My husband justifies his infidelity by saying that I have “become worse” in bed
Experiencing a partner”s betrayal is very scary. But when your partner says it”s your fault, it hurts even more. Perhaps you are sorting out all the wrongdoings in the relationship because you are still searching for your own reasons.
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How do you survive such events? What to do, how to get out of the emotional hole they threw you into? These are very complex and very individual questions. So it will probably be easier if you take advice from people on qua who have had similar experiences.
My husband accuses me of cheating: what should I do?
- “Get out of the relationship as soon as possible, it’s not your fault. You found a woman and got him to sleep with her? Because that”s the only way you can be guilty. Think about it: he blames you for his mistake, he doesn”t want to be held responsible. He clearly feels bad about what he did, so he blames you to avoid taking responsibility.
No! This is unacceptable. Don”t fall for the excuse that he will come back into your life. Because the depth of your consciousness is always in question. And there is a possibility that he will fulfill this dream. Darling, don”t let him mess with you, you deserve the best.” — Elle Bell, former Serco Custody Officer (2008-2012)
- “First of all, it’s not your fault that your husband cheated. Cheating is a choice. No one put a gun to his head. He made the decision to move beyond his marriage.
“You make a conscious decision to sleep with someone else. You know very well that this is not your spouse. If your husband cannot take responsibility for his actions, it means he does not regret what he did. If it were me, and I knew full well that my behavior in the marriage was pure and clear, I”m sorry, but I”m leaving. The relationship is over!” — Nicola Dance.
- “I absolutely hate it when men play the blame game. They use it because they don”t want to hear the truth. If he loves you, then there is no reason for him to cheat. If he cheats because he doesn”t get enough sex, tell him that”s a bad excuse. If someone in a couple is not getting enough sex, then you both need to figure out why.
Too difficult? Is it too painful? Are you bleeding because of this? If this is the reason, contact your gynecologist, take a smear and make sure everything is in order. However, talk to your doctor about painful intercourse and your problem. Your doctor may prescribe something to help you. And if this is not the case and this is not the problem, then most likely the man will not show you enough love, attention and affection. You have to let him know. Don”t keep it to yourself.
Read also: 15 surefire tips on how to become sexier in bed sexuality is an elusive feeling that comes from a partner when he is confident in his feminine power. This is a glance, a turn of the head, a facial expression.
Talk to him. Saying “it”s your fault” is too one-sided. Find out why he blames you. He won”t know if you don”t talk.” — Hester Greene
- “This is a very, very scared person at heart. He may not show it outwardly, but he is terrified.” — Tyler Charlebois, trainer
- “Yeah! It”s all your fault! “Honey, we had a fight the other day. Well, I started it, so now I want you to go and stick your dick in another woman!” Is this how it”s supposed to work?
I don”t understand why a man should stick his cock in another woman if he”s married.”
- “You are not to blame for other people”s actions. You weren”t there to guide him. Of course he has someone other than himself to blame for being a failure. If I were you around him for a day, I would just say, “If blaming me makes you feel better, feel big, then just kick yourself out of my life, man!”
Ignore this and focus on healing your heart and soul, your self-esteem and self-respect. Don”t let him or anyone else take it apart. Because they will continue to do so. I know this because it happened to me” — Millie Gaitanella (1986-2005), retired Allegri County Court of Common Pleas:
- “Give in to your personal demons and join this game. When you return home after cheating on him, your husband will understand what it”s like and you can enjoy the moment. Your husband is a freak.” — Dick Johnson, farmer and writer
- “Well, sort of. There are two people involved in a relationship, not just him alone. He (I was in his shoes too, and looking back I see what I should have done) should have come to you and said, “Honey, I”m not happy. I need this and this from you. And I also want to make you happy. What do you need me to do to make you happy?”
Only then, with absolutely open communication, will marriage and relationships work, and not just in the romantic sense.
Sex, attention, touching, hugging, kissing are all part of intimacy and a good relationship.” — John Thompson, Racing Driving Instructor
- Everything depends on you! Do you really think that your wounded heart and betrayed trust can allow this? Or has your trust completely disappeared? If you feel that you can forgive him, go to a psychologist together, otherwise start all over again — throw him away like yesterday’s trash!
I was there for you. There is no forgiveness for a spouse for cheating. I send you positive waves of healing, courage and understanding!” — Stephanie Black McDonald, Child Care Educator:
- “None of this is your fault. If he”s unhappy in the relationship, he should do the right thing: sit down and talk to you. He has absolutely no need to cheat and blame you for it, period. The best thing you can do is talk it out together and decide what”s best for both of you.” — Scott Mills
- “Was it true? Didn”t you do what you were supposed to do as a spouse?
Either way, you should take this as a lesson and become a better wife to the next man. My relationship with this is almost over. Once trust is broken, there is no going back. My advice: leave him and take what is rightfully yours. Find someone who truly cares about you, who will be devoted to you, and learn to be the best wife you can be.” — Damien Law
