What is BDSM in a nutshell. For those who care
Fans of the book series “50 Shades of Gray” or its film adaptation, as well as people who love experiments and are open to everything new in sex, have probably heard the abbreviation BDSM more than once. But who knows what BDSM is and what it means? What is BDSM? Let”s look into this.
The database hides the words bondage and discipline and describes the external signs and features of this trend in the topic of sex. DS stands for Dominance and Submission and includes everything related to submission and dominance. It is worth clarifying that this can only happen if both parties agree. Rape is not a BDSM practice unless, of course, it is role play.
Sado”s masochism is hidden under CM”s character combination. In other words, he enjoys the feeling of fighting. In some cases, when BDSM is practiced, there is no sex involved. In some cases, it is enough for the partner to get used to the role and just enjoy the process. Again, some people primarily find mental and emotional pleasure rather than physical pleasure.
Returning to the “50 Shades of Gray” series of books, it should be noted that there is only light BDSM and some techniques, but in general the ideas of this trend in sex are conveyed correctly. Many BDSM professionals consider the version presented in this series to be vanilla, but it is very suitable for those new to the business.
Rules and features of BDSM
The most important and least broken rule of this practice is discussion. Especially if this partner is new to BDSM. You need to discuss what is going on, how things are used, what is acceptable and unacceptable, and whether there is sex. If one of the lovers does not agree with some behavior or use of things, the other partner cannot get his way.
If a man and woman have agreed only on bondage and no extras, the dominant party will not submit and will not be able to use even the most harmless and painless whip. They must also agree to continuity. BDSM is not always sexually arousing. Lovers can only strive for emotional pleasure.
The core concept was BDSM submission. Thus, roles are divided into dominants, who dominate and control the process, but again, prior consent is required, and submissives, who follow their own will. Also called “up and down.” The normal mental health of both partners is crucial to ensuring the process doesn”t spiral out of control.
The entire process is controlled by the dominant, but the submissive also has their own prerogatives: they can pause the dominant or reverse the process by declaring they are in danger. To do this, the partner must come up with a safe word—preferably two: the first for when the action is completely unacceptable and must be stopped, and the second for when things are approaching a “dangerous” point. And it”s best to avoid this.
You need to discuss which words to use at any given moment. It”s best to be light on safe words so they don”t slip out of your mind at the right moment. Both participants have equal rights to these words. If the dominant confirms that the game has gone too far, they can withdraw, and the submissive must submit.
Before using any object or technique in BDSM, partners should learn as much as possible about it. This includes any injuries or sensations that the element may cause. It”s important to thoroughly research how to use the chosen element correctly to avoid injuring the partner.
During BDSM, the dominant may use ridicule and name-calling toward the submissive, or engage in actions that disrespect the submissive. Partners must be able to clearly distinguish between BDSM and everyday life. Partners must be able to switch immediately and treat each other as equals in life. Otherwise, family relationships, in particular, will not work.
Furthermore, the main goal of BDSM is to achieve maximum pleasure. Therefore, in the bedroom, people can be slaves or tyrants, but in life, they must be equal partners.
The dominant must always maintain a golden ratio between humiliation and the desire to please. In other words, the top should always be sensitive to the bottom”s mood and, at the same time, provide hugs, kisses, and care and affection. Failure to do so or to provide something can lead to low self-esteem and certain mental health issues.
BDSM should be practiced only with a clear mind. No matter how much you trust your significant other, you should not experiment in this area under the influence of alcohol or drugs. This can lead to severe, irreversible consequences, especially with regard to strangulation and restraint, as well as various forms of corporal punishment.
A dominant person constantly needs a clear head to explain all their actions and to be able to stop at any time. Yes, the subordinate must have a sound mind and a clear memory. Therefore, they should be dispassionate and not ask questions from above about nonsense that can harm their health.
Trust and voluntary consent are the basis of BDSM. People practicing this type of sex must know each other well and trust each other unconditionally. This practice requires good stamina and good self-control to be able to stop and stop at any time. Partners must also be familiar with each other”s physical and psychological characteristics and understand each other perfectly.
It is recommended not to take any photographs or record any videos during BDSM, so as not to aggravate the situation or arouse suspicion in the future. A dominant should always think with his head before doing anything to a submissive. Passion should not dictate his actions, but he should think calmly so as not to offend his partner.
It would be a good idea to undergo a medical examination at a clinic before engaging in BDSM. Any physical or mental injuries must also be reported to your partner. Allergies to substances or products, sensitive skin, old knee or elbow injuries, fear of the dark — your partner should know everything about you so that BDSM does not end in an ambulance call.
Main directions, varieties and devices
BDSM has a set of trends so that everyone can find something that suits them, or at least elements that don”t require them to be dominant or submissive. The following areas and types are available:
- Role-playing games for medical workers. However, BDSM is very different from classic role-playing games. This means that in addition to dressing up and acting, partners use medical equipment for a complete erotic examination.
- Awakening animals. The most popular are dogs and cats, whose obedient, sometimes even gagged, faces are often fitted with string collars. For example, you can try anal plugs using the fluffy tails of foxes and squirrels.
- Rape. Many couples practice role-playing rape, but even adding some trauma to BDSM can add intimacy and rough handling. This includes whipping or clamping.
- Disabling one of the senses. In most cases, the partner is blindfolded or their ears are completely covered. This helps them better focus on the sensations they are receiving and perceive them more acutely.
- Flame. Some masters and submissives desire more passionate or intense sensations, so, of course, instead of fire, they use a real bonfire made from matches or a lighter. The flame is passed directly over the body or, using a candle, hot wax is dripped onto more sensitive areas of skin, such as the breasts, stomach, and buttocks. BDSM newbies don”t immediately resort to such extremes.
- Thrills. Literally, some couples use sharp objects like needles or knives in BDSM, leaving actual punctures or shallow cuts on the body. Objects used for such purposes should always be disinfected. Even for a beginner, this is inappropriate and can often induce fear in their partner.
- Suffocation. This “optional” BDSM technique allows for a more intense orgasm and allows for its survival due to a lack of oxygen in the body. The main thing is for the dominant not to overdo it and not to stifle their baser passions for the sake of attraction. This is especially dangerous when using a simple rope or collar for suffocation. It”s safer to apply pressure to the submissive”s neck with your hand, but avoid leaving marks or even injuries.
- Bastinado. In this technique, the dominant focuses all of his attention on the leg, which is fixed in front of the lower part. Armed with a whip or a special stick, the dominant “loves” the submissive”s foot with blows, and people with particularly sensitive feet practice this technique.
- Flagellation. The dominant spanks the partner on the most sensitive parts of the body: breasts, buttocks, stomach, thighs, and may also hit the genitals. At such moments, strength is measured without causing harm to the partner, and the dominant must always have a clear head. Learn more about what a ball bust is and how to use it. Read the links correctly.
These are the most common BDSM techniques and are usually combined as neither is possible. As you can see, some of them are simpler and can even be considered elements of classic sex, and many couples practice them in their intimate lives. However, not all BDSM experiences are resolved, and there are techniques that can cause serious harm to health.
Some methods are unacceptable to many and are known as “golden showers”. This is not showering a partner with golden gifts, but a conscious permission to urinate on his body, or vice versa. Everyone has their own associations, but some explain that it helps overcome disgust. It also expresses complete trust and sincerity of the highest emotions.
What devices are used in BDSM? In fact, it all depends on the partner’s imagination, but the most popular are handcuffs, ropes, whips, anal and vaginal plugs. Some couples practice double penetration using various vibrators. More advanced BDSmars have a variety of blocking or improvised stances in their arsenal. For thrill-seekers, intimate stores offer a large selection of nipples and genitals.
Floggers and basket makers also require special sticks or brows made of genuine leather. Some couples practice vaginal balling before sex. As a rule, a girl walks for a certain amount of time in order to get properly aroused. Such balls help women”s health, train the vaginal muscles and always remain in good condition.
In addition, it is better not to skimp on accessories for intimacy, so that later you do not have to spend money on allergy medications. Accessories made from high-quality materials are more comfortable for the body, provide more pleasure than low-quality fakes, and will last much longer if properly stored and used.
Is BDSM a mental disorder or an experiment with pleasure?
Whether BDSM is a deviation from the spirit or a new sexual vision, everyone decides for themselves. There is no point in convincing yourself that this or that person has his own ideas, but you cannot judge what you do not know. Therefore, before drawing any conclusions, it is necessary to carefully study the practice of BDSM.
It is also important to differentiate between BDSM and hardcore maosochism. Sadomasochism can indeed be considered a mental deviation. If people enjoy inflicting pain and get pleasure from it, that”s a serious problem. On the other hand, everything happens by mutual consent and does not affect the public.
If a person wants to get sexual satisfaction and please his partner, everyone makes their own choice. There is nothing wrong with this, but it is worth considering whether there is a desire to inflict pain and gain pleasure in the first place. This is something worth thinking about.
Evgeny Chebatkov “Leave the room” | OUTSIDE STAND UP
BDSM techniques and practices are aimed at obtaining exciting and illusory erotic pleasure through something new and possibly forbidden. Playing with the contrast between erotic love and mild pain can open up new aspects of pleasure for both partners. This game brings success and you should always start small as it does not add discomfort, injury or pain.
To begin with, if both partners are happy, it is better to add some elements to regular sex, handcuffs or dazzling games. The main thing is to discuss everything with your partner. Back and forth, what I want, what is expected, what happened, what I want to repeat, what needs to be fixed. To reject him.
BDSM is suitable for people with a stable psyche who honestly and openly recognize their partner, even with all his desires and the strangest “cockroaches”. The partner must also calmly assess the latter’s competence, his emotional and mental state.
Don”t go against your sexual partner”s wishes. Otherwise, BDSM, which is aimed at receiving and giving pleasure, will turn into bullying and violence, which is certainly a deviation from the spirit. BDSM has nothing to do with violence or abuse, which is not enjoyable. It is important to understand these differences. If your partner forces you, or you force him, this is already violence against that person.
Is it worth trying or not?
“You should try everything in life” is a common phrase that often pushes people to strange and ill-considered actions. BDSM, when used correctly and with desire, is an act of pleasure. But decisions must be made carefully and with knowledge. To learn as much as possible about BDSM, read reviews from seasoned BDSM players online.
You can also connect with them on forums and ask for advice on where to start and how to prepare. Watch videos about similar practices. Always discuss this idea with your partner. Instead of forcing, encourage them to try something new and see it from a different perspective.
If the passion in your relationship is waning, it”s worth giving BDSM a try. Again, you don”t necessarily have to gradually dive in headfirst and occasionally try new techniques yourself. If you”re looking for new thrills, that”s another option. Discuss this with your partner and convince them that your relationship needs this change. Furthermore, if you and your partner or your relationship are in need of emotional release, BDSM can be an interesting and beneficial experiment. You don”t have to practice these elements specifically, even if the thought of kneeling before your lover or giving in and standing up sickens you. BDSM offers a wide range of techniques and practices, some of which are suitable for all couples.
Who is definitely contraindicated from BDSM? For those with a damaged psyche, such experiments can only cause harm and worsen the situation. It is also recommended to postpone this type of sex until a better time if you have recently experienced a trauma.
If you have panic phobia or experience panic attacks when blindfolded or having your mouth covered, you should discuss this with your partner to avoid causing psychological trauma and avoid eliminating or tabooing certain elements. “Top-bottom” relationships are contraindicated for partners who lack respect and mutual understanding. Otherwise, such a relationship could spill over from the bedroom into real life, potentially destroying an already fragile relationship. Moreover, one partner will likely continue to suffer delusions of grandeur, while the other will suffer low self-esteem and psychological trauma. Don”t allow your partner to assert themselves by humiliating them through BDSM.
Otherwise, those who want to try BDSM can find something that suits them in this direction. There is absolutely no reason to be afraid. Many people confuse BDSM with kink. Therefore, many people have insurmountable barriers due to misunderstanding.
It is important to understand that in BDSM nothing is done against the will or desire. If you want to try something new and you don”t like it, you can always stop. Therefore, you need to try something at least once and not regret it later.
Returning to the book “50 Shades of Gray”, those who read them can say that he himself set the framework that allows him to do nothing against his will and to his own detriment. It is also worth noting that in the books in this series, BDSM is presented in a lighter version, despite the fact that the main character had an entire room dedicated to physical pleasures.
Everything was in a softer form, the girl herself chose what she agreed with and what she didn’t, what she could do and what was completely unacceptable. Bondage, whips, gags and some traditions about the rules and relationships between a dominant and a submissive were shown. This lighter form of BDSM, alternating with traditional sex, is suitable for beginner couples.
Bi-2 — I don”t trust anyone (2022)
What is BDSM?
