Is compatibility always important in love, sex and relationships?
Many people think they can name the character traits that their ideal partner should have. But for some reason, they often find happiness with a person who does not have any of the qualities that attract them.
Contents of the article:
You may find a partner who meets all your requirements and even your fantasies, but this does not necessarily mean that sparks will fly between you. The opposite situation is also possible. People may feel an immediate attraction, but attempts to establish a long-term relationship will end in failure. What influences compatibility in romantic relationships? Does it always matter?
DNA: genes are more important than hairstyle
According to biotech research company Instant Chemistry, up to 40% of physical attractiveness is determined by genes. People are biologically programmed to instantly “glow” towards those who have the most different set of genes from us.
Research shows that genetically compatible partners are more likely to have long-term relationships.
Not only are biologically compatible couples more likely to have children with stronger immune systems, but they are also more satisfied with their sex lives. Partners remain attractive to each other even after several years of relationship and marriage.
Personal goals
Having similar interests is good, but having the same goals in life is more important for love compatibility between a man and a woman. The alignment (or mismatch) of partners” goals, ambitions and dreams can have a significant impact on their relationship.
Couples in which one person is interested in financial success and a career, and the other dreams of a quiet, peaceful life in nature, will find it difficult to maintain a relationship, no matter how passionately the partners love each other.
Relationships become strained when the partners” desires and priorities are very different from each other. One or both spouses feel constant pressure.
Attractive facial features
Recent research suggests that orbital shape is associated with reproductive health.
Evolutionary biologist Randy Thornhill from the University of New Mexico explains in an article and interview how hormones influence the formation of the skull. Estrogen flattens cheekbones and jaws in women, softens overall facial features and enlarges eyes. Under the influence of testosterone, a man”s face takes on a more defined shape, with a firmer jawline and larger brow ridges.
Facial features under the influence of hormones indirectly convey the reproductive health status of potential partners. The above typical male and female features make people”s faces in general more attractive to the opposite sex.
Problem Solving
The ability of couples to work together to solve problems that arise is a great indicator of compatibility in a romantic relationship. How quickly partners learn to cope, have each other”s backs, and support each other is a strong indicator of a couple”s potential for a strong long-term relationship.
Quarrels over money
The ability to compromise and support each other in financial matters has a significant impact on how long a couple”s relationship lasts and how successful it is. According to a study conducted at the University of Utah, couples who frequently fight about money during dating are more likely to divorce after marriage.
The New York Times reported surprising results from a study of the reasons why people get divorced. The main factors that led women to decide to leave their marriage were disagreements over financial issues and dissatisfaction with their sex lives. Men in divorces often cause conflicts over money. Their dissatisfaction with their sex life did not even come first as a reason for the breakup.
Ability to resolve conflicts
John Gottman studied more than 1, 000 couples in a variety of situations — from family to conflict. He found that how partners interact in the first few minutes of a conversation can say a lot about how successful their relationship will ultimately be.
Couples who are more likely to initiate conversations with open expressions of bad feelings raise their voices more often than couples who address the relationship situation despite how happy they are to see their partner, despite what they have shown.
Conflict is an integral part of relationships, but every couple deals with it differently. Gottman writes in the book “Seven Principles for Making a Marriage: Conflict.”
Finding a couple by smell
Humans are evolutionarily sensitive to odors. Olfaction plays an important role in sexual selection. In the wild, sweat can convey a wealth of information about a potential partner: their gender, reproductive status, and even genetic compatibility (the more attractive the scent, the greater the compatibility).
People on a diet emit odors that their potential partner”s brain perceives as “healthy” and “attractive.”
Read also: Relationships of the Future: Virtual Love and Other Perversions
With the rapid advancement of technology and changing attitudes toward various forms of sexual communication, even the reader who understands all this should be convinced.
A group of scientists from the Czech Republic recently discovered that people who have recently eaten garlic smell more attractive than usual. The antioxidants contained in garlic have a positive effect on health and, consequently, on sweat odor.
Red is back in fashion
Red is not only the color of love and passion. Studies have shown that men and women perceive people wearing red as strong, decisive, and powerful.
Studies have also shown that the color red can trigger easily detectable physiological responses, such as increased heart rate and enhanced odor.
The color red increases a man”s attractiveness to women. Researchers from the University of Rochester found that women in the study already rated a person against a red background as more attractive. In a related study, men were more likely to rate waitresses wearing red as more attractive.
But how is red associated with sexual attraction? Many scientists believe it”s related to external signs of sexual arousal—for example, flushing of the skin and its blanching from friction. Furthermore, good circulation and high testosterone levels often give men”s skin a reddish tint. Courtship Period
Courtship period
Dating couples can”t confidently state how serious their relationship is, even after they”ve established a stable relationship.
Couples who dated for about two years before marriage increased their chances of a happy family life. However, couples who dated longer were more likely to divorce after several years of marriage, especially if they ended their relationship with their partner to try to meet someone else during a long-term courtship.
Tone of voice
Tone of voice
Why are so many women willing to be base? University College London conducted a study and found out why. Women tend to associate men with stronger, more robust bodies and deeper voices. At the same time, men prefer imaginary higher-pitched female voices, ending with those with smaller bodies who are not a source of threat.
Speech
Speech
The study, published in the journal Psychological Science, also shows that people who speak and write in similar styles are more compatible.
Desire to have children
Desire to have children
However, the study found that 65% of couples who had children against one spouse”s wishes divorced before their first child was six years old.
Is compatibility always important?
Is compatibility always important?
Dr Hudson said couples who were happy in their relationships said compatibility in romantic relationships was not important to them. One of the streamers interviewed told him that they created their relationship themselves. There was no question of perfect compatibility between them and they just had to work hard. Hudson literally documented this and included it in his research.
At the same time, studies of couples who considered their relationships inferior showed the opposite. They noted that the compatibility of men and women in love is very important, but did not take themselves and their partners into account.
The danger with the idea of romantic compatibility is that anyone who is unhappy in a relationship is tempted to declare themselves and their partner incompatible, rather than addressing the problem and working towards their happiness together. It”s easy to believe that the success of a relationship depends on the compatibility of the love relationship with your partner.
However, the experience of happy married people refutes this assertion. Everyone who is happy in their relationship has had problems. However, couples overcome them and they are still together. The success of a relationship depends on the willingness to work on it and the desire to maintain it.
Dr. John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute in Seattle, says that the individual qualities of partners cannot really predict the longevity or success of a relationship.
Gottman found that couples who work together on projects that are meaningful to both of them (like starting a business together) tend to have the longest-lasting relationships. The doctor assures that careful interaction with a partner, attentive attitude towards him and joint work on common goals are the key to a strong and happy marriage.
Simply put, Dr. Gottesman doesn”t think you need to find the perfect partner for you. Instead, he suggests devoting more time and energy to those who are already close to you.
John Gottman also emphasizes that it is extremely important that partners share dreams and life goals, and respect and admire each other.
Gottman and Hudson recommend remembering that men and women can spend their whole lives looking for an ideal, creating love compatibility on their own, but never find it. These researchers argue that there is no magic formula for a happy relationship with another person.
You can”t influence people to be attractive in body and mind. It”s also impossible to artificially create attraction in someone. Nothing can be done without the initial chemical reaction between potential partners. But finding an attractive partner is only the first step toward a long and happy relationship. Working on a relationship is the other 90% of its success.
Sexual Compatibility: How Can Incompatibility Ruin a Relationship?
