How to survive divorce or life with a clean slate
Divorce. Horribly offensive language. Many people are afraid of it, try to avoid it, add a lot of strength and maintain the illusion of well-being. And all this in order not to encounter the most negative options for the development of relationships.
Contents of the article:
Reasons for divorce
There are as many reasons as there are people living in couples. But there are absolutely classic examples and standard situations. In most cases, they are the root causes of schism. This is a classic. Those who are determined are rare and can simply forgive betrayal. Who goes through 9 wheel hell, no matter what it takes, to save their marriage. There are doubts, fear, self-flagellation and depression. Basically, they forgive in two cases: supernatural love and material dependence. There is a third option, but in most cases it is only a subparagraph of the second. This happens when the partner himself leads a double life. Terrible love can forgive everything: betrayal, vile habits such as alcoholism and drug addiction, humiliation, etc. It is difficult to say what motivates a person when he has forgiven everything. But, as a rule, such love is just an illusion. Of course, such patience is a kind of “victimization syndrome.” If we talk about love in this way, then it can change a person, make him better and develop a sense of responsiveness. If this does not happen, then talking about it is at least stupid. Therefore, the very fact of the existence of such concepts as treason does not exist. People like it or don”t like it. If your partner no longer has feelings, don”t accuse him of cheating. Therefore, having admitted the fact of treason, the initiator is either a fraudster or a deceiver. The traitor leaves because he sees no point or desire in continuing to be together. A deceived person does not want to put up with the fact of “betrayal” and will not forgive a lie. Due to this, the couple divorces.
- Bad habits
The definitions don”t sound as scary as what is actually hidden. This includes alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction and everything else that interferes with the cloudless existence of the family. These problems bring destructive energy. Not everyone can cope with them, both on the part of the culprit and on the part of the sufferer. These habits can kill the most powerful feelings. They drag everything down: material problems, family health in a literal figurative sense, they reduce the development of children and ruin their destinies. In some cases, they talk about the basic safety of other people. As a result, the criminal ends his existence in two scenarios. He either copes with the problem and adjusts his life, or he simply dies. In the first case, subject to the wisdom and patience of the partner, the family can be saved. If it is impossible to fight infertility, then the best solution would be divorce. This habit destroys the financial well-being of the family. Endless debts, lack of money and the inability to meet your own needs and the needs of your family are disturbing and do not allow you to calmly plan your life. Not only are important issues at risk, but the family is also exposed to external negativity. It is impossible to play well, and players squander huge sums of money, driving their families into debt. Attempts to reason lead nowhere.
- Lack of love.
When emotions subside, most couples decide to divorce. There is no point in existing further as a couple if there is no basic respect left for the partner, and everything else does not oblige you to anything. With this division there are only positive aspects, which will be discussed in more detail later. Here are the main reasons for divorce. These are the most serious ones, although, of course, there are more of them than it seems at first glance.
How to survive a divorce
Before you decide to end your marriage, you need to understand that you need to get all your wills together. The best time has not yet come, but the “berries” have begun to fall out of the relationship. Psychologists say that when breaking up, people go through five stages: 1.
- Refusal. When a person faces a divorce, he undoubtedly experiences shock. However, this is a collective definition. It includes pain, resentment, anger, fear and many other emotions. After some time, the passion subsides, and the person accepts the situation, but denies it. At this moment, they are overcome by a feeling of emptiness. It is useless to convince yourself that it will improve, form and return to normal. He definitely doesn”t listen to all of his loved one”s soothing nonsense. Its validity is undoubtedly questionable.
- Anger. Everyone goes through this phase. Some of them stay firmly stuck for a long time. Attacks of anger can simply go off scale. You must remember that unleashing your surroundings is bad manners. You must understand that emotions are directed at your partner, and not at your children, relatives or friends. All the armpit supports of the partner are remembered, the negative moments become much brighter, time is hopelessly lost and the understanding comes that the best years have been spent. This attitude towards oneself can lead to prolonged depression, which is very difficult to cope with.
- Self-destruction. This is the most dangerous phase of all. This is the middle of the situation, the equator. Not everyone can get through this without loss, since comments from closed psychologists are flying from all sides, urging us to understand ourselves. The roots of evil are here. You can reach the very bottom of yourself until it becomes normal to believe in the sanctity of your own guilt. This can end very unpleasantly. This is funny. It”s not worth even trying.
Read also: How to get over a breakup or 10 tips for a lost relationship breakups are a little like death, as one song says. Survival is difficult, but it can be done. Of course, not everyone will succeed, but we don”t.
- Emptiness. Emptiness sets in. It will sneak in unnoticed, but others will definitely notice the isolation. Do not refuse the help of your loved ones, as at first they can cope with the help of conversation. This will make the task much more difficult, but no one wants to spend several weeks in the neurosis ward.
- Accepted. Ah, this long-awaited feeling of freedom, this breath of fresh air. Acceptance of the situation will inevitably come. There is a feeling of lightness that has never existed before. No wonder they say that time heals. All problems will no longer hang like a sword of Damocles or seem insoluble. Life will cease to be chaotic, and order will reign in it. It”s worth being persistent in this.
What should an “abandoned” person do?
Departure is always easy. Staying with something specific is much more difficult. To avoid major changes in your life, you must be completely committed. You can”t lie on the couch and suffer in silence. Yes, this is a common hobby. If you have a divorce certificate in front of you, what hobbies can you talk about? But life goes on, the sun still shines, and everything else remains the same. Moreover, there was freedom from obligations. At this moment, it is worth remembering your dreams of playing the piano, learning to dance the waltz, or baking cakes. There are so many interesting things around, but people are not aware of all this because of their responsibilities. But it’s so simple: get off your ass from the couch and go to conquer new horizons. Workaholics who enjoy endless work may be looking for their next job or immersing themselves in their main activity. As long as people are busy making money, depression does not threaten them. Work is best suited to healing emotional wounds. Taking care of children can be distracting. Plus, you don”t have to be completely immersed in your heirs” lives. Be a little more involved in their lives. However, trying to live someone else”s life will not lead to the best results in overcoming the consequences of a breakup.
- Deal with the mistakes.
How to survive a divorce? Mikhail Labkovsky
What not to do after a divorce
The most important thing you should never do after a divorce is withdraw into yourself. Life didn”t stop when your partner left. They didn”t die; they”re alive and well. They”re no longer with us. But when a teenage friendship ended, no one was weakened. To move on, you need to find the strength within yourself. As mentioned above, how and what to do with yourself, but what not to do?
- Throwing tantrums.
Hysteria solves nothing. It only makes the situation worse. The person already has negative tendencies. They have many arguments, and character flaws are among the main ones. And then hysteria sets in. It prevents the possibility of a return and only intensifies the hostility.
- Constant communication.
There is no need to aggravate the situation with endless tears. You have to bind them with this. Another point is children. After the divorce, they get the impression that they are at the epicenter of all the world”s troubles. At the same time, the spouse, and in most cases she, remains “overboard” and begins to call for “to sit with the children,” “blind nails,” “remove the circle,” “meet you at school.” In any case, this cannot be done. First of all, constant demands are extremely annoying. Secondly, the person left, that’s it, he’s gone, he has a different life! And he begins to be proud of each “leg,” loading it with daily chores. This is the classic abandoned wife. It doesn”t matter how the husband left. It is important that these are his children. And they should not suffer because their parents’ lives did not work out. He is the third wheel. Therefore, the spouse has the right to full communication with the child. Moreover, many women can contribute to the formation in the minds of their children of negative attitudes towards their fathers. The same applies to the father if the children are with him. It is not possible to prevent a child from seeing the other parent, as this would be a form of “inheritance”. Ideally, the heirs should not see any difference, except that now one of the parents lives separately. As for men in this regard. Many fathers minimize communication with their children after divorce. Yes, men are presented as people who are unable to take any part in raising their children. But people are not animals. Born — be careful and kind.
- Spreading rumors
We don”t want to get into gossip. There are several stages of divorce. Among them are alienation and hatred. These two points “blind the eyes.” The consequences are sad. The most insignificant mistake of the departed partner is accepting the size of an elephant. Yes, I want to regret this after the divorce, give me cookies and sweet tea. The dissemination of unpleasant information allows for social support and general condemnation of the “guilty”. Hence the “keep your mouth shut” and no unnecessary talk. You must be above this.
Divorce is a complex issue. To decide on such an event, you need to have courage, endurance and prudence. And if this happens, you need to draw the right conclusions, today is better than yesterday.
