Is flirting considered cheating? Psychologist answers a question
Some people cannot imagine their life without compliments. And for others, a smile addressed to a stranger infuriates them. Should flirting be considered cheating? The answer to this question is not so simple.
Contents of the article:
What is flirting?
In general, flirting is considered a kind of courtship, which indirectly implies the possibility of some kind of relationship between people. However, please do not point this out openly. Our ancestors did not want to become the object of ridicule or even an invitation to a duel. So they learned to use yes or no cues. After all, if a person winks, there is always the possibility of claiming that a fly has flown into his eye.
Why do some people like to flirt?
Let’s go deeper into the story. Flirting is an implicit hope. It implied a certain statement: “you look attractive in my eyes,” “whatever you have now, it could be better.” At the end of the day, everyone wants to believe that they are loved and accepted. Imagine the cost of such optimism.
In addition, halftones teach us to understand people close to us by their nonverbal signs. This helps a lot during business meetings and negotiations. And it teaches you how to influence people.
Most women and men need regular flirting. After the negativity directed at you by your lover or loved one, you want to prove to yourself that you are not so bad. You know how to please and impress.
Moreover, unconsciously you are already in “conspiracy” with others. Therefore, even in difficult situations, you are no longer alone. There will be potential support nearby.
I am sharing a story from personal experience. I have worked with government organizations for a long time. People have been working there for many years, if not decades. Teams with very good performance and a good microclimate. I watched how communication between employees took place there. Total light flirting.
Exhausted by life, such women and men brought with them a list of wounds, and… They left it all behind the door of their favorite job. And inside there is an aura of compliments and halftones. Eyes sparkle, jokes, jokes, everything is in full swing, and the indicators are already creeping up to the unattainable.
Yes, everything is fine,” the 50-year-old accountant flirtatiously combs his hair, and the younger accountant nods affirmatively. He finds this unexpected and, bewildered, declares that everything is fine.
In general, in our society, small signs of caution are accepted (and even encouraged). However, in practice this often means nothing other than the desire to live in harmony with others.
Read also: Are you unlucky in love? A psychologist talks about the reasons
the heart breaks into pieces again, and another relationship ends forever. Are you ready to believe in the evil eye, damage and generational curses, because…
When does it become clear that flirting does not imply cheating?
- It only energizes when the interaction is accepted by the team.
- When a person flirts “out of politeness” or with someone he doesn’t like in advance.
- When a person keeps his distance while flirting (does not look for tactile contact);
- When a person does not try to leave contact information or data.
What is even considered treason?
Another tricky question: what actually counts as cheating? The very concept of flirting implies the absence of such direct sexual contact. However, during flirting, very close, friendly and emotionally rich relationships can be established. It looks like a completely short person is starting to play an important role in your life. Although in the status of a friend/girlfriend. Hence the question: do you believe in emotional betrayal? After all, many happy spouses say that at first they were just friends.
When can flirting be considered betrayal, and when can it become treason?
- When it takes time away from real relationships, it takes away too much of a person’s personal time.
- When a person begins to ignore real relationships for the sake of the opportunity to flirt;
- When constant flirting concerns a specific person.
- Until you agree to it.
- When a person tries to establish close contact with another person while flirting (hugs, touches, corrects something).
- When SMS or other messages begin to become overtly intimate.
One client said that her boyfriend was flirting heavily with a new colleague. She dealt with it calmly until a certain time. When he began to prefer to stay in the office, I decided to talk to this man. She also noticed that the young man was trying to approach her new colleague. And although the man did not have an intimate relationship with his new colleague, this behavior of her lover meant betrayal. At least she considered herself ready for this. She herself considered herself in this situation a proven alternate airfield, “going nowhere, but slightly fueled.”
Another client shared his experience. His girlfriend also worked with him at the front desk, where she was “a bit of a pain in the ass” and “a bit of a pain in the ass.” And when she allowed herself a slight flirtation with a regular client, he felt that it was gratitude for her cooperation. However, he equated her behavior to treason.
- I started assigning one client.
- Constantly sending him additional messages and newsletters.
- I changed the way she dressed a little because of his comments.
- I changed my style of behavior in communicating with him, and
- I didn’t go on shift to suggest it (without any financial gain and without jeopardizing our plans together), and
- I didn’t care that it would hurt him.
To him, this was an indicator that he was not that important to her. In other words, physical cheating is no longer out of the question.
Sometimes people can be offended even by SMS flirting. In the end, this turns into a continuous process that replaces communication with real partners.
What conclusion can be drawn?
The concept of acceptable boundaries in any relationship – good – evil, delicious – tasty, beautiful – ugly, is very personal. Therefore, the perception of flirting is very different.
When couples are in the formative stage of a relationship, they are not entirely sure of each other, lack self-confidence and often mate. Flirting with other members of the opposite sex is perceived as cheating.
Older people are more or less self-confident. The more he trusts his partner, the less sensitive he is to flirting. He considers it more of a compliment: “Hey, darling, you’re still doing really well!”
Therefore, you should discuss all your feelings with your partner so that a fleeting glance at your neighbor does not become a reason for confrontation. If your girlfriend is uncomfortable seeing you courting your childhood friend. Or consider whether your boyfriend gets carried away when you flirt with your boss. Perhaps you need to evaluate how comfortable you would be if you behaved more modestly or, conversely, if your partner continued to pressure you?
In any case, remember that flirting is just a hint, a game. If the chosen one allows obvious tactile contact (hot hugs, passionate kisses, etc.) or answers of an overtly sexual nature, this should not be called flirting. I recall a statement by an employee of one of the state-owned companies, to which I have already referred.
