How to bring sex back into the family after the birth of a child?
The birth of a child makes certain adjustments to your intimate life. What needs to be done? How do you maintain a balance between your roles as a parent and lover?
Contents of the article:
Will everything get better one day?
Everyone knows that when a couple has a newborn baby, new parents have less sex. But in the end, when the child grows up, will he have more time and energy for lovemaking? And everything will be as before, right?
So how can we tell you. According to a survey conducted by the website Family Lives, families with teenage children are least likely to have sex. Why? After all, mothers and fathers of adult children no longer suffer from chronic sleep deprivation (at least when the child is not doing something that prevents him from closing his eyes all night). They are cared for like children.
However, about 45% of respondents admitted to having sex less than once a week, and 23% said they had not had sex at all in the past month.
One of the respondents is the father of three daughters aged 16, 14 and 11 years. He described the lack of sex in his relationship with his wife as follows: After the birth of our youngest daughter, sex was very rare, once a month at most. And I always wanted this. At first I was patient and thought that everything would get better when the children grew up, but it didn’t happen. Most often we avoid this topic. And yet, when we talk about this, wild scandals begin.
86% of respondents agreed that sex became less frequent after childbirth. And 73% admitted that sex in general had gotten worse.
Privacy is essential
Many parents admit that they do not experience problems with sexual desire as such. The main problem is the inability to find time for each other. Only 9% of respondents report a lack of interest in sex. At the same time, 46% believe that it is impossible to be alone in everything (this also applies to parents with older children), and are convinced that the situation would change if they had more opportunities to spend time separately from their children. Fundamentally.
One of the respondents, a single mother, shared her problems as follows: “She often does not sleep, it seems to her that she catches every sound, so intimacy before midnight is out of the question.”
The other woman is the mother of two children under the age of four. She left him shortly after the birth of her youngest child. “I miss sex because I want to be close to someone. My life revolves around my children, and sometimes I really suffer from this responsibility,” she says.
Fatigue is a key factor affecting the sex lives of parents of all ages, according to a survey. Just under 27% of respondents admitted that they simply do not have the energy for sex.
One woman (she has two children, one four years old and the other one) admitted that before I had children, I had no problems, but now I work full time, get very tired and rarely dream about sex when I go to bed at night.
Read also: 3 simple steps to bring sex back into your relationship
This happens even with ideal couples who never quarrel or argue during a long-term relationship. At first they can”t tear themselves away from each other.
I dread Saturday morning because I know it will wake me up for it. Most of the time I do my best to keep the peace.”
Happy parents — happy children
Sex expert Susie Hayman says the situation described above is completely normal, but that doesn”t mean you should give up. She claims that it is never too late to bring sex back into family life. Plus, it can benefit the whole family!
There is a very common idea in our culture that you are somehow selfish if you want to be sexually active after having children. But in fact, this is important not only for the partners themselves, but also for the child,” explains Susie.
“Remember the survey conducted by the Children”s Society, in which children and their parents participated. About 70% agreed that parents have a good relationship with each other, which makes them (the children) happy. However, only 30% of parents agreed that everyone has a truly good relationship with their spouse. The message is clear. Taking care of your relationship with your partner is not selfish — it benefits the whole family. And it”s not just about sex, it often reflects the true state of your relationship. So if you If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for your children!” — Call Susie.
Yes, most couples face challenges at some point. The first few months after the birth of a child can be especially difficult — there”s a noticeable physical exhaustion and a lack of time for postpartum recovery. However, it”s crucial to continue talking to each other and showing your love.
Be honest with each other — this will help you avoid disappointment and improve your sex life. Rethink sex. Don”t let it end with just penetration. Touch and hold each other. “It”s not that hard,” advises the expert.
Susie also recommends that parents make it a rule to regularly schedule time for their children to be alone. For example, they could ask a family member or friend to help their child for at least a few hours a week. It”s never too late to start working on your relationship—Susie is absolutely convinced of this.
How to save a family after the birth of a child
Tips for parents
Reddit users decided to share their tips and help young parents. Below is a selection of practical tips with results:
- I love quick sex.
Don”t wait until nighttime to have sex. Do your children go to school but also have time to work? Or did they have extracurricular activities? Make the most of this time! When you go to bed at night, the idea of skipping sleep sex can be too tempting.
- Use toys.
“If you”re worried you won”t have time for quick sex, try a vibrator. My husband surprised me with this solution, and it worked!” “Our life has changed quietly!” one user shared.
- Plan everything in advance.
Many parents do this, especially those with very young children. Otherwise, you”ll be overwhelmed and exhausted, and sex won”t happen. You both need it, so take action,” another user advised.
Another experienced parent shared this advice. “Make Saturday night yours alone. I have two kids, ages 2 and 3. While they”re in bed, we have dessert, a glass of wine, or watch a movie (we switch weekly—sometimes I choose, and sometimes my spouse is in charge). This gives us the opportunity to enjoy time each week when we belong together.”
- Try mutual masturbation
If you can”t find time for long lovemaking, try masturbation. “It works for me and my wife. We each do our own thing, but we kiss and touch each other during the process. Then we cuddle, just like after regular sex,” one woman describes the game.
- Don”t be afraid of “mischief
Need to skip cleaning, sacrifice an hour of sleep, or be late for work because of sex? Well, don”t worry! You can split the housework in half and do it a little later. The rest of us will manage somehow.
