Poisoned apple, or destructive gifts from manipulators
The ability to recognize manipulation and defend against it is a powerful psychological tool. This allows you to distance yourself from uncomfortable people, prevents the accumulation of traumatic experiences, and also helps you establish comfortable relationships.
Contents of the article:
Rule of reciprocity
Essentially, manipulation is carried out in the context of mutual return between partners. Giving and taking is an important aspect of relationships. In particular, they should pay attention to the first stages of acquaintance. Essentially, a reciprocal relationship involves the willingness of each person to return any form of favor or benefit received from the other. This rule protects “donation” from being used for personal gain. This factor also motivates people to invest further. In other words, the “exchange” of relationships between people occurs without offense.
“Debt repayment” as a way of pressure
The rules of reciprocity described allow you to gain significant power over the giver. Receiving gifts is a case of talking about understatement, which is a socially required compensation for generosity. If a person does not fulfill this implicit obligation, then, as a rule, it is not out of malice — for example, he has not yet had the opportunity to “give birth.”
However, such donors use the investment as leverage to force the debtor to compensate the obligation. This makes him invest more and more. Gifts turn into poisoned apples. The evil old woman pretends to be virtuous and then maliciously tries to give it to the defenseless Snow White.
Typically, the donor-manipulator operates according to one of the following algorithms.
- In response, he asks his partner what his partner does not want to give.
- He doesn”t say what exactly he needs in return.
- He gives something to his partner and then becomes a parasite in his sense of duty.
Both parties should have a clear idea of what they can offer each other before the “deal”. But instead, people usually give each other gifts and then benefit from it.
Read also: How to stop worrying about your loneliness?
Solitude frees and gives strength. You don”t have to think about what your partner will say or how you will react to it. However, this coin also has..
How to protect yourself?
Manipulators
- Don”t take if you are not ready to give. When we were growing up, our parents taught us not to take sweets from strangers. In adult life, little has changed except the scale of these “sweets”. Therefore, if you are not ready to respond to your new partner”s generosity and mercy, the best strategy is to abandon him.
- Do not manipulate accordingly. Skilled manipulators feel better in this regard. And finally, they lead their partner into a trap, believing that sensitive manipulation completely justifies their actions. It is better to refuse such a gift.
- Clarify the donor”s intentions. A normal conversation is enough for this. If you don”t know the motive behind the car or gold ring given to you, ask about it. And don”t be shy to ask questions about what people would like in return for this gift. Perhaps we are talking about a marriage proposal. Perhaps we are talking about a faithful and devoted relationship. Usually these are the motives of honest people. However, it is possible that because of his gift, your new acquaintance wants to limit your freedom in the most radical way.
- Give on their terms. Remember that you are not obligated to “lent” exactly what your partner asks for. For example, a man can give a girl a chic bouquet of roses and a luxurious bear and expect sex with her in return (interestingly, the bar is even lower — chocolate girls believe that they can be “bought”). Our heroines should not be rotated. After all, it certainly doesn”t say there has to be sex. You can gift your boyfriend a plate of homemade cookies. Thank you!” Even a simple note with the words “Thank you!” can sometimes do the trick. Well, if you feel guilty after giving, return the gift to the giver and don’t be upset.
Therefore, giving is part of a normal loving relationship. However, when it becomes manipulative, it is better not to accept the gift. As popular wisdom says, you want it after the dacha, but not after measles.
Male manipulation: two tricks of weak men. Relationship between male and female growth stages.
