How to survive betrayal? Advice from an experienced psychologist
Changes come into life suddenly and bring pain and suffering. It”s hard to even imagine what it”s like to exist after betrayal. Whether it is the traitor himself or the betrayed, pain can be experienced by both parties. Cheating is the deliberate and deliberate destruction of a partner”s trust. However, it is important to remember that betrayal does not mean the end of the world. What can help answer the question of how to survive betrayal? Advice from psychologists.
Contents of the article:
Don”t pretend nothing happened
Many people tell themselves that if they love you, they should forgive you. They shouldn”t. Nobody should. Betrayal destroys from within. Allowing betrayal can make you the grayest person in the world and lead to a loss of self-esteem. This advice from a psychologist evokes a lot of emotions. He also recommends writing bravely and honestly about your suffering, traumatic experiences, and feelings of helplessness. You need to put your pain on paper. You can seek help from a specialist. He will explain what to do correctly in case of an offense.
You can live with this
Another psychologist”s advice given in response to the question of how to survive betrayal is that you need to check whether there is a desire to stay with this person. If it still exists, you need to focus on fixing what happened. You should never “forget” a betrayal by pretending it never happened. But you can”t let it poison your life. This is a long and painstaking process. Cheating is, above all, a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Apart from resolving sexual tension, when there is real intimacy between partners and they truly love themselves and their other halves, not much happens on the outside. Both are happy with their sex lives. Betrayal shows that someone is missing something, that some needs are not being met. This must be resisted.
Perhaps this situation will pave the way for a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship for both parties. However, this requires maturity on the part of both partners. A passionate woman can gradually stop focusing on her own pain, step out of the role of victim and take responsibility for what happened.
If she constantly puts pressure, punishes, takes revenge and humiliates a man, her partner will become even more alienated and unapproachable. Therefore, psychologists usually advise women to stay away from the man who betrayed them for some time. Women may be tempted to move closer and pretend that they have already forgiven him or that everything is fine. However, it is far enough away to experience the emotions that this situation caused.
Therefore, if your partner does not leave, you should not heal your soul in the arms of the person who betrayed you. This happens because there is role confusion. He is offended and may be trying to console you or make you feel sorry for himself. But don”t complain too much. Confess the betrayal of a loved one and cry in front of your mother, friend or therapist. There is no need to rush into reconciliation until you really feel that you can reconcile from the bottom of your heart.
How to forgive
What does this mean — how to forgive rebellion? Many women believe that this means forgetting that everything remains the same. It”s a trap. Nothing stays the same. Forgiveness means accepting what happened, the situation one is in now, and being open to a new situation.
In order for this to become possible, the so-called “realization” must occur. From a psychologist”s point of view, relationships are exact mathematics. Any movement must be thought out. So a woman can say, “You hurt me, I”m hurt, and if you want to come back to me, you have to make amends for what you did to me.”
However, despite the fact that he betrayed them, women often do not want to lose this man. They accept empty promises and do not set conditions because they are very afraid that he will leave. They show Him in such a way as to make themselves inferior to Him. So that they can forget themselves for his sake. It”s not worth it. The truth is cruel. If his partner is worthless to him, he will betray him again.
Should the traitor be punished?
There must be redemption, not punishment. Should a woman think about what he doesn”t give her? What is she missing? And then demand it. For example, from now on, devote more time to her, take a childless vacation once a year, do household chores — whatever you want, as long as it meets the woman’s real needs.
A person who comes and asks for forgiveness is ready to accept these conditions. The atonement is necessary so that he does not have to hear from his wife: “It’s because you betrayed me.” Punishment is a fatal decision. Unfortunately, many women use it to create the illusion of power. The unfavorable role is then assigned. She is the “victim” and he is the “traitor”. But where is the place for love and intimacy?
Read also: How to survive a man”s betrayal and not fall into long-term depression?
Change is a very multifaceted concept. Some people view physical contact with another partner as cheating, while others engage in an affair.
Reasons
Why do people change? This can be different: curiosity, a thirst for fresh impressions, a desire to get something new, adrenaline and incredible joy that arises from the fact that a person has done something forbidden, or the desire to find passion and attraction that have long been buried in a serious relationship.
Do the changes make sense? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Of course, this is always very painful. The person closest to me failed me. He became someone else, even an enemy, thanks to betrayal. Painful feelings drove this nail into the ground. Why is this happening to me? Why am I bad? What mistake did he make by betraying me? Or was I not attractive enough for him? Complaints increase and anger appears.
Any relationship is a dangerous business. Nothing can guarantee eternal, cloudless love and life without difficulties. Of course, few people want to say a sacramental “yes” and think that one day they will have to overcome the consequences of infidelity. Nevertheless, it happens. Love turns into emptiness and pain.
Two ways
What is the way out of this situation? Option 2: Start a new life with a new partner with your head held high, or forgive the betrayal and try to restore everything. The second option turns out to be much more complicated. This does not mean completely forgetting what happened, but learning from past mistakes.
The first period after betrayal is the most difficult. Often, a person strives to restore the relationship and tries to justify, explain, and correct their mistakes. Despite good intentions, their efforts may prove ineffective due to the partner”s fear that they will become toxic again. This has a profoundly negative impact on their self-esteem. It”s obvious: this person isn”t a good person.
However, if an opportunity for a relationship does arise after infidelity, you should value the res for yourself and avoid constantly blaming your partner. We need to talk about your feelings and needs. It”s well known that this happens for a reason.
Life after infidelity is difficult, and sometimes downright impossible, and the spouse wants to save the relationship and seeks the help of a therapist with the help of a third party.
Working with a psychotherapist
During psychotherapy sessions, it”s important to interact with your partner extensively, discuss each other”s expectations, promote personal development, and do everything possible to resist emotionally destructive routines. If people truly love each other, they will understand that they will remain together. After experiencing infidelity, a person often suffers from fear. They fear a repeat of the same event. The desire to control and test their partner arises. However, this only leads to further destruction. Trust in the relationship must be rebuilt using a different approach. Giving a second chance is considered a more constructive approach than repeated testing and control.
The unfaithful spouse needs to constantly demonstrate that their partner is the most important thing to them, that they are indifferent, and that they are willing to change. If you can overcome the betrayal with great difficulty, your marriage will be much stronger.
Depression after infidelity
Depression after cheating
A betrayed person experiences a variety of extreme feelings due to the relationship in which they have assumed significant emotional responsibility. There is a balance between love and hate, guilt and retribution, sadness, low self-esteem, and regret. In extreme cases, personality disorders and depressive disorders can emerge. What are the symptoms and treatment of depression after infidelity?
What social consequences might depression after infidelity have if statistics consistently show that infidelity is appearing in an increasing number of relationships? Couples who decide to live together, share a future, raise children, and get married build a home in the ratio phor sense, where both parties invest effort, emotion, energy, and time to create a unique personal atmosphere.
For this reason, maintaining fidelity is a significant focus for most couples. Relationships are a very intimate environment. The need to be “the only one” and to create extraordinary intimacy and a sense of security means that instances of infidelity can lead to the collapse of structures built over the years. Symptoms of Depression After Betrayal
The experience of infidelity is accepted at a very low emotional level. The lack of faith that a man or woman can be trusted again after betrayal, the destruction of deeply held beliefs about oneself, often turns the damaged person”s world inside out.
Symptoms of depression after betrayal
Symptoms that may affect the affected person include:
Withdrawal from social interactions, lack of
Difficulty performing daily activities (including work);
- Problems with concentration and memory (cognitive impairment);
- Episodes of anxiety and persistent fear, a
- Loss of meaning in life;
- Thoughts of suicide.
- How to cope when it”s time to seek therapy?
- Such symptoms should not be underestimated. Ignoring them can lead to additional negative consequences both in the field of health and in everyday life (social relationships, professional activities, etc.). It is worth consulting with a psychologist and not excluding pharmacological assistance from a psychiatrist. After all, as a rule, it is very difficult for a person who is in the epicenter of an event to notice the boundaries of the negative consequences that usually appear in people suffering from depressive symptoms after betrayal. Therefore, for your own safety, you decide to consult a psychologist when the first symptoms appear.
How to cope when you need to go to therapy?
But if you really want to reinstate the treason law, follow the link!
How to survive betrayal? Psychologist”s advice: forgive betrayal or break up after betrayal?
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