner add a little fun, laugh at yourself, or play, you will both feel calm and free.
Temporary measures are not very effective, since the arousal lies deep in the subconscious. Work on yourself and your sexual well-being.
