The main reasons why a husband does not want sex after childbirth
When we plan a pregnancy, we rarely think about our sex life after childbirth. Often, complete immersion in a child can cause discord in intimate life. But is the fact of having a child really destructive? This is discussed in more detail in the article.
Contents of the article:
Why do men lose desire?
It is generally accepted that children never change a marriage for the better, so satisfaction with household chores plummets. However, not only married couples see how their children change.
The birth of a child is a stressful factor, both for the parents themselves and for all aspects of the relationship in general. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the majority of child care falls on mothers. The bond between a woman and her newborn becomes stronger every day. In such cases, men with needs and desires fade into the background.
According to Swedish researchers, there are six main reasons why men lose sexual interest in their wives after childbirth: the first is that they are more likely to be sexually attracted to their wives, and the second is that they are more likely to be sexually attracted to their mother. The latter is not always in a hurry to open up in bed.
Stress
The birth of a child is always a shock to a relationship and can add up to hundreds of sleepless nights. Not only the mother, but also the father experiences stress. Not knowing how to treat a child contributes to resentment, disappointment, and withdrawal from family life. In 60% of cases, postpartum stress is the cause of early divorce.
Lack of support
Due to the lack of innate maternal instincts, young fathers often suffer from a lack of support from their spouses. Women forget to spend time with their husbands and focus entirely on taking care of their children. And even an ordinary question: “How was your day?” Even the mundane question “How was your day?” — are gradually forgotten.
Communication deficit
Lack of communication is mainly justified by fatigue, lack of time and general irritability, lack of sleep. Quarrels and resentments arise because problems are hidden. When it comes to intimacy and personal growth, couples who don”t learn to communicate consciously struggle.
Understanding the inner world of partners, analyzing conflicts and distributing responsibilities can help restore dialogue. If communication is inevitably ignored, the relationship will eventually fizzle out.
Hard “maternal instinct”
In theory, maternal instinct sounds like a wonderful concept because motherhood seems like the most natural and beautiful thing in the world. Some women want to have children from an early age, while others find it easier to care for them.
However, learning to care for a newborn is not always easy, as most parents, especially those with their first child, will agree. Not everyone has the instinct. Therefore, women begin to desperately take care of their children and become super-mothers. Overprotection and immersion in motherhood can sometimes be very destructive.
Dissatisfaction with the new role
Not all new parents are happy about their role. Some simply do not want to have children, others are not ready, and others even run away from the family immediately after the birth of a child. Reluctance to try yourself in new roles can be a decisive factor in maintaining intimate and spiritual balance in the family. It is this indecisiveness that confuses them and makes them less willing to stay in touch with each other.
Attendance at childbirth
As obstetricians and gynecologists advise, the presence of labor is relevant only during contractions in the first trimester. The period of childbirth and the postpartum period is not a place for men. We agree that the picture is clearly not comfortable for the male consciousness. In 99% of cases, the presence of a spouse during childbirth ends in disgust for the woman and a complete lack of sexual desire. Therefore, dear woman, do not rush to invite your spouse to the delivery room.
What do sexologists recommend?
Share responsibilities
Increased workload is the biggest cause of additional stress after having a baby. This is undoubtedly difficult for mothers and fathers who must balance their professional lives with the lives of their children. But it”s also tough for homebodies who feel left out, overwhelmed and lonely while juggling so many new responsibilities.
When a child arrives, the couple must share responsibility for caring for it. Even if both agree that most of the work falls on one parent”s shoulders, the other agrees to focus on making money.
Read also: 19 reasons why you don”t want sex anymore and their solutions
Don”t put off solving the problem for too long. It may be much simpler than you think. 19 reasons for your reluctance and how to fix it Sex is very.
A 2015 study in Ohio found that many men don”t share responsibilities after having a baby, and this has a negative impact on their marriages.
If you don”t spend enough time on your relationship with him, your husband may not understand that you feel left out too. You need to communicate mutually and as often as possible. For example, during breaks when children sleep or play. This helps strengthen both the overall family bond and the individual one.
Find time to sleep
Sleep is a luxury for new mothers and fathers. Almost all mothers have to get up at night to feed their children, regardless of the time. Lack of sleep makes you irritable and stressed. Complete sleep deprivation leads to lack of energy and discord between partners.
It is important to learn both to plan your sleep: when to put the children to bed, or daytime rest. You can use an on-call service so your husband can join you while you sleep in another room. Of course, sleep improves your overall mood and focus on each other.
Not to be present at the birth
Obstetricians and gynecologists do not recommend inviting husbands to childbirth. First, childbirth is relatively easy because women must be protected from irritation by certain brain tumors during labor.
The second reason is that the father”s release of stress hormones while watching the birth causes anxiety in the woman and does not allow her to relax. No matter how smiling and relaxed he appears, he has no choice but to feel anxious. And the production of adrenaline in this case is contagious.
The effect of this is that when a man is present during labor, the process is longer and more painful because the woman cannot relax as much as she should.
Create a mood
Why doesn”t my husband want sex after giving birth?
- Remember that difficult moments are temporary moments.
- Maintain a positive experience.
- Focus on gratitude.
- Focus on what you have learned from your children and how they enrich your life.
- Know that it is normal to experience a decrease in satisfaction in your marriage. There is no guilt in this.
- Support your partner regularly.
- Find humor in problems.
- Be patient with each other.
- Make the whole family happy.
Dedicate evenings to yourself
Paying attention to yourself and your needs is critical. You need to keep your body in good shape and increase your physical and emotional stamina. But what is needed for this?
- Take control of your sleep schedule, even if it means asking someone to watch your baby.
- Eat balanced and nutritious foods.
- Find time to do nothing.
- Meditate, do yoga.
- Spend time on your interests and hobbies.
These rules apply to both parents and mothers.
Incorporate eroticism into everyday life
Finally, the importance of physical intimacy is undeniable. Yes, intimate life after pregnancy is not for everyone. Women need time to recover, and men need time to adapt to a new role. However, they may find different ways to express their affection, such as hugging, kissing, and playing pretend while going about their daily activities.
Incorporate a sense of humor into your conversations and start nostalgic conversations about the good times you met. Make your husband feel needed, even if it takes time for him to recover physically and emotionally.
Tips from men from Reddit
One married man shared with Reddit how he solved a rather painful problem. Reddit also went through a postpartum crisis.
“Mostly due to stress, my desire for sex waned a little right after giving birth. Running a business and starting a new family at the same time made me anxious. But I recovered pretty quickly. I put my wife first and tried to understand her. It was much more difficult for her than it was for me.” — Dorcamund
Having someone who can babysit on weekends and evenings so you can have some alone time is a lifesaver. Stress can definitely cause a decrease in libido, and husbands need more time to relax and recharge. — Warrior”s Exit.
“It”s hard to focus on sex when all you see and feel is fatigue and frustration. Conference calls are essential in this case.” — Feet2Big
I”m a 32-year-old man, and my baby is 17 months old. After the baby was born, I counted the number of times we had sex without taking off our shoes (less than 10 times, to be exact). I think this is the rift between the two of us. I”ll try to briefly explain what you need to pay attention to after having a baby.
- The fact of sexual perception itself. After giving birth, I stopped perceiving my wife sexually. She”s a beautiful woman. Don”t get me wrong. It has nothing to do with her looks. I just don”t feel the same thirst for color as before.
- Stress and fatigue. I can”t remember the last time I slept well. I still wake up at least sometimes in the middle of the night (I call them phantom screams). Often, I don”t want to have sex after a day of work.
- Childcare. Our son was born We had a premature baby, so the first few months were difficult. After a long break from sexual contact, it became part of our daily routine.
- Date without distractions. All our dates usually ended with us arguing. Even when we spent the night alone, it ended in a fight. We were very focused on raising our children. And we were worth each other”s time. — Herr_Poopypants.
“You can”t desire where you love and love where you desire.” Freud first wrote about this, and it”s very well described in the community. Some men are too dependent on patterns, and therefore women for them are either sexual objects or mothers. There is no other option. However, this problem is solvable. We must sit down and discuss every uncomfortable moment. Believe me, everything has already been resolved. — Gtirita34O
Time, rest, and understanding are the best things you can give a person. If possible, consult a specialist. However, don”t put the problem on the back burner. -Ogre War Club.
Take time out from time to time to deal with postpartum relationship stress. Go to dinner or a romantic walk, and ask someone to watch the baby. Talk to each other as spouses and share your frustrations and problems, rather than escalating the tension. Learn to communicate with each other.
