How to build an ideal relationship? 14 secrets
Why aren”t they taught in school what”s really important? Of course, logarithms, formulas and the Pythagorean theorem are all great. But knowing how to work with stops and diagonals and knowing the date of birth of a deceased person will do little to help you build a healthy relationship with your partner. Therefore, we must fill in all the rough edges and learn from our mistakes. This is a long, painful and energy-consuming process. So what should we do?
Contents of the article:
We stopped! Nobody forbids us to learn from the mistakes of others and listen to the advice of knowledgeable people. By the way, about those who are in the know. Alison Cohen is a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. She received her Master”s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Pepperdine University and has over 12 years of experience helping individuals and couples achieve their best selves. She”s compiled a list of 13 practical tips to help you build strong, healthy partnerships. Get out your pens and spreadsheets, kids!
Like the first time
Months and years will pass. You get used to each other and begin to relax a little. I don”t want to dress up and put myself in the best light anymore. What”s the point? He/she already knows everything about me. Are you trying to surprise and impress your partner? For some reason I don”t want this. It”s better to turn on the series and stay at home. My reserves of patience, understanding and kindness are exhausted. Sometimes very quickly. I don”t understand why your relationship isn”t the same as it used to be. The point is that you stopped trying to do something. For your partner, for your relationship and even for yourself. Make a list of all the things you”ve happily given up — romantic weekend trips, cute traditions like confession notes, the desire to dress nicely at home, the habit of going on unusual dates. Made it up? Re-read. Then immediately start doing it point by point.
Ask
For some reason, it seems to us that long-term relationships turn partners into psychics who can read minds. Is it really that hard to guess? What happens at the end? Inflated expectations, crumbling illusions, mountains of unnecessary disappointments. Learn to talk about your desires. No complaints, no ultimatums, no accusations. Talk about everything you want from your partner, be it an evening out at a restaurant or some kind of sexual desire.
Study your partner
How well do you know the person sitting next to you? Are you trying to find out? Do you consider yourself an expert in everything that concerns your partner? We don”t want to upset you, but you may be wrong. We often make big mistakes in relation to those closest to us, because we love to think their thoughts for others, make wishes for them and analyze the motives of their actions.
You can have a heart-to-heart talk or play games like 36 Questions. The main thing is to be prepared for the fact that your partner may open up to you from a new side.
“How are you?”
We hear this question so often that we forget how to answer it truthfully. We get asked about this by friends, family, colleagues and people who generally don”t mind our “business”. Such template questions lead to the same template answers. Such late-night activities are unlikely to strengthen the bond between you. If it works for your couple, fine, go ahead. However, if you find that this phrase makes you less enthusiastic, try asking your partner more creative questions. For example: When your partner speaks, look him in the eye and listen to him. Take a break from your business, go up to him and hug him. You can reply to messages later. And a burnt omelette is not so bad.
Read also: TOP 5 secrets of ideal relationships: how to build a strong union in an ideal romantic relationship, sexual attraction and common interests are not enough. There are several ways to find out if yours are healthy.
Tradition for two
Did you have a sweet tradition or ritual that you conveniently forgot about because you were overwhelmed by problems or worries? Revive your romantic routine urgently! Today is here. And if you”ve never had any habits or rituals, it”s time to create one. For example, go for a walk in the park once a week. Or go to your favorite cafe. Or once a month, take a day off from work, disconnect from social media, and have a solo date. Always just the two of you outside the apartment.
Sexy time
What attracts you most to your partner? Discuss this in your free time. Make a list of sexy things that really turn you on. For example, your boyfriend loves to cook dinner and dance to music. Or you can”t take your eyes off your girlfriend who wears your T-shirt at home (she”s wearing nothing else).
Share your insights and put them into practice. When. At the first opportunity. You can also discuss your partner”s “non-sexual” habits. The key is to present everything in a humorous and gentle manner.
Cool dates
Be more imaginative! Movies and restaurants are excellent. Couples who are staying put will love this rendezvous. However, it”s worth adding a little originality. Believe it or not, money or lack of time doesn”t matter. Dates don”t have to cost four figures. And someone who spends several hours a day scrolling through social media can hardly honestly say they have a very busy schedule.
Look online for budget date ideas. Give the kids/cats/dogs a few hours and spend time together.
Touches
Kissing, hugging, and sex are very important elements of a healthy relationship. Talk about sex. Make it a priority. Touch each other more often (this applies to more than just sex). The amount of sex is individual for each couple. By the way, you might want to discuss this issue with your partner. Instead of letting go of pent-up disappointments and shortcomings, it”s better to recognize new issues and start working on them. What was your relationship like in the first few days, weeks, or months? Were you constantly holding hands, hugging, watching movies, kissing every morning, working together? Turn on the time machine and go back in time.
Be in the moment
Whether you”re having sex, going out to dinner, talking about your day, or eating cold pizza on Sunday morning, cherish the moment. Close to your partner. Listen and feel. All problems will be resolved later.
Break instead of scandal
When you”re in the middle of an argument and emotions are running high, it”s time to take a break. Stop yelling at each other and agree to continue the conversation for 10 minutes, 30 minutes, or tomorrow night. In the midst of an argument, you can say a lot of things that you will regret in a few minutes. Try not to let this destructive energy take over. Rest and come to your senses.
Dig Deeper
Conflict is inevitable. You need to learn to behave correctly. Talk about how you feel and why. Instead of humiliation, say: “I’m offended. I understand that you are now offended by my words. That’s how I feel.”
This approach requires courage and honesty. It”s much easier to tell your partner to go to hell than to talk about your feelings and show your vulnerability. You always have time to send it. Then you start yelling at each other, going into different rooms and blocking everyone”s plates. But let”s do without second-rate Mexican TV series today.
You don”t have to agree
But try to understand your partner. Learn to see things from different angles. Relationships are always teamwork. The “I have two opinions, one is mine, the other is wrong” approach has never helped anyone build healthy relationships.
Fake apologies have no meaning
“Sorry, but there’s nothing we can do about it,” “I’m sorry you feel that way,” and other apologies about the box are meaningless.
Try to understand why your words and actions hurt your loved one. You”ve read the previous points and know how to listen to your partner and stand up for them, right? Listen, accept, express your opinion and apologize. Discuss what can be done in this situation. But! Don”t let your partner play on your guilt. If there are problems in the relationship and you are the only one constantly apologizing, then something is wrong.
Main secret
Accept the fact that there is no perfect relationship. Give up building an ideal relationship in which there are never quarrels. This is a utopia. Marital disputes are not a disaster. Infancy and fear of small difficulties and disagreements are much worse.
