There is only one thing that will help you have a better sex experience.
How can you improve your sexual experience? What are the main factors in this regard? Different sexual partners? Their number? Or the regularity of physical intimacy? However, it is known that sooner or later casual sexual relationships lead to boredom and indifference — you want something new, but nothing impressive.
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And this is not to mention the various risks such as unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. And for many people, having sex regularly doesn”t mean the experience is any better. Intimacy is boring, and it”s unclear what can make it interesting and exciting again.
It turns out that the key to comfortable sex is trust. Sexologists believe that open relationships and physical intimacy are primarily related, but are not always mutually determining. An example in this regard is the modern culture of communication, in which gender is often separated from feelings of trust, acceptance and caring.
Barbara Bartlik, a sexologist from New York, believes that all this depends to a lesser extent on both the psyche and satisfaction with the intimate sphere. “In today”s culture, many people experience trauma, disappointment in others, and intense feelings of rejection. What good is that?”
How to achieve emotional intimacy and make sex better
In her interview, Barbara also gives three useful tips that can significantly improve the quality of your emotional connection with your partner and, therefore, allow you to enjoy more physical intimacy with him.
- Talk about sex. When you are accepted and valued, it is easier for you to talk about your secret fantasies. I am all for talking about sex. I think we should behave like in the movies: a glass of wine and soon into bed. But in the real world, good conversation precedes good sex. For many people, talking about intimacy can be problematic. Remember: the end result is worth overcoming the limitations. If you feel that there are too many internal barriers that are not open to your partner, do not ignore help. Visit a psychologist or sexologist.”
- Don”t be afraid to take risks. Barbara rightly believes that in relationships where risk is unavoidable, this game will hold a candle. If you trust the other person, you”re willing to take risks and reveal your “vulnerabilities.” But in a healthy love relationship, this should lead to mutual acceptance and strengthened intimacy. If your partner trusts you, they won”t be afraid to open up in your presence. If you”re not accepted, but rejected, you should consider: “Am I really with the right person?”
- Be honest. Once an emotional connection is established between partners, each of them can be unafraid to be themselves,” comments Barbara. Our 2014 survey showed that people with a more open attitude toward sexuality are more able to explore their desires and share them without guilt. And this makes sex more enjoyable.
How long can a man go without sex?
Read also: Virtual sex: is there really anything better than regular sex?
Not long ago, virtual sex seemed exotic and incomprehensible, but today it”s commonplace and familiar to countless people. Virtual sex is ideal.
How to achieve intimacy
Many of us find it awkward to express our needs out loud. In fact, it makes people especially vulnerable. And, of course, not all men and not all women can have intimate relationships.
Assuming your partner is close enough to build such a relationship with, the following recommendations from a sexologist may help.
- Caution: In both everyday conversations and during intimacy, avoid distractions and focus on your feelings. People often suppress their feelings. And how can you convey this to your partner if you don”t know how you feel? Barbara says:
- “Know yourself. Know what”s important to you sexually. Only then will it become clear what you should be looking for.”
- Change your beliefs. “He finds my sexual fantasies funny,” “She laughs at my penis”—such thoughts are unlikely to help you open up to your partner. Acknowledge these negative beliefs and replace them with more constructive ones.
Barbara also emphasizes the importance of partners staying in constant contact. If you need to temporarily step away, keep in touch via cell phone or Skype. This helps reduce anxiety and maintain your partner”s presence—and therefore trust—in your life.
