One needs it, the other doesn’t: how to level out the difference in temperament
Newly-made lovers cannot live a day without sex. However, the candy-bouquet period ends sooner or later. After about a year or so, sexual activity inevitably declines. And even if both partners have lost libido, this does not cause problems.
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However, usually one member of the couple wants sex more than the other. And here you can’t do without mutual accusations: “You always make excuses!”, “You’re somehow bored, you don’t do this every day!”
And maybe we”re not talking about sex “every day.” The suffering party usually tries to have intimacy at least once a week. And even less often. And if this unstable roll can be done for a short time, then the inability to lure a partner into bed on a roll will again lead to a period of anxiety.
Additionally, a lack of sex can negatively impact the platonic aspect of a relationship. The hug that one partner desires may be physically annoying to the other partner. In couples, affectionate gestures such as kissing, nudging, and hugging disappear. As a result, all this has a negative impact on the psycho-emotional state.
The question arises: what to do? In this case, sexologists offer several useful recommendations, which we will consider today.
Caution: psychological castration
And here the psychology of relationships is often to blame. Partners who are overwhelmed by the desire for intimacy are often unaware of the obvious things that interfere with normal sex. One of these factors is the so-called psychological castration.
It is immediately worth noting that in fact, not a single part of the body is cut off from anyone. We are talking about the psychological loss of certain characteristics characteristic of the male or female sex. A typical example is when a person lives in the same area as his partner’s parents. For example, a woman lives with her husband and mother.
Actor Robert Pattinson.
In this case, psychologically the man already has, so to speak, a “wife”. And, of course, a woman cannot replace a mother to a tall child — therefore, competing with her is pointless and stressful. Psychological castration of the woman occurs. At the same time, the image of masculinity that she formed in relation to her husband.
Living in the same area with in-laws, you can often observe how people become psychologically vulnerable and lose their sexuality. Men stop playing sports and start cheating on their wives. Conscious women begin to look so as not to arouse jealousy among their mothers-in-law. In this case, they cannot talk about their vibrant sex life.
Read also: Where to find a girl for one night sex and what to expect from them?
Dating right away is the scourge of our time. Modern sexually liberated people do not want a permanent relationship, preferring to look for one meeting with.
Therefore, first of all, think about whether the phenomenon of psychological castration exists in your life. Do you talk too much about your husband and his arrogant boss when you don”t live with your parents? Do you compare your wife to your mother or the seductive blonde on TV? Disrespect for your lover”s dignity: “Have you come too soon again?” This factor destroys sex life and is a kind of blind spot that is often ignored.
Let”s be honest about frequency
If there is no such phenomenon in the couple, just talk to an open partner. Discuss the appropriate frequency of sex. If twice a week is required and he or she prefers once a month, then the average would be four to five times a month. Of course, you shouldn”t do exact mathematical calculations. The challenge is to find the optimal frequency. This works for both in the long run.
There are no right or wrong options here. As a guide, the most typical vaping frequency for 21-40 year olds is 3 times a month to 1 time a week. Elderly couples 2 — 3 times a month.
Make a plan
Plan specific dates for sex in advance. This is very important. Planned sex reveals to the partner with a higher sex drive that an intimate relationship will actually take place. This will happen on the appointed day, not just today.
Creating a schedule allows both partners to solve their problems at the same time. One does not need to humiliate himself and beg, the other does not need to endure pressure in your direction.
An agreement is more valuable than money
Stick to your schedule conscientiously. There is no need to argue and make adjustments. If your sex drive is high, you don’t need to whine every day, you don’t need to complain about the lack of sex. In case of a reduction, do not cancel or postpone sex unless there is a really important reason.
More emotional expressions of love
If a couple is able to establish a schedule, inconsistent attachment symptoms return to the relationship. Partners begin to hug and kiss each other again, without fear of misinterpretation of such gestures. Couples who have overcome problems due to differences in temperament are often surprised. Why didn”t they pay attention to their partner”s symptoms of love and affection? At the end of the day, this is really important for a good and strong relationship.
