Safe and Sane: 8 Vital Rules of BDSM

The more I learn about BDSM, the more I realize that it can be done completely safely. However, if you do not yet know the basic rules of such games well, you can seriously harm yourself or your partner. Therefore, it is very important to have an understanding of the precautions and basic features of BDSM to make the experience enjoyable and fun for everyone involved.

BDSM rules

Ideally, all the rules listed below should be followed. Even if some of them seem silly or misremembered, they were created by experienced members of the BDSM community over the years.

BDSM has a number of fundamental principles. The first and most important of these is the SSC (Safe, Smart and Voluntary) principle. He emphasizes safety and consistency in everything that happens during the session. It is important to understand that safety here does not mean the complete absence of pain or injury.

All BDSM participants should be aware that kink play may include minor injuries (e. g. bruises, whip marks). However, within the framework of the game, the injury does not have to be serious, requiring medical attention and long-term treatment.

• Use a safe word

Before starting the game, you need to come up with and discuss a safe word. Unlike role-playing games, where the use of such words is not mandatory, in BDSM the presence of a safe word is one of the most important rules, and the session simply will not take place.

The word is necessary so that the game can be stopped at any time if one of the participants needs it. If the safe word is heard, stopping the session is not discussed. This is the basis of BDSM law and safety. The code word must be known to all partners. These must be strictly discussed and agreed upon before the start of the session.

Instead of code words, some people prefer special gestures. This works too, but in some cases it is more difficult to use signal movements for obvious reasons. Partners may simply not be able to move. In this case, there is a risk that if the participant wants to stop, the other partner may simply not notice the code gesture. For this reason, it is recommended to stop with a safe word.

The safe word should be short and easy so that none of the participants forget it. Here are examples of the most common stop words: red, pineapple, banana, peach. You can come up with new unique words that only you and your partner know — again, the main thing is that it works on time.

If you take it shortly before regular sex, the risk is low. However, with BDSM things are different. Especially when it comes to complex games such as pendant or gaming rings. Mind-altering substances can slow your reactions and make it difficult to see what is happening. Therefore, an important rule of BDSM is that both the submissive and the dominant must remain calm throughout the entire session.

Honest communication is essential to sexual interactions—both vanilla sex and kinky sex. It is very important to be honest not only with your partner, but also with yourself. So before you get into a BDSM relationship, make sure it”s something both of you want. As part of the game, talk about your respective boundaries and limitations, desires and identification.

Read also: BDSM rules for beginners: safety first

Taking precautions, especially if this is a very important first experience of BDSM. A detailed training manual on the technique needs to be developed.

You are in constant contact: change the rules if necessary, take an interest in each other’s well-being, pay attention to your partner’s feelings and behavior.

• Paying attention to your partner”s wishes

Your partner may be willing to try something you don”t always like. However, you can change their attitude in the process. Pay attention to your needs and desires. Listen to everything your partner encourages you to do. This is especially important for dominants as they need to keep this in mind during the session. Treat your partner”s responses with kindness and understanding.

When it comes to sexual growth, patience is necessary. You may be more experienced in BDSM than your partner. For example, it may take him longer to get used to whiplash than you would like. Remember that pain tolerance increases with arousal. This is the basis of sensory dominance. You may want him to take on the dominant role, but he needs time to get used to the idea. Again, the key is communication.

• Know how to use props

BDSM is not built on spontaneity. These games are based on careful preparation. Partners agree in advance on everything that will happen during the next session.

For example, you cannot go to the nearest supermarket, buy the first rope you come across, or tie your partner for it. One partner in the room should not be left chained and gagged. Having BDSM sessions at home without preparation and training is really dangerous.

If you are organizing something larger than a game of fence, it is worth preparing for it thoroughly. Experts advise that you first understand this issue in detail and study in detail the features of using BDSM aspiration that you are going to include in the game.

No matter how strange it may sound, it makes sense to first read specialized literature and information on the Internet, watch videos and communicate with people competent in this matter. It”s important to learn as much as you can about what you”re trying to do.

If you are purchasing a device for the first time, you will need to learn how to use it before your session. You can”t keep learning. This is completely normal. Never use props in a game that you do not already know how to use — this can lead to serious injury!

• Prepare for worst-case scenarios.

Being prepared for emergencies or unexpected situations is an important rule of BDSM.

You should always have a mobile phone on hand to call emergency services in an emergency. Never leave your respective partner unattended. Must have two copies of the key for any lock (must have access to both copies). To quickly remove the rope, medical scissors are needed. Incisions should only be made with sterilized objects. There should always be a first aid kit nearby.

Many other recommendations and risks are not mentioned. They are individual for each type of game. Therefore, you should consider in detail the precautions for the type of BDSM you are interested in.

• Caring for your partner after the session

Of course, even for casual sex, it”s a bad idea to become immersed in your smartphone and emotionally withdraw from your partner immediately afterwards. If we are talking about BDSM, then the time after the session is as important as the process itself. In every sense of the word, you can”t leave your partner alone.

After BDSM games, your partner needs your care and attention more than ever. Sadomasochism is a strong emotional shock that causes a powerful surge of adrenaline and a whole range of emotions. After such an experience, everyone needs time to fully restore their emotional state and come to their senses.

After the session, a light dinner, hot tea and a warm blanket are recommended. In addition, perfumed oils or antibiotics should be applied to the affected areas of the body. Other treatments include hugs, warm showers and massages. Remember that care and attention are important for both the submissive and the dominant.

This list of BDSM rules is by no means exhaustive. However, we have listed some basic rules that you should follow to keep yourself and your partner as safe as possible during and after the game.