Is it possible to forget and forgive a husband or wife”s infidelity?
Many people think of love as a feeling of boundless happiness, tenderness, warmth, and serene sunlight. The touch of hands, lips, and bodies, eye contact, and complete immersion in each other. Yes, that”s exactly how it works. Until a certain time.
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When something suddenly breaks, and happiness is replaced by a dark cloud of resentment and disappointment. One of the main factors capable of destroying even the strongest emotions is the betrayal of a loved one. Is it possible to forgive the betrayal of a loved one, forget it, and never remember it again?
Resentment is an integral part of love
Love and forgiveness are inseparable concepts and have always been closely linked in life. Of course, resentment comes in different forms. If one partner forgets an event or doesn”t buy the sweets promised at the supermarket, the intense “sadness” that follows such an act can be shown to the loved one by pouting. Naturally, forgiveness for such a minor offense follows almost immediately. Perhaps, to atone for their guilt, one half should give a gift for a holiday or buy sweets.
However, unfortunately, in the lives of lovers, there are many false situations when sweets and congratulations are not enough. Indeed, it”s not even clear whether such crimes as betrayal can be atoned for. After all, the most difficult thing to forgive is the betrayal of a loved one. Many couples fail to do this, and infidelity inevitably ends in separation and divorce.
What happens after betrayal? There are two scenarios here.
- Forgive and forget—this inevitably leaves a bitter taste in the soul and a fear of rebellion.
- Save the relationship—learn what happened and, based on that, improve the relationship.
Choosing your own path forward requires a thorough understanding of the underlying causes of the betrayal.
Verdict: Both are to blame
Before asking whether betrayal can be forgiven, it is necessary to understand the reasons for such behavior. Love is a world of intimacy between two people. And the main feature here is that they are equally responsible for everything that happens between them. Together and equally, and this is not discussed. It cannot be said that they say that I am so good (good), but they simply do not appreciate me and do not notice me. This doesn”t happen! Where they didn’t finish reading, where they didn’t hear the end, where they didn’t hug me, where they just don’t want to listen. Both are always to blame, never one or the other.
Relationships in which there is no room for infidelity
Most family sailboats that encounter an iceberg of betrayal in the sea of family life go down. Some sink quickly, others, like the legendary Titanic, continue to endure, batten down the hatches and try to send a distress signal. But in any case, when you are faced with betrayal, the first question you should ask yourself is “Why?” a question you should ask yourself.
The infidelity that causes divorce never happens on its own. It is simply the result of a particular event or behavior. When the relationship is perfect, there can be no question of cheating. As a rule, the concept of “ideal” does not quite fit the definition of a partnership or marital relationship. This happens because nothing in our world is perfect, including relationships.
We are talking about something close to an ideal relationship — a relationship in which there is not only love, but also other components of the relationship. And here not only is love generously seasoned with sex, but many other components must also already be present.
- Mutual respect
- Mutual aid
- Willingness to listen and support at any time of the day, regardless of your own problems
- Self-feeding
- Empathy
- Willingness to give in
- Ability to engage in dialogue and discuss emerging issues
This is not a complete list of all the components of a real strong relationship. Neither partner can simply entertain the idea of cheating in such a relationship.
Infidelity is not a cause, but a consequence
According to the world”s leading psychologists, the fact of betrayal is only confirmation that the relationship cracked much earlier and the partners simply could not or did not want to pay attention to the crisis moment. The point at which there was an opportunity to fix everything and prevent betrayal.
It”s precisely this crisis, which the partner ignores, that brings to the surface the betrayal of a loved one—infidelity. And it”s the cause or causes of the incident that should guide the decision on whether infidelity can be forgiven.
Of course, you can forgive. But to do so, you need to return to the point where your partner has transformed from a single entity into a roommate—a friend who lives in the same house, sleeps in the same bed, and eats in the same kitchen, yet is completely (or effectively) indifferent to their friends.
Read also: Can you forgive a girlfriend”s infidelity, and is it worth giving a chance to an unfaithful partner?
Relationships are complicated. Sometimes people become impatient over trivial matters, unable to open up to their relatives or parents for no apparent reason.
Herein lies the main secret of infidelity: if one partner is unhappy in the relationship, sooner or later they begin looking for the missing link “on the side.” And it doesn”t matter whether the betrayal occurred during a calm or dependent state—the fact remains.
To some extent, infidelity can be seen as a kind of cry for help. After all, the partner didn”t look back and left with his suitcase packed. No, he was still trying to save the relationship, and the betrayal was a much-needed breath of fresh air for him at that moment. I assure you how long my partner prepared for the betrayal. Each individual case is highly individual.
Some people entertain the thought of betrayal for years. Others, on the contrary, spontaneously throw themselves into someone else”s bed, without much thought. The latter category of “cheating” includes spontaneous actions on a subconscious level. This type of betrayal most often occurs when people are drunk.
Well, when talking about infidelity, it”s natural to overlook some differences between male and female betrayal. Of course, the general reasons are the same for both sexes. However, there are details that differentiate the factors that drive men and women to infidelity.
The most common reasons for male infidelity
It”s perfectly natural that no one condones betrayal. But to understand whether you can forgive your loved one”s betrayal (if you truly love them), try to find an explanation for their actions and, if possible, take back everything and completely correct the mistake. According to leading international psychologists, the following situations can drive a man to infidelity.
Can infidelity be forgiven according to Islam?
- Neurotic needs for love are formed in early childhood. The main thing here is the lack or complete absence of maternal love. The mature child tries to compensate for this deficit in adulthood. At first he enjoys his “only” love. But soon this becomes not enough for him, and he begins to look for additional sources of love on the side. Often he is not alone and finds the tenderness that he lacked in childhood.
- Many men get used to one woman and begin to look for an alternative. Constantly in search of new sensations, they simply psychologically cannot be faithful to one partner. Women satisfy them only up to this stage, but there is still mystery in their relationship. The result of a man”s addiction is a rapid cooling of the relationship, a moment when his beloved surprises him with nothing but the impetus for a wave of new and interesting relationships with new women.
- Almost all men need to constantly be aware of their attractiveness and incredible sexuality. This is where the mistake lies, and it is often made by women with regular partners. Magical, seductive and incredible sex with a loved one, in which he hears many flattering words addressed to him for the first time, becomes the norm. The beloved stops praising and encouraging him, and this becomes the first reason why a man ends up in someone else”s bed. He needs to know and hear about it, that he is attractive too.
- The cause of betrayal can be either a lack of love or an excess of love on the part of a woman in childhood. His mother and grandmother, who surrounded the boy with tenderness, love and affection in everything, unwittingly taught him that there should be a lot of female love. That is why, growing up, he cannot be satisfied with the feelings of one woman. For him, they must be “seasoned” with the love and tenderness of his mistress.
But, speaking about men, we should not forget that beautiful and fragile women can deceive their partners. According to statistics, every 13th man on the planet is raising someone else’s child, completely unaware of it. Why do they dive into the pool with women”s heads?
For what reasons does a homemaker cheat?
Most women are by nature more emotional and impulsive creatures. Therefore, their reasons for cheating are somewhat different from men”s. So what makes decent wives and mothers so desperate for love?
Women experience this emotion only once in their lives. Women cannot cope with this overwhelming emotion. It’s as if lightning pierces her, she forgets about everything in the world and. About everyone. Unable to stop and be with her husband at this moment, she simply packs her things and leaves for her new lover. The most interesting thing is that a passion that arises suddenly can disappear as suddenly as it arose. However, in most cases, such wives do not return to their husbands, preferring to start a new life.
They say there is nothing worse than an angry woman. In general, this opinion is correct. A woman who has experienced betrayal sees no other way out but revenge. She pays back in kindness for causing him as much pain as he caused her. In most cases, she will definitely want him to know about her betrayal.
Here we are talking about “alternate airfields,” as they were called. In most cases, such relationships are typical for a girl who has not yet gotten married. Having two or more partners at the same time, she “runs” between them, seasoning them with notes, and chooses the best one who maintains interest in her person. If you happen to come across option #2, you can always go back to option #1. As a rule, this is not even cheating, but a special option for unmarried girls.
- No replenishment.
It doesn’t matter what a woman lacks — love, money, attention, compliments or sex. In this case, lovers, to some extent, also try to explain to their partner the fact that he does not satisfy all her needs.
- Sexual dissatisfaction.
No matter how idealistic her friend may be, if a woman is sexually unsatisfied and there is a small ember smoldering in her heart, then the fire of desire that pushes her to cheat will sooner or later break out of this ember. In most cases, such betrayal is a “one-time act”, and then only for a long period of time if it is repeated again.
Oddly enough, very often women become successful men. with the goal of buying the next car, diamonds or fur coat while he immerses himself in business. At home she is languishing with boredom. The maid is busy on the farm, and sooner or later she will get tired of waiting for her husband, and she will find entertainment on the side. The only way out of this situation is to explore hobbies that really interest her.
Men should know that it is imperative to check whether this is really the case, especially if a woman is unfairly humiliated. And the best option for such a test is a friend. After all, he was the one who could tell her how good she was. And this is most dangerous for her husband. Realizing that she is still amazing, the woman will no longer be able to remain a pliable, humiliated slave for him.
Yes, this is how women can impose infidelity on even the most admirable wives and mothers, which is inherent in even the most ordinary desires.
So men need to pay attention to their wives and not think of them as vacuum cleaner-dishwasher-microwave oven-washing machine-laundry machine hybrids. Otherwise, chandeliers and lamps must be moved carefully to avoid knocking them over.
But seriously speaking, the way she reveals all of the above is all from childhood. Modern psychological methods in most cases can help you cope with the problem and the issue of betrayal as such, how you want to change it. They will help you understand whether cheating can be forgiven. Unfortunately, most of our fellow citizens, when family disputes arise, rush to psychologists.
