Is love not enough? Guarantee of a successful relationship — the character of the partner
The main part of dating is attracting interested partners. But as soon as this happens, they are faced with another task: to understand whether this relationship is worth saving. Sexologists and psychologists sometimes call this process “testing” or “testing.”
Contents of the article:
What are we looking for and what does it give?
Most people have at least a rough idea of what they are looking for in a potential partner. Some have a detailed list of qualities and properties that they need. But from a long-term perspective, are these qualities really the key to a successful relationship?
The problem is that the list of features may be missing some key items. We only know they are important when we discuss them with a person over a period of weeks (or months, or years). Sometimes we may be looking for a new partner for completely different qualities that are really important to us. Fortunately, scientists are conducting research to solve all of these problems.
Self-control and discipline as the key to success in love
For example, in 2011 alone, the American Journal of Personality and Social Psychology published four articles on how self-control and honesty affect the quality of relationships.
In three of these studies, researchers found that the ability to control oneself was one of the key factors in staying faithful to a partner. Obviously, people who can”t break their diet and can”t resist a juicy hamburger can also resist temptation if they flirt.
It was also found that partners of people with high levels of self-discipline trust such people more. Therefore, this personality trait can be seen as fundamental to building a secure relationship for both partners.
Read also: Polyamorous relationships: “legalized” monogamy, a guarantee of a happy union
In 2011, a romantic comedy called “Famous Weeks” was released. According to the plot, two wives offer their husbands complete sexual freedom.
Honesty is a personality quality, just like self-discipline. Four studies found that self-control and conscientiousness are key to keeping commitments to a partner. As for the very fact of having feelings for a person, this does not guarantee the fulfillment of promises.
Therefore, regardless of love, it is not emotions that play a decisive role in a relationship. Of course, this is counterintuitive. However, if you want to find a truly good partner, and not a neurotic who is going crazy, you need to pay attention to a number of important features.
Attention span
Self-discipline is used to direct attention in the right direction. Therefore, from the very beginning of your acquaintance, pay attention to how much attention your new passion pays to you. Observe how this person learns other things. Does he or she pay attention to detail? Does he or she strive to succeed at work? Or is he or she constantly distracted? If a person is distracted, his self-regulation skills are not well developed.
Why do so many people have problems in their marriage? Gary Chapman (love alone is not enough)
Ability to delay gratification
Self-discipline also allows you to put off what you want until it becomes acceptable. If you”re worried that your new acquaintance will be half an hour late for dinner, you should pay attention to this. Additionally, if a person has a lot of credit card debt, patience is likely to bring tears to their eyes.
Ability to plan
Conscientious people can make plans and stick to them. This does not mean that these plans should take up the entire diary. However, they must contain at least general ideas.
There are also those who confuse everything, don’t plan anything and live like children. At first you are fascinated by their spontaneity. However, this becomes a real problem.
Achievement motivation
People with a high level of self-discipline are able to see things through to the end. This does not mean that they are all geniuses and millionaires. However, reliable people always finish what they start, even if it takes months or years. On the contrary, chronic talkers and slackers fill their ears with the promised noodles. But perhaps their relationship with you will become their next unfinished project.
Therefore, emotional as well as physical attraction is not enough for a good relationship. Look for the traits described in your new acquaintance. If you do this, you will definitely find a worthy partner.
