How to tell your partner about your sexual fantasies?
If the thought of sharing your sexual fantasies makes you blush and feel embarrassed, welcome to the club! Either way, talking openly about sex with your partner can be arousing.
Contents of the article:
- Fantasies don”t make you weird
- Find out for what purpose you would like to share your fantasy
- Make it clear that there is no pressure to try
- Be prepared for both positive and negative reactions
- What to do if your sexual fantasy is somehow forbidden
- If you are not sure, contact a sex therapist or specialist
- Show compassion to yourself and your partner
Expressing sexual fantasies can be more offensive, especially if you consider those fantasies taboo. It”s normal to worry that your thoughts and desires may not match your partner”s preferences.
Admitting your sexual preferences to yourself, much less expressing them out loud to someone else, can be very scary. However, it is very important to talk to your partner about your sexual desires. This is certainly easier said than done, isn”t it? We have prepared several recommendations that will help you relax and approach the topic of sexual fantasies easily and naturally.
Fantasies don”t make you weird
Fantasies are not inherently frightening. This is a natural expression of sexuality. Kimberly Atwood, professional counselor and certified sex therapist, says, “At the end of the day, sex always starts in the head.
Having sexual fantasies doesn”t mean there”s something wrong with you. There is no limit to people”s unspoken desires: from “I dream of a threesome with my wife”s best friend” to “I don”t mind being tied up during sex.” By the way, some of the most common fantasies that sexologists hear from patients are related to group sex and BDSM.
Think of fantasies as a way of expressing unconscious needs and uncontrollable desires, like dreams, says sex therapist Dr. Christy Overstreet.
Find out for what purpose you would like to share your fantasy
Thinking about certain sexual situations doesn”t necessarily mean you want them to actually happen. You might fantasize about a threesome, but know that seeing your partner having sex with another person would drive you crazy. Or perhaps you watch hardcore bondage porn, and it drives you crazy, but the thought of actually being tied up makes you panic.
So, it”s important to know why you want to share your fantasies with your partner before moving forward. Perhaps you want your partner to get to know you on a more intimate level? Or maybe you just want to see how they respond to your fantasies as foreplay?
Before you talk about it, you need to make a decision. Discussing such frank issues can foster intimacy and harmony in your relationship. Or, at the very least, it will help you better understand yourself and your desires. Make it clear there”s no pressure to try something new.
Now you”re ready to tell your partner what turns you on. Be bold! It”s important to emphasize that even if you”re interested in trying a particular fantasy, don”t pressure your partner to act on it right away. Otherwise, your partner may feel obligated and forced to do something they don”t want to.
Ask them how they feel about what you shared earlier. It”s okay if they”re not ready to give an immediate answer or if their answer differs significantly from your initial one. In some cases, you may discover that your erotic fantasies completely match your partner”s. And that”s a real jackpot!
Be prepared for both positive and negative reactions.
Be prepared for both positive and negative reactions
You have the right to think whatever you want during sex or masturbation, but your partner isn”t obligated to act out fantasies that don”t suit her. To do this, be prepared for any possible reactions.
What to do if a sexual fantasy is somehow taboo
This and the following sections discuss topics related to sexual coercion and consent. If this information is not acceptable, skip to the last section.
What to do if your sexual fantasy is somehow forbidden
Regardless of the specific fantasy, they may be conflicted or upset by their own ideas if they seem strange, to say the least. And yet, for some reason, most sexual and erotic material tends to be very “vanilla.”
To illustrate how complex forbidden fantasies can be, it”s worth discussing rape fantasies. For many people, even seeing these words in the same sentence is unacceptable. And they can be understood.
However, rape fantasies are much more common than many people think. In a 2009 survey on sexual preferences, 62% of 355 women aged 18 and older said they had fantasized about being raped at least once. The only important thing to know about these fantasies is that they usually do not involve non-consensual sexual activity.
There are many reasons why a person might have such a fantasy. This can be caused by a desire to surrender or dominate. There is no need to hurt someone without their consent or to be hurt without their consent. Sexologist Mel Harrison, MD, said: “One person may have rape fantasies because they need to be relieved of all responsibility.
Harrison argues that this exchange of power may be a trait of a person who always puts the needs of others first.
Of course, before we move from words to action, it is necessary to clearly define that no action will be taken without the explicit consent of all participants. You must be sure that your partner fully agrees to such experiments and understands all the risks. However, even if you know that sexual fantasies are just a dream, thinking about them can be very scary.
If you”re not sure, see a sex therapist or mental health professional
Is there a line between the taboo fantasies you “do” and the ones that should be discussed with an expert? Most experts believe that as long as you don”t hurt (or don”t intend to hurt) anyone in real life, you”re fine. There is a fine line between fantasy and acting on fantasy. If there is a strong desire to carry out a plan and it could pose a real threat to your partner, this is a sign that you need to talk to someone about it.
Most people at some point develop illicit fantasies, which in and of themselves are not necessarily a cause for concern.
However, if you”re nervous and can”t wait for this to happen, it”s worth consulting with an expert in the field. Another wake-up call is if you find yourself frightened by your thoughts even though you know you have no intention of making them a reality.
Don”t worry, you can talk to your doctor about this. Your doctor should keep your conversation confidential. The code of ethics that mental health professionals must follow means that no matter what you say, you do not leave the clinic. The only exception to this is if there is an immediate threat of physical harm to yourself or someone else.
Show compassion to yourself and your partner
Being a good sexual partner means trying to understand the needs, desires and feelings of those close to you. Even if you know what your partner is agreeing to, open and honest conversations can bring you closer and increase your respect for each other. A loving person will appreciate your efforts to share your sincere desires.
Show compassion to yourself and your partner
Tell your partner your sexual fantasies
