How to confess to cheating and smooth things over.
The most unpleasant thing that can happen in a relationship is when someone else appears as a third party, vying for the attention and love of one partner. Sometimes this “third” person isn”t laying claim to anything, but temporarily assumes the role of lover, inviting bitter tears and a couple”s counseling.
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Whether it”s a one-time act or a systematic affair, it doesn”t really matter how far the relationship has progressed. What”s important is that sooner or later, the question of how to confess to infidelity and whether it”s worth doing may arise in the near future, when the question of whether it”s worth doing may become the most important thing in life.
If only there were something to confess
People are mysterious creatures, and it”s amazing what can happen in love relationships and even in matters of sex. For example, even understandings of what constitutes betrayal of opinion can diverge and change under the influence of circumstances.
Paradoxically, even now, in a time of relatively liberal customs, some people equate sexual ideas with betrayal. It”s not worth discussing opinions about “innocent” messages on social media with intimate details. This is usually punished as promiscuity and promiscuity, respectively.
At the same time, there are amazing characters who don”t think about sex, especially if they”re not involved in the process. They can”t explain how it”s technically possible, but they”ve been with the person and soul they”re deceiving—they”re convinced it”s sacred. There are even more interesting characters who are convinced of this. If sex was with a condom or all contact was limited to oral sex, it won”t be considered sex.
Between these two extremes, there are many views on what constitutes adultery. Generally, each person decides for themselves whether the betrayal was real or merely perceived. Therefore, if the evil half is ready to kill for a text message to a colleague with a “kiss,” it”s not. Perhaps, if we”re talking about the betrayal half, it occurred after the message was sent or after the recipient read it.
“The Influence of a Bedside Lamp on a Person”s Libido”
“Honestly, have you ever lied to me?”
– Yes, yesterday with the secretary.
– And she’s wearing the same second fig with a lamp on her head. And he lies to the fragments like this: “What are you talking about, we agreed.” So here we see that, firstly, they disagree that she never hit him with a headlamp after this truth. It doesn”t matter whether it”s true or not.”
(from the movie “What Men Talk About”))
Perhaps there are couples in the world for whom sex is not only about sex, but also about their emotional and spiritual relationship. Perhaps someday such relationships will become the norm.
Until this happens, we must admit: love is a possessive emotion, and we will not tolerate third relationships unless it is between children and parents. In all other cases, disappointment, crisis and destruction of the triangle are guaranteed.
There are quite a few examples of famous triangles. At least the “trio” Mayakovsky — Liliya Brik — Osip Brik, or Alexander Blok — Lyubov Mendeleeva — Andrei Yagoda, known in the literary community. There are examples of more modern relationships and entire ideological movements that preached free love (for example, hippie culture). All these relationships collapsed and often led to misfortunes and even tragedies. Therefore, if a couple has an agreement on an open relationship, it is recommended not to use it, or at least not to advertise an affair on the side.
About Boys, Girls, and Cheating
When serious psychologists start talking about whether it is worth admitting to infidelity, the question always arises about the different reasons for male and female infidelity. Based on these differences, they try to figure out how each gender reacts to cheating.
It is generally accepted that men change more often and “just like that,” while women change rarely and only for serious reasons. Perhaps the roots of this mistake lie in childhood. Boys are more likely to misbehave and do poorly in school, while girls are more hardworking and usually cause less trouble to parents and teachers.
However, it is forgotten that for some reason girls are better at hiding their misdeeds, especially from those who do not expect it from them. This trait in girls is still used to shame adults. Therefore, it cannot be assumed that women do not change too often.
In addition, there are no official statistics. And who would admit it? Men who hang out on the side are considered macho and real men, while women are not so much and receive a lot of derogatory praise. Therefore, by default, it is better to assume that men-women are not so far behind in this matter.
There is no need to talk about gender differences in the reasons leading to rebellion. This is because they are not. Some out of boredom, some from Restitutio ven, some from a great love of deception. There are no gender differences in cheating.
Another common misconception is that women react more strongly to men”s emotional attachment to their lovers, while men are more concerned about their physical intimacy. If this were true, women would believe that their husbands were with them. If he admired a sensitive texting rival, didn”t give her flowers, and wasn”t interested in her life, it doesn”t seem like it was
Read also: How to force your partner to confess to cheating and is it worth it?
Corruption can destroy relationships, but people do it all the time. According to statistics, from 30% to 50% of Europeans change partners at least once (indicators.
It”s the same with men. If a woman did not replace sex and there were touches and passionate kisses on the Moon, then she seems truthful. Both examples would have serious consequences in real life. Therefore, the difference between the perception of infidelity and the reaction to it is not a matter of personal belief, education, or tradition. It hardly depends on gender.
The reaction to the news of betrayal can add to the collection of fantasies about sexual differences. It is believed that husbands react more sharply to such news. In an emotional state, they quickly turn into evil huts and begin to create chaos and destruction around them. Women usually cause scandals, but they can also hit unlucky men with heavy objects. In terms of physical ability, there is only one difference. Men often break furniture, and women often break brains. Everyone uses the tools that are easier for them to get.
Therefore, it is necessary to understand that betrayal is very painful and uncomfortable for people, regardless of gender, and not to look for a universal scenario for resolving this conflict.
Keep Quiet, Say Nothing
There are not many reasons why you might want or need to talk about cheating.
- Pangs of conscience. Some people cannot be trusted with their own or other people”s secrets. They cannot keep anything to themselves and strive to tell the whole truth to others. This is one of the manifestations of personal immaturity and simply means that they cannot be responsible for their actions and decisions.
- The responsibility for impeccable behavior is a heavy burden, and not everyone can bear it. To remove this burden from yourself and shift it onto the shoulders of others, it is enough to admit it frankly. There is a desire to seem almost like a hero, at least in your own eyes.
- The betrayed partner feels that something is wrong. To do this, he digs into the ground, reads correspondence on social networks and hires a private detective. To hide his appearance, the money changer hastily admits to treason, sticks his nose in and reveals hot evidence.
- Everything becomes known and there is no point in denying it.
- The relationship is tired, and betrayal is a good reason to end things.
- Love, appreciate and always send flowers” or “pour the borscht thicker and let you go fishing.” In other words, let your partner know how wonderful and desirable you are.
How to Confess to Cheating Without Completely Losing Trust
In any case, you can and should hide, lie and get out while there is at least some opportunity to avoid a frank conversation. Of course, many parents in childhood taught their children to tell the truth, but apparently they forgot that lying is also not good.
If you suffer from pangs of conscience and want to get rid of them, you can secretly tell a teddy bear, your favorite cat or a tree in the park about betrayal. It is best not to report the fact of fornication to friends, girlfriends or in personal diaries. Popular wisdom says that Therefore, you should not, willingly or unwillingly, reveal the secret to someone who can tell you what happened.
Whatever the reasons why admitting to cheating seems inevitable, you need to think seriously before opening your mouth and relieving your conscience.
Think a Hundred Times, Say Once
It”s important to understand how costly a long-term relationship can be and who was deceived. Of course, couples go through periods of crisis, misunderstanding, and conflict. If betrayal occurs during these times, it”s no reason to end the relationship. Therefore, if you value each other and want to continue the relationship, you must conceal the infidelity. No matter what. If your partner suspects something, come up with a plausible excuse. If the evidence is circumstantial, deny everything. If you”re caught red-handed, confess, repent, and pray for forgiveness.
Even if the relationship is damaged and you want to use the infidelity as a reason to leave, it”s best not to. Betrayal is a very painful blow to self-esteem and mental health. Add to this a breakup, and depression is guaranteed. Does someone who was close and interacted closely with you deserve such treatment? This question must be considered before telling the truth.
As for perception, the blows need to be softened, even if the betrayal was a reaction to your partner”s infidelity. The fact of betrayal is a very powerful blow and doesn”t necessarily indicate excessive cruelty.
What can you do to make things look less scary?
First, it”s important not to beat around the bush, to put your partner down, or to give yourself a heart attack. Also, don”t speak bluntly and unprepared at the most unexpected moments. Your friend, Borey. It”s recommended to prepare your speech in advance and rehearse it, just like speakers do before their speeches. Otherwise, you might get overexcited at the most crucial moment and struggle to put two words together.
Second, savor the details; there”s no need to describe in detail when, how, or how many times. The fact itself is enough. You don”t need to tell them if they insist on details.
Third, no matter how sincere the remorse is portrayed and how deeply the betrayal has penetrated the soul and the relationship, revealing the betrayal is still painful. Even if the betrayal was a one-off, accidental, and without consequences, talking about it turns a random incident into a significant event.
Choosing the right place and time for a frank conversation is crucial. Don”t start a briefing in public transportation, especially if the person you”re pouring out their heart to is driving. There”s no need to choose a noisy or busy location. It”s recommended to organize the conversation in a quiet home environment or, if your partner is prone to uncontrollable outbursts of anger, in a place where you can seek help from others (for example, a park, a small cafe on the street).
You should also be prepared for the conversation at home. Remove all sharp and heavy objects and secure escape routes. If someone seems to expect nothing unexpected from others, they may be very surprised and seriously upset. In a state of passion, people can commit unimaginable and downright outrageous acts. Therefore, before you ease your conscience, consider your own safety and remove children, elderly parents, pets, and your favorite fig from the bathtub and away from the potential hazard.
