How to improve relationships during a pandemic
We live in an upside down world and we are facing an existential crisis. It is at times like these, when our existence is threatened on a massive scale, that we tend to make decisions that we have been thinking about for a long time. In this article
- Maintain a daily routine
- Division versus Unity
- Respond, don”t react
- Working on a common project
- Communicate your needs
- Practice patience & amp; kindness
- Focus on what really matters
In my couples therapy practice, I”m noticing that some couples who were struggling to connect before the COVID pandemic are now making huge strides despite being isolated in their homes, while others are in a downward spiral. It is not uncommon to see large numbers of divorces or marriages following a major existential crisis such as war, the threat of war or a pandemic such as the one we are facing right now. Coexisting in a quarantine marriage with your partner is a major adjustment. Our lives are now confined to our homes and our kitchen tables have become our cubicles. There is little or no separation between work and home life and the days become a blur, one week turns into another without us noticing any difference. If anything, the anxiety and stress are only increasing every week and there seems to be no immediate relief from our relationship problem.
Here are some practical tips couples can implement to maintain some sense of normalcy and make the relationship work during these stressful times.
1. Maintain a daily routine
It”s easy to lose your routine when you”re working from home and your kids are out of school. As days turn into weeks and weeks into months, having some routine and structure can help couples and families feel more optimistic and productive. Look at the daily routine you had before the pandemic and, of course, you probably won”t be able to do most of them due to social distancing measures. But implement the ones you can, such as having a cup of coffee with your partner in the morning before you start work, showering and changing into pajamas and changing into work clothes, scheduling a lunch break, and setting a clear end time for your work day. It is also important that you use certain techniques to maintain your mental health during this lockdown. Implement similar routines for your children because they crave structure — breakfast, getting ready for online learning, lunch/snack breaks, end of study time, play time, bath time and bedtime rituals. As a couple, set relationship goals for yourself. As a family, try to establish an evening routine — having dinner together, going for a walk, watching TV. V. shows and weekend events such as family games, backyard picnic or arts/crafts night. To keep relationships on track during this pandemic, couples can make date nights indoors—get dressed, cook a romantic dinner, and have a glass of wine on the patio or backyard. You can also turn to some practical tips from the UN to maintain some normalcy during this lockdown.
2. Separation vs. unity
In general, some of us are programmed to spend more time alone than others. However, after spending days, weeks and months largely confined to our homes, most, if not all of us need a balance between being with our loved ones and having some time to ourselves. Work on this balance with your partner by allowing space in the relationship. Perhaps take turns going for walks or having access to a quiet space in the house, giving each other a break from parenting and household chores. To help your relationship, try not to take your partner”s request for alone time personally, and don”t be shy about asking your partner to do the same so you can have time for yourself as well.
3. Respond, don”t react.
Want to know how to stay sane during this quarantine period? It”s easy to be overwhelmed by the news these days and the constant stream of worst-case scenario information flooding our minds and lives through social media, emails, and text messages from friends and family. It”s crucial to respond to the crisis by taking every precaution and practicing social distancing, but try not to spread panic, worry, and anxiety among your family and social circle. This is especially important for parents, because children look to their parents and the adults in their lives for guidance. If adults are worried but calm and level-headed about a critical situation, children are more likely to be calm. However, parents and adults who are overly worried, exhausted, and panicked will trigger the same emotions in their children. 4. Work on a shared project
another way to build relationships is to start working on a shared project with your partner or the whole family, such as planting a garden, remodeling the garage or house, or spring cleaning. Involve your children as much as possible to give them the sense of accomplishment that comes from completing a task or creating something new. By investing your energy in creativity or reorganization, you”re less likely to focus on the chaos and unpredictability that surround us all. Not to mention, creation in times of destruction is nourishment for our souls.
5. Communicate your needs
strive to understand each other and be more open in your relationships, creating time and space for everyone in the family to come together and express their needs. I suggest holding a weekly family meeting where adults and children take turns reflecting on how their week went, expressing feelings, emotions, or concerns, and communicating their needs. Couples can meet once a week to reflect on what they do well as a couple, how they make each other feel loved, and what they can do differently moving forward.
6. Practice patience & kindness
for relationships to work, it”s crucial to be patient and kind during this very difficult time. Everyone is feeling overwhelmed, and those with underlying emotional issues like anxiety or depression are more likely to feel the weight of this crisis. Try to understand your partner; people are more likely to be irritable, children are more likely to act aggressively, and couples are more likely to argue. In the heat of the moment, take a step back and try to recognize that much of what”s happening right now can be attributed to what”s happening in your environment, not in the relationship.
7. Focus on what”s truly important
perhaps the most important thing for a relationship to work right now is to focus on what”s truly important—love, family, and friendship. Check in with your family and friends you can”t see in person, set up FaceTime or video chats, call your elderly neighbors to see if they need anything from the store, and don”t forget to let your loved ones know how much you love and appreciate them. For many of us, this crisis is bringing to light something we often forget: that work, money, comforts, and entertainment may come and go, but having someone to help you through it is the most precious thing. People who don”t think twice about sacrificing family time or time with their partners to dedicate themselves more to work hopefully understand how precious love and relationships are, because during an existential threat like COVID, the absence of a loved one to comfort your fears is likely more frightening than our current reality. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vM9FM7Sc0oU
How to Improve Relationships During a Pandemic
