Pay off a debt, make peace and other reasons to have sex
There are dozens, if not hundreds, of reasons why people have sex. It is completely wrong to think that physical intimacy is only for pleasure or to conceive a child. For some it is an opportunity to have fun, for others it is an opportunity to exercise power. Others do it to relieve boredom.
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American sexologist Isadora Alman helps clients and readers eliminate these reasons. In my practice, I often encounter this problem. My clients and students often ask a seemingly common question — generally, why should a person have sexual relations? Of course, as a rule, this need is not the main one. According to those who ask me, it is quite possible to do without sex.
“Cost Reimbursement” Tool
Another common motive for having sex is purely psychological. For example, in many cases sex is a kind of way of “rewarding” people. For example, a man gives a girl a ride home. He then invites her to dinner at a restaurant. Naturally, after these actions, our heroine already feels obligated to somehow compensate for the financial, time and emotional investments made by the other party.
Sex as a way to reconcile
Armand continues: “There are many psychological reasons for using sex. One of them is the possibility of reconciliation after a quarrel. For example, spouses have had a big quarrel and do not want to talk to each other. Of course, silence is always uncomfortable and painful. In this case, contact can be restored through physical communication. Often touching turns into sex, during which existing complaints disappear. Please note, however, that this method does not work with all couples. Sometimes sex alone is not enough to get rid of negative feelings. On the contrary, such “People first want a frank, heartfelt conversation and an apology. Then they consider sex.”
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Opportunity to receive care and attention
“Often, behind the excessive desire for sex, there is a desire to get more attention from a partner on a psycho-emotional level. Partners can confuse two different elements of a good relationship. These are physical and mental contact. And also sexual embrace. However, when confusion begins, it does not end well. For example, if one partner wants sex only to attract attention, the second partner will never know his true needs. He remains like that for the rest of his days, living in the illusion that his beloved needs sex.
It is important for partners who want to have a good relationship to learn to communicate their desires to each other. However, it is not always necessary to do this directly through words. Kissing a believer on the cheek is one way to do this. Initiating a warmer hug is another option. In both cases, it won”t be difficult for the other partner to read the signals you really need.
To relieve stress
In conclusion, Armand mentions such important aspects of physical intimacy as relieving mental stress. “After sexual intercourse, the body produces prolactin, a hormone responsible for calmness and sound sleep. For this reason, after good sex, you may want to sleep soundly. Physical intimacy is also an excellent way to strengthen the immune system. Studies have shown that sexually active people produce more beneficial antibodies.”
