Is there sex after divorce: basic rules for meeting exes
According to a recent study, one in four divorced couples continue to have regular sexual intercourse. Sex after divorce is a topic that remains indifferent to most people.
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Movies, TV shows and books tell us that this is completely normal. Scenes of divorced couples suddenly reunited in passionate pursuits are very common. And this is not surprising. After all, intimate relationships with ex-spouses add that very intrigue to the plot that many people lack in everyday life. How often does this happen in real life? Is sex with your previous partner as good as it is shown in literature or cinema?
In fact, it all depends on your personal ideas and beliefs. Sex between former partners is quite possible, but if you decide to take this step, you need to take into account some nuances and follow a few simple but useful rules.
Basic rules for sex with your ex
- Personal space.
You are no longer a couple. Therefore, most of the things that used to be normal in your relationship are now unacceptable. You”re only dating to have sex, and it shouldn”t turn into long-term dating. It has now become the norm to not be together all night, spend leisure time or treat each other to dinner.
Remember that both you and your ex will sooner or later arrange your new life. And if any of you started this earlier, you shouldn”t interfere. Respect each other”s wishes and personal space.
- No false expectations
Realism and a healthy assessment of the situation are necessary for sex after divorce. As before, it is necessary to clearly understand that there is nothing between you and your ex, and now you are on a completely different level of relationship. This relationship is temporary, not permanent, will not develop into something more and may not last long. (Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, but now we are talking about the most likely development of events).
Always remind yourself that the main purpose of interaction with your ex-partner is to gain pleasure and emotional release. Do not want to return the relationship through sex — this is unlikely to happen.
And if you still have strong feelings and emotional attachment to your ex-spouse, maintaining an intimate relationship with him is not a good idea. However, sex is intimacy, even if it happens between people who are no longer together. Other love can play cruel jokes on you, so it is better to take care of your psyche and protect yourself from excessive stress.
- Sex is not love.
No matter how much you might like to believe otherwise, in all cases intimacy is not a manifestation of sincere and deep feelings. You have to accept it. If your ex-partner wants to continue to have a sexual relationship with you, this does not always mean that he still loves you and wants something more.
Therefore, try not to place sacred meanings near you. Try to build yourself morally on the fact that your current relationship is related exclusively to sex. Don”t maintain your emotional attachment to this person. The happiness and positive feelings you experience are only caused by physical pleasure and not by spiritual connection.
- Contraception.
Contraception is always necessary. Yes, in this case we are talking about a person with whom you have been together for a long time, but this is not a reason to neglect safety. Even if you had unprotected sex in your marriage and were sure that your partner was healthy, now everything has changed. First, you can no longer be sure that your ex-spouse is not in an intimate relationship with someone else.
Read also: Relationships for the sake of sex: basic rules of erotic friendship
.” He defined it with the term “erotic friendship.” He convinced his lovers: only relationships in which there is no trace of emotion and in which there is one partner.
In addition, there is always a risk of unwanted pregnancy. In this case, it is especially important to take precautions to prevent this. Use condoms even if you are using other methods of contraception.
Honesty and openness are the basis of interpersonal interaction. Even though your partner and you have broken up, you should remain as open as possible in your communications. Your boundaries and voice need to be clearly defined. Why do you continue to have an intimate relationship? It”s important that you both know what”s going on and have the same understanding of what”s going on between you.
The benefits of sex after divorce
- Stay sexy.
It”s no secret that sexual activity is good for your health. Amid the stress of a breakup, attraction fades, and then it’s not easy to get it back. If both you and your partner are willing to continue to have an intimate life together, it may help you get through your divorce more easily without harming your libido.
- Normal partners.
This is perhaps one of the main advantages of being close to an expatriate. You get used to a new person, and you don”t have to study their needs and desires. You don”t have to talk about yourself for a long time. You and your ex-trumpet player probably know everything or almost everything about each other. You are very familiar with each other”s bodies, and each of you has an idea of how much you like or dislike sex. You may even develop certain habits and routes that will be appropriate during the course of your intimate life in marriage.
Why do ex-husband and wife continue to sleep together? psychologist”s advice
- No loneliness
After a break, people find it difficult to be alone with themselves. At such moments, you don’t want to feel the support and human warmth of your ex-partner next to you. Therefore, intimacy after divorce is a good way to gradually cope with internal contradictions and self-doubt.
Disadvantages of intimate meetings with your ex-spouse
- The desire to return.
Of course, it will be much easier to get through a divorce if you completely distance yourself from your ex-partner and minimize contact with him. This is how our psyche works. If you remain in a relationship with your ex-spouse, you risk increasing your emotional distress. Especially if it is connected with sex, which causes a powerful release of hormones and emotional turmoil.
As mentioned above, sex brings people together to some extent, and in your situation there is neither one nor the other. After you feel close to your partner again, one of you may experience another emotional outburst, which may lead to attempts to repair the relationship.
- Pregnancy potential.
If you neglect contraception and prefer unprotected sex or interrupted sexual intercourse, the risk of unwanted pregnancy increases significantly. If you didn”t plan on having children even when you were married, this turn of events is very inconvenient.
But now the situation is much more serious. This happens because you are experiencing a gap. Needless to say, accidentally getting pregnant with your ex after a divorce brings you a lot of problems. And again, condoms are an indispensable assistant in the first case.
- The abrupt end of a relationship
Even if you really enjoy sex with your spouse, sooner or later it will end, and you need to understand that. It”s time for both of you to build a new life. And even if you are in no hurry to enter into a new relationship, sooner or later one of you will find the other. This is very normal. Moreover, holding on to the past for a long time means not developing.
However, if you”re very used to having sex with your ex and don”t want to cut him out of your life, you may find it difficult to cope with the sudden end of your dating life. Remember that life goes on. You will definitely meet a person who will bring comfort and bright emotions back into your life.
